The mad Warrior of Time
by LaClaireFolie
Summary: "Awful things have happened when wizards have meddled with time!" Hermione should have listened to the warning Minerva McGonagall gave her when she was a third year at Hogwarts. But anyway, how could she have known that this would happen when she picked up a broken Time – Turner at the Ministry of Magic? "They say I've gone mad. Maybe I have."
1. Prologue

Titel: The mad Warrior of Time

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to Joanne K Rowling, not to me. Simple as that.

Synopsis: "Awful things have happened when wizards have meddled with time!" Hermione should have listened to the warning Minerva McGonagall gave her when she was a third year at Hogwarts. But anyway, how could she have known that this would happen when she picked up a broken Time – Turner at the Ministry of Magic? "They say I've gone mad. Maybe I have."

_

Prologue

They say I've gone mad.

I hear their voices on the long hallways of the hospital, while I'm sitting in front of the window and stare at the ever changing sky.

"It's a shame." They say. "She was so exceptionally gifted."

"She could have done great things. So very great things."

"She was the brightes witch of her age. Top of every class she ever took. And the war... oh, all the things she achieved during the war!"

"The future that was ahead of her... imagine that future. She could have been Minister of Magic."

"It's a shame, really. Such a shame."

"Oh, yes. It's so sad that she had to go and loose her marbles. She of all people." .

I hear their whispers when they pass my room, I feel the glances they steal. Oh, those curious people. They can't help it, they have to see what happened to me.

_"...told me what awful things have happened when wizards have meddled with time..."_

"Nobody's supposed to change time, NOBODY!"

"... loads of them ended up killing their past or future selves by mistake."

Those words, spoken by nobody but myself, ring in my ears from time to time. Oh, just how naive I was back then, at thirteen, all goody – two – shoes and never ever would that me have been able to do what I did later on.

But that all changed when the Death Eaters attacked.

The war came and went and turned me into someone else.

Of course, all those things had started long, long before the war.

They had started when she was eleven.

_"Oh, excuse me for disturbing you, Mr. and Mrs. Granger. My name is Minerva McGonagall and I came to have a nice little chat in your sitting room, if you don't mind too much. Oh, and you must be Hermione Granger. I am delighted to meet you, Miss Granger."_

Fast forward two years and another piece of the puzzle that led to things being the way they are falls into place.

_"Well, Miss Granger. You have managed something no student has done in all the time I was a teacher here. You have filled your time table with so many subjects that you will certainly need this to complete your studies this year. It is called a Time – Turner and I trust that you will handly it wisely and with the outmost care."_

Fast forward two and a half years again and we're at the piece before last of the puzzle.

_While Harry and Neville stare at the Death Eater suspended in the jar of time, I crawl towards the broken cabinett that keeps mending itself and, right before it starts mending again, grab one of the time turners I see in it. It's mine, I realise, the one I used in my third year at Hogwarts, broken and useless now, since there's a crack in the glass of the little hourglass and the sand that used to be there is all over the floor. I hide it in one of the pockets of my robes anyway._

The final piece.__

It's after the war, two months after it and the last funeral is over. We've attended all of them, Harry, Ron and me, trying to express how sorry we are that we werent fast enough to stop whoever was burried from dying. One hand of mine is intertwined with Ronald's, the other one is clutching my broken Time – Turner in the pocket of my black dress. My dirty little secret that I've carried with me ever since fifth year.  


_Then there's suddenly shouting and lights and I whirl around, grabbing my wand, having let go of Ron's hand and there they are, masked, cloaked figure and they're attacking us and before I can think, I'm in the middle of a duel – I thought this was over, I thought this would never happen again – and I'm firing curses and hexes and I'm yelling "Stupefy!" and then something hits the pocket of my robe and I feel heat, incredible heat and a strong, incredible pull at my heart, spreading from there into every cell of my body and then all the things around me are gone and I'm... I'm in Hogsmeade. _

The thing is, I didn't want any of the things that happened to happen, I really didn't. I grabbed the Time – Turner because of some weird sort of instinct and I kept it for the same reason, but I never meant for the things that happened to happen.

I watched myself being born.

They say I've gone mad.

Maybe I have.


	2. Chapter 1: The Arrival

**_The spirit world awakens  
and brings a message  
of love and wondrous things to come.  
"Stay alert," a voice calls,  
"for the one you're awaiting  
is already there."_****  
**_Rosemarie E. Bishop_

Chapter 1: The Arrival

James Potter, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black were walking around in Hogsmeade, each of them carrying a bag of Honeydukes sweets they were from time to time opening to eat the one or other Chocolate Frog, Sugar Quill or Fizzing Whizzbee.

That was, after all, not remarkable. Or it would have not been remarkable if it had been any other day.

But it wasn't and therefore it were the four boys who walked around a street corner and saw someone appear in the middle of the street.

"Protego!" yelled Hermione, wand still drawn, not completly having realized what had just happened. Then she did realize where she was and with a little surprised "Oh!" she fainted.

The Hogwarts students were at her side just seconds after she had hit the ground and Remus, who had a Muggle mother and therefore more experience with Muggle medicine, was checking for a pulse.

"No... Sirius, don't move her!" bellowed the werewolf as his best friend tried to lift the girl of the floor. "She could have hurt her spine and you would only make it worse like this!"

"Hurt her what?" asked Sirius.

Remus just rolled his eyes at his friend, thinking that Sirius could be such a numpty sometimes. "Her pulse and breathing are okay, she's just unconscious... but we need... we need... we need Madame Pomfrey."

"I'll go and get her."

"Thanks, Peter." mumbled Remus, but Peter was already gone, without doubt to the castle.

"No, we can't get someone from up there! What will they say if they see we're here? It's the middle of the week, for Merlin's sake! Moony!" exclaimed James. "You're getting us all in trouble."

"Oh shut it, Prongs. This girl needs help." Sirius was leaning against the wall of one of the houses. "We'll tell them we sneaked of. Easy. Don't get your knickers in a twist." He blew a strand of dark hair out of his eyes. "Would've never thought that Moony would get us into trouble while I had to tell Jamesieboy to shut it. Oh how time changes."

James, who was still standing in the middle of the road, looked at the girl. "Who is she anyway? And where did she come from?"

"Don't ask me, I have no idea whatsoever." Remus was crouched next to her on the floor, watching her worriedly. "Appeared out of thin air, if you ask me. She's pretty, though." He stretched put a hand to remove a brown curl from her face. "Weird, isn't it? Even for Wizarding World standarts."

"Definitly." James now crouched down beside Remus and the girl. "She looked panicked. As if... I don't know. As if she was fighting someone. And she yelled 'Protego', didn't she? As if she had expected to be attacked."

Then they heard two loud "plops" and whirled around to see Professor Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey hurrying down the street. They skidded to a halt beside them. "Mister Black, Mister Lupin, Mister Potter. As usual, the center of the events. Mister Pettigrew has given me a fairly odd description of the scene, something about walking around the corner and a witch appearing out of nowhere and then collapsing." Dumbledore eyed the girl. "I guess this is the aforementioned witch?"

"Yes, Professor." answered Remus, who had now gotten to his feet. "She... there was nothing. No light, no sound, no wind... nothing. Just an empty street and then suddenly her."

"Very well. Poppy, if you could..."

"Of course, of course." The witch got on her knees beside Hermione and drew her wand, mumbling incanations and waving her wand over the girl's body. "Weird... very weird, indeed. Ah!" exclaimed Madam Pomfrey as the pocket of her simple black jacket lit up. She flicked her wand another time and the Time – Turner zoomed out of the pocket and into her hand. It was, however, no longer broken and empty, but fixed, filled with sand and spinning wildly. "Headmaster."

Dumbledore stepped closer and took the Time – Turner. "Ah. How very..." He lifted it and held it against the sun. "... very curious. And rather interesting, indeed. But... ah, yes." He let the Time – Turner glide into one of the pockets of his purple robes. "And what can you tell me about the state of health of our unknown friend?"

"She fainted, simply from a mixture of shock and exhaustion. I have found traces of... strange magic on her body, especially strong on her heart, but she should do fine once she has slept it off. I would recommened a night in my presence, but afterwards she can do as she pleases."

Dumbledore nodded. "Very well. Please, Poppy, inform me at once if she awakens for I must speak with her." Then he turned towards the three remaining boys who had watched curioulsy as the scene unfolded. In the mean time, Madame Pomfrey had conjured a stretcher, placed Hermione on it and bewitched it to fly to the school. "I will not punish you for having sneaked out to Hogsmeade since it meant that this young lady was not alone upon arrival and met with someone who could take care of her. I will, however, punish you, should you dare speak of what happened here. I will also punish you if you choose to pester the poor girl during her stay in the Hospital Wing or decide that sneaking into the village in these dark times is the right thing to do. You may now go back to the castle."

Sirius, James and Remus exchanged surprised looks, not yet being able to believe that they had gotten away without punishment and started to hurry back towards Honeydukes to take the secret passageway back to the castle, all the way discussing what had transpired in the village.

Hermione woke up with a start in the early hours of the evening and bolted upright in the bed she had been placed in. She was panting heavily, clutching her head and trying to stiffle a scream.

She had been caught in this strange, nightmarish place of blazing white light and dark creatures that were like shadows on the walls and the floor and the ceiling and they'd been trying to get her and she's been running, running, running until the floor had ended and she had fallen.

Her head hurt, it hurt so badly... she groped for her wand and found it on the little bedside table to he right. "Lumos!"

It was, of course, the Hospital Wing, completly unchanged from the times she had seen it when she had been at Hogwarts.

But then a blurry image came to the back of her mind, of people running towards her in a street in Hogsmeade, of four boys... one with untidy, short black hair and glasses, one with chin long dark hair and an even, handsome face, one with mousy brown hair, scars scattered across the bridge of his nose and his cheeks and one with short brown hair and a bit chubby... all of them running towards her before the black had enclosed her.

She tried to remember the first boy, with the black untidy hair and with a start realised that he had looked just like Harry... like a copy of her best friend. But why was Harry in Hogsmeade? And who were the other three boys?

Then the door to a room at the other end of the Infirmary flew open and Madame Pomfrey, wearing a dressing gown and carrying a lit wand, hurried towards her bed. "Oh, you're finally awake!" exclaimed the nurse. "How are you feeling, dear girl?"

"Fi... fine. I just have a... oh, it's gone." mumbled Hermione and really, the headache had disapperead. "I had a headache, but it... disapperead."

"Very good." Madame Pomfrey nodded. "Well, dear girl... can you tell me your name?"

Hermione swallowed. She wondered wether she should use her real name or better go under an alias. Which would be safer?

"I'm... I'm sorry, but can you first tell me what year it is?"

Madame Pomfrey gave her a questioning look and answered "1976, my dear girl. First week of September, if you're curious."

Hermione sunk back into the the cushions, covering her face with her hands and trying to mash down the tears. "I need... I need to speak Headmaster Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey. Please, let me talk to him."

"My dear girl, the headmaster is long asleep! You can't expect me to wake him up! No, no, whatever this is, it has to wait until tomorrow morning!"

"It can't wait! I'm... I'm not supposed to be her, every moment I am, I'm doing irreparable damage to... to the future! Please, Madame Pomfrey, I need to talk to him, this is urgent! I'm... I traveled back in time! I need to talk to him!" Hermione had gotten back up and was now trying to climb out of the bed, but Madame Pomfrey had tried to restrain her until Hermione had mentioned time – travel. Startled, the nurse let her go.

"Traveled back... in time?" repeated the confused witch.

"Yes. I need to talk to Dumbledore. Please!"

"Alright... alright. If the circumstances are this... this critical, I shall send for him."

"Thank you, Madame Pomfrey."

The matron walked back into her office and, twenty minutes later, back out again to open the door for the headmaster.

Dumbledore seemed not to have slept at all that night, but at the same time he seemed to be completly awake. Hermione also noticed that he seemed barely changed. Same grey hair, same beard, same twinkling eyes. The only thing that was a bit different were the lines in his face. It were less and less deep.

"Well, Miss..."

"... Granger, Sir. Hermione Granger." The girl was gripping the bedsheets tightly. "Professor Dumbledore, I swear I'm not crazy, you have to believe me..."

"... that you are from the future. I certainly believe you, Miss Granger. See, ever since Poppy handed me this..." He pulled out her Time – Turner and handed it back to Hermione. "... I suspected something like this. So, dear Miss Granger from the future, how are you feeling?"

"I'm... I'm ok considering the circumstances. I just... just need to try and not think to much about the fact that I'm... I'm not even born yet." She burried her face in her hands and tried not to cry again. "And... and I'm scared. I mean, horrible things have happened to wizards who meddled with time and I don't... I don't even want to be here! I'm... I'm meddling with time and I don't even want to do that. I'm not supposed to be here, how do I get back home?" She had started sobbing when she had finished with the last sentence.

"Well, Miss Granger... I don't have any answers for you, I'm afraid. I have never faced a situation like this before, but I assure you that I will do whatever I can to help you." He extended a hand and started patting her back. "Do try to not worry and rather have a nice life while you are here. Try to rejoice and enjoy."

"But I can't! I cant stay here! I can't... I can't live here! I could change everything! Don't you understand? Even... even by talking to you, I could change the course of history!" She grabbed her hair. "I should... I don't know, find a chamber, hide in it and never ever talk to anyone! I can't be here, Professor, don't you understand? No one can see me ever again. I can never talk to anyone again. I must vanish." Her voice broke at the last words and now she was crying openly, sobbing and shaking.

Dumbledore was still patting her back friendly. "Now, now, Miss Granger... Hermione. I don't think things are quite so bad. You should definitly not hide in a chamber and live a hermit's life. No, no. That is not the solution. Miss Granger, you must live. Do you hear me? You must live."

"But... but how?"

"For starters, you must complete your education here. Then you must get a job, maybe find a nice man to marry, build a family... all those things one does when one lives. I promise you will be fine." Hermione calmed down slightly, then met Dumbledore's eyes. "I promise. You'll be fine." He smiled at her reassuringly. "Well, the school year has just started. Tell me, what year would you be in if you were in your time?"

"I... I had finished year six." She swallowed as she remembered what had happened at the end of that year, the fighting in the castle and Dumbledores broken figure, glasses askew, empty eyes staring at the night sky above him. "But I never got to start seventh year." Instead, I lived in a tent in a forest, trying to complete a task you had given to my best friend. But Hermione only thought that and never said it.

"A would – be seventh year. Hm. You do, of course, know that your NEWT – years can only be taken right after each other to make sure you have all the knowledge you need and I therefore cannot let you get on with seventh year." Hermione nodded. "You will have to repeat sixth year, I am afraid. And what house were... You know, nevermind. Just come to my office tomorrow morning to sort you, the Hat will be delighted. And now rest again, I have a feeling that the next days will require a lot of strenght."


	3. Chapter 2: The second Sorting

Hey all you darlings :) I'm so thankful for all of your reviewing and following and favoriting! Thank you!

**_"You might belong in Gryffindor  
Where dwell the brave at heart  
Their daring, nerve and chivalry  
Set Gryffindors apart"  
_**_Joanne K. Rowling_

Chapter 2: The second Sorting

Hermione walked towards Dumbledore's office rather early the next morning. It was about forty five minutes before breakfast, but she had awoken almost an hour early, eaten something in her bed in the Hospital Wing and then showered quickly. Her hair, that she had braided, was still damp and she felt fresh and nice in the clothes she had borrowed, not wanting to wear the black dress since it would make people notice her far too much.

She had found a note on her bedside table, stating that the password was "Chocoloate Cake" and as she whispered it, the goblin in front of the headmaster's office let her in.

Before the big wooden door, she doubted for a moment. The last time she had been up here it had been after the battle of Hogwarts, with... She stopped thinking before it could hurt her. How different would the place look now? And would Dumbledore already be awake?

But then she made herself knock. "Enter, Miss Granger." called Dumbledore and Hermione pushed the wooden door open.

The large circular room was filled with sunlight and funny little noises coming from the silver instruments that were spread all over the room. Out of the corner of her eye she recognized Fawkes and then faced Dumbledore who sat behind his large, claw – footed desk on which the well known wizard hat was set. "Good Morning, Miss Granger."

"Good Morning, Professor."

"Well, bright and early! I hope you had a good nights's rest after our midnight meeting. I certainly did."

Hermione forced a smile on her face before she answered. "It could have been better... I've been having nightmares, Sir."

Dumbledore nodded and eyed her carefully. "That is most unfortunate. But I am sure you will sleep better once you have your own bed in one of our beautiful dormitories. And to place you in one of the dormitories, we must first place you in one of the Houses. Please, sit down." He gestured at the chair in front of the desk and Hermione obliged. He stood up, gripped the hat and placed it upon her head.

It dropped over her eyes and just seconds later, Hermione heard a familiar voice inside her head. "Oh, curious, curious... You are quite an interesting being, aren't you, my dear girl?" Hermione smiled slightly. It reminded her of how the head had first sorted her so many years ago – though it were now years to come. "I see ambition, but not enough to be well placed with our dear Snakes. No, no. They would eat you alive. And while the good, old Helga would tolerate you, I don't think you would tolerate the Badgers. No, no, that would surely be a mistake. Therefore, either Ravenclaw or Gryffindor it is." Hermione couldn't help, she almost giggled. This was almost exactly like the last time. "An exceptionally bright, gifted mind. You do have. And you are studious, you love books and knowledge only for the sake of it. Yes, you would be well placed within the rows of Ravenclaw. But... oh, the things you have seen. The life you had... my dear, there is no other place for you but good, old GRYFFINDOR!"

Hermione couldn't find the big grin that spread over her face as Dumbledore lifted the hat. He smiled down at her kindly. "A Gryffindor. How very fascinating. The house of our Head Boy and Girl, nonetheless. Well, there is an empty bed in the seventh year girl's dormitory anyway, therefore that shall be no problem. But I must make your attire fitting, if I may." Hermione nodded and Dumbledore flicked his wand. Her tie changed into red and gold and the colors appeared at the edges of her clothes as well. "Very well. I take it that you have neither money nor clothes not books nor any other things except your wand and a Time – Turner?"

"Yes, Sir." mumbled Hermione, immediatly clutching both her possesions harder.

"You must not show the Time – Turner to anyone. Three of the four boys that found you - Mister Lupin, Mister Potter and Mister Black – " The young witch's eyes widened as the headmaster said those names. "have already seen it, but you can't show it to them ever again. They may not know who you really are. About your clothes, your books and all the other things you'll need to complete this year I will worry."

"Professor Dumbledore, Sir. I... I know some of those people from the future. Mister Black, for example. And Mister Lupin. And I know what will happen to Mister Potter... and to you, Sir." She blurted out. "What... I don't know how to face them. And... and I'm in the same house. Oh God." She ran her hands over her face. "What am I supposed to do?"

Dumbledore gave her a sympathetic, almost pitiful smile. "You will be ok. You do, of course, know, that you cannot tell them anything. But rest assured that you will be ok. A slip of the tongue can always be fixed with a simple spell called 'Obliviate', my dear girl."

"Should I... should I use an alias?" Hermione tried not to think about the memory charm. She didn't know if she could do it again. She had done it to her parents and – she hadn't fixed it before she had vanished. She hadn't fixed it. Her parents were still in Australia because she had wanted things to be ok again in Great Britain before she brought them back. But now that would never happen. They would never know her. A stiffled cry fought it's way up her throat and she couldn't help but bite into the knuckles of her hand to not scream.

Dumbledore, of course, had noticed. "What is wrong, Miss Granger?"

She swallowed. "I... I obliviated my parents. Sent them to Australia... I was... I was keeping them safe, they couldn't have stayed, it was far too... too dangerous. But I didn't... I didn't reverse it before I got sucked here. They're... they're still in Australia, not knowing that they have a daughter. And me... I'm here, I'll... I'll never get to fix it. They'll never remember me." Tears were now trickling down her face. Her parents would never know their own daughter.

He gave her a handkerchief and a bit of chocolate. "Oh Miss Granger, I am so sorry. But..." He smiled at her. "... I am sure you did what you did out of nothing but concern for your parents. I am sure you did the right thing. And for your question, I don't think you should go under an alias. Hermione Granger is a beautiful name and people should know it. I think you will achieve remarkable things in this time as well as you did in your own time and therefore people should know your name."

"Thank you, Professor."

"Don't mention it. And now let us discuss your time table before I send you of on your way."

Ten minutes later, Hermione left Dumbledore's office, clutching a leather bag he had conjured for her, filled with parchment and quills he had borrowed her and the books she would need for her first day. She was still feeling rather insecure about all of this, especially about her first lesson – Defence against the Dark Arts – with the Slytherins and Gryffindors, but that was just something she had to overcome. She was biting her lip as she was walking downstairs towards the Great Hall and when she had almost reached the end of the stairs, she saw a familiar head of messy black hair enter through the door and stopped dead in her tracks.

James Potter. Oh no, she was so not prepared to meet her best friend's father just yet.

Instead of entering she whirled around and ran up the stairs again. She could so not enter the Great Hall now. He had looked so very much like Harry from behind... same hair, same neck, same posture. There was no way of facing him.

Hermione leaned against the wall and allowed a few of the tears to run down her cheeks, all the while cursing herself. She was so dumb. Picking up that Time – Turner had been a stupid idea and she was getting the punishment for it now. And then she was constantly crying... for God's sake! That wasn't her! She was a fighter, not some stupid little winy girl who would hide in a corner to cry her eyes out every time she got sad.

It was not her and it would stop right now.

With that, she pushed herself of the wall, walked down the stairs and entered the Great Hall. Time for breakfast.

The hall was exactly the same except for the people in it, Hermione realised as she entered. Her eyes wandered over the four house tables and then to the staff table. She knew most of the Professors, she realised. There were McGonagall, Sprout, Flitwick, Slughorn, hagrid and Dumbledore, but also a few unknown faces. Professor Dumbledore caught her eyes and smiled before he returned his attention to Professor McGonagall.

A strange prickling down her spine caught Hermione's attention and she whirled around to the Slytherin table to see a young, black haired boy with a crooked nose turn his gaze away from her.

Severus Snape, she realized with a start. He was the young Severus Snape.

She shook her head and made her way to the Gryffindor table where she sat down as far away from everyone as possible, taking out her Defence Against the Dark Arts book, propping it against a milk jug and starting to read in it.

It was weird, being here. Not only generally being here, at Hogwarts, in the 1970's, but being here for her sixth year again nonetheless. In a time where the war she had already once won was only just starting. And she was completly unprepared for whatever was there to come.

She swallowed a bit of toast, then looked up and noticed that the Hall had significantly emptied. She grabbed her book, stuffed it into her bag and left to get to class.

When she arrived, the door to the class room had already opened and the pupils had filled into their seats. There was only one empty seat in the very first row and with a sigh, Hermione took it, opening her bag to place her book and other stuff on the table. Doing so, her eyes rested on something golden for a second and she grabbed it.

Her Time – Turner.

The damned thing that had caused all this mess.

She took it out, making sure that no one was looking, and examined it for a few moments. It had repared itself, it seemed; the crack in the glass was gone and the sand was back in it, but it couldn't be turned, she noticed. With another inaudible sigh, she hung it around her neck and hid it under her sweater.

In the back of the class room, Sirius Black nudged his best friend and neighbour Remus Lupin in the side. "That's an attractive bird over there, Moony, isn't it?"

"That's... That's the girl from Hogsmeade, isn't it? Prongs? Padfoot?"

"Yeah, you're right. That's the girl from Hogsmeade... Granger. Hm." A grin flitter over James' face as he ripped of a bit of parchment, crumpled it into a ball and threw it at Hermione's head.

She whirled around and shot him an angry look. He grinned and winked at her. She didn't react and rather turned her attention back to the Professor.

Peter, who had seen her tie as she had turned around, turned to the other three boys. "And she's a Gryffindor. Should be interesting."


	4. Chapter 3: Friendships in the Making

Hey people! Here is the next chapter...I have two more written already, but I'll try to keep uploading after six days, so be patient. All my love to you!

**_"We will meet again my friend,  
A hundred years from today  
Far away from where we lived  
And where we used to play."  
_**_Ron Atchison_

Chapter 3: Friendships in the making

The Arithmancy classroom was still empty when Hermione arrived and sat down in one of the middle rows. She was spreading her stuff on the table when she heard slight foot steps and turned her head.

Remus Lupin.

It hit her like a bullet this time. The way he looked so different from the first time she had seen him, in mended, old robes, ill and exhausted with the first specks of grey in his mousy brown hair.

And now he was there, leaning against the desk opposite of her, not – well, not handsome, but not ugly either – eyes ablaze and happy, face lit with a joyous smile, his soft brown eyes watching her curiously.

She had to fight back something – tears, maybe – or a cry of joy – or both, but timidly smiled up at him.

"So... your last name is Granger, but I don't know your first." he said, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"Hermione." She smiled. He had longer hair than she had ever seen him with, almost reaching towards his chin and falling into his eyes.

"Nice to meet you, Hermione. I am Remus Lupin." Again he flicked some hair out of his eyes. "Gosh, this is annoying. Stupid Sirius." As he noticed Hermione's questioning look, he smiled and explained. "Sirius convinced me to wear my hair longer than I usually do. Said it would look good and get girl's attention. Is it working?"

Hermione giggled slightly. "Well. That depends."

"Depends on what."

"Depends on wether you'll hate me or not when I'll tell you the truth."

"So it looks horrible. Gosh, I'm going to murder Sirius first chance I get."

Hermione laughed openly now, grinning at him widely. "It's not too bad. You look a bit like one of those boys that spend the whole day at the beach. Not too bad, but... doesn't fit you, I guess."

"I look a bit like one of those boys that spend the whole day at the beach? Gosh, I'll bloody murder Sirius. That prat. I look shitty. Probably exactly what he wanted so I would not get a girl's attention and he would. That git."

"You don't look shitty. Just... not like you should look. It doesn't fit... your character, I guess. But you don't look shitty."

"It doesn't fit my character? You don't even know me, how can you say that?"

Hermione bit her lip. "Intuition? Also, you're in my Arithmancy class, you can hardly be one of those boys that spend all day at the beach." She send him another timid smile.

"Yeah, I'm not. Freaking Sirius Black. Such a prat." Remus shook his head and stepped closer to Hermione. "Anyhow, Hermione Granger. You're sitting at my table."

"What? Oh my Gosh, I'm so sorry, you can..."

"No, no. I'll sit down right next to you, so if you could just scoot over a bit... perfect. Thank you." He hat seated himself beside Hermione and smiled at her. "So. Hermione Granger. I was wondering..."

But before Remus could finish his question, Professor Vector had entered the class room and thrown the two chatting students a stern look, making them stop their conversation at once. They did, however, exchange tiny smiles.

"Hey, Evans!" yelled James when he saw Lily standing beside Marlene and Mary, waiting for the group of third year girls to leave to Common Room so they could get in. "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

Lily gave him a disdainful look, biting down on her lip very hard and listening to Marlene who was whispering something into her ear before she gave a short nod. Marlene then grabbed Mary's hand and dragged the blonde through the portrait hole, followed by Sirius and Peter. Lily crossed the few steps towards him and leaned against the wall beside him. "What do you want to talk about, Potter?"

"I was wondering wether you got my letter over the Holidays." He glanced down at her only for a few seconds and met her eyes, but it made him feel as if he was burning up from the inside. She was so despairingly pretty, it made his breath falter. "You didn't respond..."

Lily bit her lip. "Yeah, I didn't. Sorry about that." She remembered getting the letter on a bright summer's day, the big, unknown owl swooping down during lunch with her sister and then recognizing the hand writing from the little balls of pergament James had tossed at her for years and years. She remembered reading the letter after her fight with her sister, the words with whom he apologized for having tortured Severus after the DADA exam and thereby making him call her this terrible thing. She remembered trying to find a way to answer and being unable to until his owl finally left, robbing her of a way to write back since she did not have her own owl. "But I read it and I appreciate it. Thank you." A tiny smile spread out over her face and it was defintely directed at James.

"So... are you ok?" James asked, trying to surpress the urge to push a straw of red hair behind her hair. She nodded. "Ok enough to go out with me?" The words had flown from his mouth before he could surpress them.

Lily pushed herself of the wall and hit him across the head. "I'd have to be suicidal to go out with you, not ok." With that she walked off through the portrait hole, leaving James to stare at her flaming red hair and her perfect little bum.

After a few moments, he followed her and, when he had found his two best friends, threw himself into the big cosy airmchair beside them. "I swear, this girl will be the death of me. The smile she threw me nearly made my heart stop."

"Great." agreed Sirius. "Now to more interesting things than your upcoming death at the hands of Evans', that new girl, Granger, seems like an awfully interesting person."

"Oh, Pads, don't go chasing the next bird again, will you? And she's not even that pretty." scolded James. The constant dating adventures of Monsieur Padfoot and the way most of the girls cam crying to James afterwards had gotten onto his nerves enough to make him reprimand his best friend from time to time.

"Reckon Moony'll find anything out about her? I mean, if she took Arithmancy as well. He isn't as good at getting information out of a girl as the two of you, but..." mumbled Peter, trying to prevent a fight.

"Moony'll do just fine. Really, I mean what kind of heavy guarded secrets could a girl like her have?"

"Anyway, what I wanted to ask you, before Professor Vector interrupted our conversation so rudely..."

"Remus, she just started the lesson!" Hermione laughed as she stuffed her belongings into her back. "But what did you want to ask me?" She smiled broadly as she crossed the room towards him and they left for lunch.

"I wanted to ask how it comes that you joined Hogwarts at the beginning of the sixth year. I mean, it's a bit odd, you know."

Hermione stopped dead in her tracks. She didn't have a story to tell yet. And she was a horrible, horrible liar.

The shock must have shown at her face because Remus looked at her worringly as he etched closer to her, stretching out a hand. "Are you alright? I'm sorry, I didn't want to upset you..." He placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

"I... " Hermione sighed as she collected herself. "I don't want to lie to you, Remus, I really don't, but... I can't tell you the truth either. You'd think I'm crazy or something." And it was true, she didn't want to lie to Remus – or anybody, for that matter, but she knew that if she told anyone the truth, things would get ugly.

"Ok, Hermione. Don't worry. You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to. I'm okay being friends with a mystery." He smiled at her again and Hermione knew, she just knew, that she wanted to trust him. After all, she also knew his biggest secret, why should he not know her's?

"No... It's something I need to get of my chest anyway." She shook her head and sighed again. "I just don't want to talk about it some play where anyone can hear us... I want to talk about this in a nice, quiet place, you know?"

Remus smiled at her and offered her his arm to link with. "Well, I know just the place for that."

A few minutes later they were sitting in a rather quiet corner of the Kitchens were they were mostly left alone by the House Elves, eating merrily and chatting along about meaningless stuff. Finally Hermione but her fork down and smiled at Remus. "Thanks for bringing me here. It's very nice of you. And don't think I'm not going to give you the answers you deserve."

Remus answered the smile with one of his own. "You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to. Don't do it out of some sense of gratitude or duty."

"No. I really want to. Talking about it... might make it easier." She tugged a loose straw of hair behind her hair and breathed in deeply. "I... my parents, they're a Muggleborn witch and a Muggle. And my mum... well, when she was here, she was the top of her year and she kept all her books, so she taught me at home fot the first years of my life. That's why I wasn't here. But when..." She bit her lip. Should she say his name? It was something she had done so long, she couldn't imagine not to say it now. "But since Voldemort..." There was a clatter as Remus' plate fell to the floor. "...since he got stronger, my mother got more and more worried. She... she decided it would be the best if they were to leave the country, but I... I didn't want to. I brought them to the border and they went without me. And... on my way home, I got attacked. They... I don't know how they found me or why they wanted me, but they tried to take me prisoner. I escaped with help of.. well, with the help of the Time – Turner you saw when you found me."

Remus gave her a questioning look. "What do you mean? Are you from some sort of future or what?"

"No, no!" Hermione shook her head frantically. "I... it's broken, it's useless when it comes to time travel. But my Mom bewitched it, she said I should just touch it when I was in trouble and it would bring me to a safe place." She smiled a bit, this time rather sadly. "And it really did, didn't it?"

Remus smiled back at her. "It really did. Hogwarts is the safest place in the world – You – know – who would never attack this place. He fears Dumbledore."

Hermione's smile vanished as she thought of the final battle that had cost Voldemort's life – it would take place right where they now were, within the walls of this magical castle. She thought of the giants hitting the castle walls and towers with their clubs, of the Acromantulas climbing in through windows and holes, of the Death Eaters fighting students and teachers on the grounds, of Fenrir Greyback over Lavender Brown's body and of Fred being killed by an explosion. And the thought of Dumbledore, lieing dead at the foot of the Astronomy tower, creeped into her mind as well. It was true, Voldemort had never dared to attack Hogwarts while Dumbledore was still alive. But after his death – well, that was a different story altogether. But of course, that was one of those things Remus Lupin didn't need to know yet. "I know. I guess that's why my mother sent me here."

Hermione felt bad as she crossed eyes with Remus Lupin. She had told him nothing but lies, but he still smiled earnestly at her, making it seem like she had told him some deep, dark secret of her past.

"I'm glad she did." Remus smiled and slipped of his chair, offering Hermione his arm yet again. She smiled and sliped her arm through the bend at his elbow, linking them together. "Would've been a shame if I hadn't gotten to know you."

"Oi, Moony!" Sirius stormed into the Charms class room and, as he noticed Remus standing beside Hermione's desk, over to his best friend. "I'm very sorry, but I must steal you away from the presence of your charming lady friend at once." With those words, he grabbed the back of the werewolve's sweater and dragged him across the room towards the last row of benches were Peter and James were already sitting. "Where've you been?"

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius. "In the presence of my charming lady friend as you have so very nicely called her."

"OI! Then, my dear brother in arms and fur..."

"Shhh!"

"... tell me, at once, what results your enquiry has brought." Sirius was complelty unimpressed by the death glares he had gotten from his three friends. He was used to them by now.

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius once again, wondering why exactly he was friends with such a moronic person. Then he wondered how much of what Hermione had confined to him he should tell them. It was weird, she had pretended to be completly honest, but his due to the lycanthropy extremly fine senses had given him the impression that she had still lied to him. There had been something in her voice and body language that had made her seem uneasy and tense and like a liar. Therefore telling her fake story to his friends would certainly not give her the right to be mad at him, would it? Remus decided it wouldn't and started to repeat Hermione's story to his eagerly listening friends.

The witch that was being discussed among the Marauders looked back at them over her shoulder. She had a feeling Remus was repeating their conversation word for word and she didn't mind too much. After all, everything she had told him had been a lot of bogus. For a second, she and Sirius crossed eyes and he threw a flirtatious smile at her. She didn't react and rather turned away, but on the inside, she was trying to mash down her panic. Sirius couldn't be flirting with her! He was almost twenty years older then her! He couldn't like her, that was so not how things were supposed to be!

Then she heard someone clear their throat beside her and as she lookd up, met a few unsettling green eyes. The eyes of her best friend.

"Excuse me, that is were we are sitting." said Lily Evans, arms crossed before her chest, looking down at Hermione almost disdainfully.

The girl stood up, grabbing her stuff and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I didn't know that."

"No, it's fine. You can sit with us, if you want. After all, there are four places and since Alice and Dorcas haven't taken charms, there are only three of us. I'm Lily, by the way."

"Hey. I'm Hermione Granger." The bushy haired witch presented herself and moved to the seat closest to the wall while the blonde and the brown haired witch who kept Lily companied told her their names were Mary MacDonald (brunette) and Marlene Adams (blonde). They spent the time until the charms class began happily chatting away about everything and nothing and Hermione had to acknowledge that those three girls where rather pleasant company.

It was easy to make friends in this new age.

And that, Hermione knew, might be her downfall after all.


	5. Chapter 4: A Matter of Habituation

**_If life were always merry,_**

**_Our souls would seek relief,_**

**_And rest from weary laughter_**

**_In the quiet arms of grief._**

_Henry Van Dyke  
_

Chapter 4: A matter of habituation

It was Marlene's hearty laughter that did it. Marlene's laughter that grew from a childish, albeit feminine giggle into a roaring, throwing – your – head – back – laughter was what broke Hermione because she remembered what Harry had told her when they had stayed in Grimauld Place and he had been so distressed at the evening of their party for Ron and her. She remembered that Harry had told her that Marlene McKinnon and her whole family would be brutally murdered before the end of the war in 1981.

And now that girl had set next to her, smiling and gossiping and practicing magic, and it had hurt Hermione so much to see her alive that at the end of the Charms lesson, she had just wanted out.

When Flitwick finally ended the lesson and Hermione had, as the last of the group gotten up, Marlene turned around and asked "Hey, we're all going to the library to start on the assignments, are you joining?"

She shook her head, mumbled some weak excuse about having to see someone and bolted, walking into the opposite direction, away from the group of girls. When the corridor was deserted and quiet, she opened the first door to find an empty classroom and basically ran into it.

She didn't even know how it started, but after a few shed tears and heavy sobs, there had been anger boiling up in her and before she really noticed, she had cast the first curse, causing the desk nearest to her to explode, shattering the room with pieces of wood and from that point, there was no stopping.

The anger running through her veins was new and completly unknown territory to her, but it obliviated every other thought from her brain while she sent curses flying around her, destroying every single desk and chair in the class room, blasting holes into the windows and making the blackboard go up in flames while shards of wood and glass flew all over the room.

Suddenly it was over, the anger replaced by a feeling of being so completly and utterly lost that it send her crashing to the floor, hitting her knees on the cold stone, burrying her face in her hands and releasing a strangled, agony filled sob. This very first day had been to much, it was breaking her and she already couldn't do it anymore.

"What...?"

She spun around to see Sirius Black leaning against the door frame, eyes widened by shock and surprise and fresh tears dwelled up in her eyes.

He moved quickly and instictively, kneeling down next to her and dragging her into a tight embrace, placing her head in the curve between his neck and shoulder, slightly patting her back.

She soaked in his smell, musky, but unobtrusive, with a tiny, tiny hint of wet dog and allowed the tears to run freely into his shirt. He was lean and muscular without looking like he had spend countless hours exercising.

He pusher her away after a few minutes, looking at her and checking her tear stained cheeks. "What's wrong?"

Hermione rubbed her eyes and cheeks. "I can't tell you, I'm sorry." was all she mumbled.

He gave her a sympathetic, yet pitying smile. "It's alright." He got to his feet again, outstretching a hand to help her up. She took it and smiled slighlty. "Help me fix this chaos, will you?" Hermione nodded and they both drew their wands, mumbling the familiar incantation under their breath, making the destroyed classroom slowly repair itself. As the last pieces of furniture settled itself into their places, the Gryffindors simultaneously lowered their wands, exchanging a glance and a tiny smile. "You okay?"

She shook her head. "But I'll be fine."

It took almost eight weeks till she had reached a state that was even close to fine.

The nightmares she had had the first night in the Infirmary about dark shadows chasing her through a blindingly white world were recurring every night, sometimes broken by nightmares about the months in the woods or the time at Malfoy Manor or the Battle of Hogwarts or by dreams that seemed like memories – her seeing James and Lily take Harry to the train in their first, a Harry without a scar – talking to Harry about his Christmas at home with his family – and due to that she was now functioning on a dose of three to four cups of coffee per day.

Sometimes, when Lily and James fought in the Common Room or Marlene made plans or Remus, James and Sirius laughed about something Peter said or did, she felt the anger and sadness about what was going to happen to all of them rise up again and then she went and ran or destroyed rooms or sometimes went into the forest to set trees ablaze. It didn't happen too much, though, and that made her okay again.

Burrying herself in her studies helped, though. It was what she did most of the time, sitting at a desk in her beloved Library or in the Common Room, surrounded by Parchment, books, ink and quills, writing essays or studying. She was secluded, trying to catch up on what she had missed during the first weeks of September she hadn't been there and repeating what she had learned in her sixth year, spending the biggest part of her time with the books because they couldn't break her heart.

It didn't help much, though, because the people around her – James, Marlene, Mary, Dorcas, Sirius, Alice and above all, Lily and Remus – kept entering her life, carving their names into her heart and turning into friends.

She hated and enjoyed it at the same time.

James was loud and cocky, arrogant and annoying, a twat but she still liked his presence even though it sometimes hurt her because it reminded her so much of Harry. He was also funny and kind, headstrong and firm in his believes and whenever someone dared to offend someone dear to James, he was quick with his hexes. It was also blatantly obvious how very smitten James was with Lily.

Marlene was fun to be around as well. She was passionate and fiery, but studious and a little rough as well. She spoke her mind loud and clearly and she had an edge. Her talent for Transfiguration was remarkable, as were her Quidditch seeker skills. She had the plans for her future already fully developed in her mind and was eager to start accomplishing everything she had ever dreamed of.

Mary and Dorcas both were comparably quiet in public, but even louder and funnier in private. Mary was more of a gossipy, girly person than Dorcas, but that might have been due to the fact that Dorcas had a darkness around her since her oldest broher had apparently been murdered. Dorcas was even quicker with her hexes than James, jumping to her feet at even the slightest bit of an insult in someone's voice, eyes ablaze and wand drawn. Mary sometimes seemed scared of certain people, but when something riled her up, one should be careful to get in her way.

Sirius was the same and a different man from what she had gotten to know him, filled with contempt at the very thought of his family – a bunch of inbreds as he called them – but with admiration when it came to his friends. The closeness he shared with James was astonishing to her, but there was also a distinct bond he had with Remus and Peter. At the same time, girls seemed to be swarming him, attracted by his charm and his good looks like moths were to light. He smiled at her often, tried to distract her and cheer her up and she knew it was due to what he had seen in the empty classroom.

Alice was the shiest of the group, a quiet presence in every circle, sometimes just absentmindedly staring out of a window while toying with a little silver ring on her left hand. It was a promise, she had told Hermione, from her boyfriend Frank, a trainee Auror, that he would propose and marry her as soon as she had finished her education and it were those moments when Alice was talking about Frank that she was the most alive and passionate.

Lily was fiery and funny and kind and smart and passionate to a point that Hermione had never seen in any other living person before. She was the kind of person who wore her heart, her mind, her soul, her everything on her sleeve and thereby, she got an instant grip on most of the people around her, making them like her within mere seconds, but she was completly oblivious to her effect on people and extremly oblivious to her effect on James.

Remus was close to what she remembered he would be one day – kind and bookish and rather shy, but reliably and trustworthy and honest to the bone. He spend the most time with her as he, too, seemed to rather spend his time within the company of books than within the company of people sometimes and they had come to have a quiet understanding of each other. She would almost go as far as saying that he was her best friend.

Sometimes she couldn't help it, though, and when she was talking to one of them, images of them came to the back of her mind – the grave of Lily and James, Sirius haunted, ghost – like face after the times he had spent in Azkaban and Remus' corpse on the floor of the Great Hall – and made her stop mid – sentence. She did, however, try to get rid of them as fast as she could.

Now it was already the last week of October and Halloween and thereby the first Hogsmeade visit crept nearer every day. Hermione had always liked the Halloween week end, the Hogsmeade visit as well as the feast, though the first was definitly her favorite. It would still be strange without Harry and Ron, she thought. She missed them both so much every day and whenever something extraordinary happened, she wanted to tell them.

It was still strange, though. In her own time, she had had Ron and Harry as her best and closest friends and then Ginny, Luna, Fred, George and Neville as her less closer friends. And now she kind of was part of this huge group of people who were all extremly different, but all equally likeable – though she trusted none of them as much as she had trusted "her boys".

Sighing slightly, she looked up from her book to James and Sirius who were again kicking up a fuss in the Common Room about something or other. Lily, who sat beside her, deeply emerged in her Potions essay, looked up as well and rolled her eyes. "Those idiots. Why can't they let us study?"

"Lighten up, Lily. Tomorrow's Hogsmeade and you won't have to see any of them for a whole day." Marlene said, obviously trying to cheer her up.

Lily blew against a strand of her hair that was falling into her eyes, hoping it would get out of her sight. "As if I would be that lucky. Potter'll probably follow me around all the time again. Annoying git that he is." She looked up from her parchment, tucked the the red curl behind her ear and met Alice's eyes. "Hey, is Frank coming tomorrow to meet with you?"

"Yes." beamed Alice, absentmindedly playing with her ring. "I really missed him, you know?"

"Of course you have! You've been seeing each other since fourth year, for crying out loud and you've lived in the same castle all the time. Now you have to go two years with only seeing each other from time to time. I'm really pitying you. How are you not completly mental by now?" Mary eyed Alice curiously.

Alice threw her a rarely seen grin. "I am, I'm just hiding it very well from all of you people."

"Wait, wait, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! Has Alice just really made a joke?!" exclaimed Dorcas, looking at the tiny black haired girl in shock. "Someone turn back time so I can rewatch this!"

Alice shook her head disdainfully and shot them a sharp look. "I have you know that I have a lot of humor – you guys just always miss it. That's your fault, not mine."

Dorcas grinned and hugged her friend. "We know, love. We just like teasing you."

There was a loud bang and a "Padfoot, you complete and utter ARSE!" that made the girls jump slightly and look over to the fire place where James Potter had hit his head against the wall due to something or other that Sirius had just done.

Lily sighed and shook her head. "Potter, you complete and utter idiot!"

He whirled around, having obviously heard her even though she had thought she hadn't been loud enough for him to have heard. "Lilyflower, what did you just call me?" called James, walking over to her table.

"A complete and utter idiot that will lose his balls if he dares to call me Lilyflower again." She smiled sweetly up at him, but her eyes had this hard expression in them that told him that she was not joking and he should not dare to push her any further.

Of course, he did anyway. "That would be a shame, really, because how would I father our beautiful children if I happened to lose my balls?"

For a moment, Lily was too surprised to react, but then she regained composure and shot a hex at him which he was only able to avoid by falling to the floor and hitting his knees in the process. "You disgusting pig. I would never father your children, Potter!"

He dared to look over the table again, just to see Lily the way he thought she was the most beautiful. On her feet, wand arm outstretched and pointing at him, eyes ablaze, her hair flying around her head in the most amazing way making it seem as if she was on fire. He had seen her like that every other day since his first year and he loved her like that. That was why he kept pestering her, making fun of her, riling her up – just to see her like that, focused solely on him, letting all the passion that she had usually stored away somewhere, out. He knew that Sirius and Peter, sometimes even Remus were able to get this kind of reaction out of her, but it was never as strong as it was with him. Her overflowing, exploding anger was his, his alone and he did not want anybody else to have it. "Right, I would not expect you to be okay with this so quickly, we should get to know each other better first, don't you agree? So how about Hogsmeade together tomorrow, hm?"

She resorted to not throwing a hex this time but to slapping him across the face instead before she yelled that she hated him and stormed of the stairs towards her dormitory.

"Oh James." Marlene shook her head at him and gave him a look filled compassion. "I told you a billion times, you'll never get her if you keep being this incredibly blunt and stupid about it."

"Yeah, she'll only keep hitting and hexing you." mumbled Mary. "James, we know you really like her, but the way you keep treating her, she'll never know."

With that, both of them left for the stairs, James left to stare at their backs and rub his check in silence.

"Well, mate, that was worse than usually." said Sirius, claping him on the back once.

He gave himself another second to be hurt, than turned around and grinned. "Well, tell me all about it, Pads, I didn't notice so far."


	6. Chapter 5: Talking about Time

**I am so so sorry that uploading this took me so long! I've had this chapter written for a long time, but I usually have at least one more chapter in store before I upload anything and I was just a bit lazy and had some sort of not really problems but things that bothered me and was frustrated and stuff and didn't write anything so I felt like I just couldn't upload this yet and that's why it took me so long and I am really sorry. But here's the fifth chapter, I hope you like it!  
Lots of Love, ClaireFolie**

_**But all the clocks in the city**_

_**Began to whirr and chime:**_

_**'O let not Time deceive you,**_

_**You cannot conquer Time.**_

_(W. H. Auden)  
_

Chapter 5: Talking about Time

Halloween was as merry as it usually was. The visit to the village with her almost too big group of girly friends had been different from all the other times she had been to the village, but great nonetheless.

She had been to Honeydukes with them all, bathing in the familiarity of the little shop but not buying a single sweet seeing as there would be enough of them at dinner time that evening, then dragged them all out again to go to Scrivenshaft's where she bought a few quills and inches of parchment of her own to return the ones she had borrowed to the Headmaster. Lily had laughed happily, throwing back her hair in a swift movement when they passed by a group of Slytherins Hermione had ignored completly, while the three other girls they were with had glared daggers at them. On their way to Tomes and Scrolls they passed by Zonkos where they could see the Marauders running around the shop, stuffing their pockets with whatever they found. Hermione and Lily stayed in the bookshop they both loved so much while Marlene, Dorcas and Mary moved on the the Three Broomsticks where the two book worms followed after almost an hour. Only a few minutes afterwards the Marauders had arrived to join them at their table despite Lily's protests and obvious displeasure and when another thirty minutes had passed, Alice and Frank, who had spent their time in Madame Pudifoot's, arrived as well.

There was a big "hello" and a lot of hugging and just general mayhem as Frank arrived since most of them liked their ex – fellow Gryffindor. Hermione introduced herself politely and watched as the trainee Auror sat down right next to his girlfriend, holding her hand beneath the table. Alice, normally not one to carry her heart on her sleeve, but rather keep a straight face, was beaming as she gave his hand a light squeeze.

"So, Frank, tell us all about it!" burst Sirius finally, seeming as if he had wanted to ask the question for hours.

The newly arrived man grinned at them. "Tell you about what?"

"About the Ministry of Magic –

" – and the other Aurors –"

" – and your job."

James and Sirius were visibly excited, almost jumping up and down on their chairs. They had known Frank for years due to the fact that they had played alongside each other on the Gryffindor Quidditch team and almost considered it their right to be informed about every minor detail of his job.

Frank sighed and Alice laughed slightly. "Didn't I tell you they'd be all over you, pestering you for every little scrap of in tell they can get?"

"I was a fool for not listening to you." He smiled and leaned over to give her a chaste kiss on the lips, provoking the boys – especially James and Sirius – to imitate the sound of someone vomiting. As Frank turned back towards them, he grinned before exclaiming: "Well, if you all find this to be so disgusting I think I don't need to tell a group of immature little kids how my work is. Surely someone so immature would be completly unable to handle the seriousness of an Auror's work."

At once, James and Sirius began to profess their extraordinary maturity, while Hermione grinned and whispered to Alice that her boyfriend certainly had some control about the infamous boys.

"Fine, fine. I'll tell you about it, just... just shut up. Your voices are giving me a headache." At once, the two Gryffindors shut their mouths and Frank started telling about his work. He described lenghtily how his day usually was, what he learned in training and how he got on with his co – workers. Hermione heard a few well – known names like Alastor Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt and surpressed a tiny smile. Of course they'd be here, of course they'd be on the first line of the front to fight Voldemort.

But before she became sad again, she turned her attention back to Alice and Frank. They had gradually edged closer towards each other and he had an arm slung around her petite frame while he was holding her hand in the other one. They looked happy and so much in love it made Hermione wonder what Neville would have been like if he had been raised by them instead of his grandmother.

This time she couldn't help it, she couldn't fight the sadness and scrambeld up from her chair. "I'll be right back, I just... realized I forgot something at Tomes & Scrolls." With that, she made a bee – line for the door.

Outside, with the fresh, cold autumn air on her face, she took a deep breath and leaned against the wall of the pub. She still wasn't conpletly used to it – she doubted she would ever be – she was still overwhelmed by it sometimes and she still couldn't fight down the images that came to her from time to time – of the Potters' headstone, of Sirius falling through the Veil, of the Longbottoms' in the Hospital wards, of Remus worn face and his ragged clothing when she first saw him. They made it hard on her to be okay.

"Are you alright?"

She uncovered her face and looked up to meet Remus' eyes who were merely a hand's lenght from her face. "Yeah, yeah. I'm okay, I'm fine."

Remus exhaled sharply. "No, you're not. I can see it, you know."

"See what?"

"Your mask. I can see the mask that is your face, you know? The bright, wide smile and the happy eyes and the wrinkles from laughing? It's all fake and I can see it, I can see the terror, the bitterness, the pain, the loneliness in the depths of your eyes and the corner of you mouth. I don't know why, but I just see it. And I know... I know that though you are doing your very best, trying your very hardest, pushing yourself to your breaking point that you are hurting, that you are suffering." He extended a hand to tuck a curl of her hair behind her ear and let his fingers brush across her cheek before curling his hand into a fist at his side and for a very short moment, Hermione saw all the emotions he had just described in the corner of his mouth, the depth of his eyes as well. "There's something you're afraid to say or somewhere you'r afraid to go or someone you're afraid to love and I know. I know. I know and I see and I thought I should tell you just so you know that I can see right through your mask and I'm not fooled by it and if you ever want to just... talk or scream or not be lonely for a change, you can come and talk to me."

Hermione smiled just a tiny bit and wound her fingers around his fist. "Thank you, Remus John Lupin. You... you have the biggest heart I have come upon so far. I knew from the very start." She sighed. "But... take it from me, I'm disorderly and you... you'd be off better. I... I'm always on the road. And of course, of course I want to know you better, but you know the way it goes. So... take it from me."

He smiled down at her compassionatly, moving closer just a little bit so his tawny hair brushed hers and she could almost count his lashes. "Trust me... you'd be off better as well."

There it was, then. One of those moments that would haunt her for nights and nights on end, that brought a terrible ache to her heart, that made her question her sanity and placed the terrible question of "what if?" in her head. When she couldn't sleep, she thought of this moment and of how her eyes fell onto his lips and were locked there, staring at the marks his theeth had left on his lower lip and of how she had always thought that the moment before couples kissed were so adorable because they would just stare at each other's mouth for a few seconds and about how she was doing just that right now.

There it was.

And then it was gone as the door of the pub flew open and someone exclaimed something and walked by them and Remus had stumbled back a few steps, making her let go of his hand and then it was gone again.

But it was in her head and her heart and it would haunt her.

Hermione leaned against the wall opposite from the Gargoyle guarding the Headmaster's office's entrance, contemplating wether or not she should go up. She had thought about a lot of things during the last time the two had talked and read up on even more, but she wasn't sure wether any of it was worth bothering the Headmaster with it. It were all just random ideas, scraps and bits of something or other, but she had the need to talk about it anyway.

With a little sigh, she started playing with one of the curls of her hair while her mind wandered back to the moment with Remus in the village. There had been a spark in the air that had sent a violent shiver down her spine and if she was honest with herself, she was angry that there had been no kissing.

She liked kissing. Kissing was good. No, kissing was better than good, kissing was great.

Annoyed at herself, the Gryffindor shook her head, stepped away from the wall and walked towards the Gargoyle. After about ten tries, she had gotten the password right and was allowed in.

Another sigh escaped her lips before she knocked on Dumbledore's door. She heard him ask her to come in and pushed the door open, crossed through the office and sat down in front of his desk.

"Hello Miss Granger. How are you doing?" He smiled at her friendly, not the least bit surprised to see her.

"I'm fine, thank you." She licked over her lower lip before she continued speaking. "I have been thinking about some things for a while now and I felt like I should maybe talk to you about them, if you don't mind, Sir."

"Not at all, Miss Granger. Please, elaborate."

She took a deep breath and dragged out the Time – Turners from under her shirt. "I... I read up a bit on Time – Turners and their magic and what can happen if they break. And... well, apparently when a Time – Turner breaks, it's really unpredictable what happens. Sometimes it's nothing, sometimes they transport whoever is close into the future, sometimes into the past. They... they store up a lot of magic inside them and when they break, they release it. Most of the time they do that immediatly and sometimes... well, sometimes there needs to be a trigger to make the Time – Turner transport someone back into time. That's... apparently that's what happened. My coat pocket where I carried the Time – Turner was hit with a spell and the magic... filled it, triggered it and transported me back here."

Dumbledore nodded. "I have the very same theory. And since most of my theories have a tendency to be right, this is probably the way you got here."

She smiled. "But that doesn't explain why it brought me into this time, does it? I mean, it could've brought me anywhere. So I read up a bit more and I found out that Time – Turners are only supposed to transport people back for hours, maybe a day or two. Therefore it must have been really powerfull, strong magic to bring me back so much further. And it... well, I read up more and apparently, Time – Turners who release their magic and transport people back normally bring them to the time they were manufactured in, but this one – " She shook the little chain the object being discussed hung on from her neck. " – this one was made in 1944. It should've taken me back into this time."

For a moment, Dumbledore's and Hermione's eyes met. They both thought about the same thing, about the person who had been in Hogwarts at that time. Hermione had looked it up again, to be sure, but there was no mistaking. Tom Marvolo Riddle had started his last year at Hogwarts in 1944.

"But it brought me here and that means it has something to do with the magic that hit it. And I thought about it and it must mean that either the caster of the spell that hit my coat was born in this year or went to Hogwarts in this year or that the wand he or she used was made in this year. And I personally think that it was probably the wand because... well, because it's what the magic is channeled through and it always influences the magic." She rattered on fastly, trying to chase away the thought in her brain about what would have been had the Time – Turner transported her back to 1944.

"It definitely makes sense, Miss Granger. Congratulations." He smiled at her over his fingertips. "I am quite impressed."

"Thank you. And... well, there's something else I wanted to talk about. I've... I've been having strange dreams. About how... how the world could've been. Could be. Sometimes it's just small stuff, sometimes it's really big stuff."

Like last night were she had dreamt about how Voldemort had not been defeated because he had not known where the Potters were. The world had been a dark, unfriendly and dangerous place.

"And you remember how much I panicked when I woke up in the Hospital Wing, don't you? And how I panicked about being here? Well, it's still true, all I said back then. I could... I could change everything by being here. For better or for worse. But I thought about it and I realised... I can't change anything. If I do, I might not ever get back here and then nothing would change and then I'd get back here... it would create a paradox."

Dumbledore nodded slightly. "Yes, Miss Granger. You would create a paradox. You would probably blow holes into the fabric of our reality, in the make up of time and space, which is worse."

Hermione, who had known her observations to be true, couldn't help it as a strange little noise between a cry and a sob escaped her lips. Hearing her theory being confirmed by Dumbledore was so much worse than knowing it to be true in the back of her head because Dumbledore was almost always right.

She hated him for that for a few seconds. That, however, stopped, when she felt his hands on her shoulders, trying to calm her down.

"Miss Granger. I understand that this all is very upsetting for you, but I promise that you will find a way to be okay."

She looked up at the wizard and whispered: "I don't want me to be okay. I want them to be okay."

It was true. She knew of the fate of all of her now friends and it made her want to change things even though she knew what it would do to the universe. But she could not risk the destrcution of the Universe for a few people, could she? She could not dare to create a paradox only to save a few people who had grown on her, could she?

"It's really quite terrible, do you know, Professor? To see them like this. To see them so happy and carefree and cheerfull when I know, I know exactly how... how broken and sad and desperate all of them will be some day." Hermione bit down on her lower lip which she had been chewing while thinking, but this time she tasted blood. "It breaks my heart. I wonder... I wonder what the point is. Not only of all of this, of me being here, but also... also of their happiness. What's the point of them being happy when they are going to be so sad in the end?"

Dumbledore, who had regarded her very carefully through his glasses, smiled sadly and pitifully at her. "Miss Granger, you do know that everything that has come to life must die. Every living thing fades and perishes, it lies in it's nature. But while all living things disappear, so do most other things. And happiness is one of them. It is due to our ever changing life that we must become unhappy again some day. Happiness must go and make room for sadness. And that is the point of happiness. So that when we are caught in our intricate webs of overwhelming sadness, we can remember that we were happy once and will be happy again." He stood up and walked around his desk, coming down to her eye level. "And Miss Granger, there is somethign else you have to understand. Even though all of humanity seems to have agreed that time is a strict progression from cause – to – effect, it is far more complicated than that. No, no, time is not a line, the form that comes closest to it is – in my opinion – a big ball of wibbly – wobbly, timey – wimey stuff. And it can partially be rewritten. Therefore do not worry, Miss Granger."

She nodded, cleared her throat and looked up to meet the Headmaster's eyes before speaking. "I want to become a part of the Order of the Phoenix."

He sighed and returned behind his desk. "Miss Granger, I'm afraid that this is quite impossible at the moment. You are still a minor and a student. I cannot put you in the danger being part of the Order would bring with it."

She was on her feet and directly in front of the desk, her fingers digging into the hard wood. "Professor. I was... I will be born in 1979 and the incident that brought me here occured in the early summer 1998, making me 18 years old. I am not a minor. And..." She took a deep breath, then rolled up her sleeve to reveal the "Mudblood" scar on her arm. "I have already fought. I have battled Death Eaters and I have seen death and suffering. I have been captured and tortured. I am not scared of whatever danger being a part of the Order would bring with it. Please, Professor. Let me be a part of the Order."

Dumbledore sighed and averted his eyes from the scar on her arm. She rolled the sleeve down again. "I will think about your request, Miss Granger, but nonetheless, the feast will start soon. You should go downstairs and indulge into ridiculous amounts of good food."

As Hermione stepped into the Great Hall, the feast was just starting. She had made a quick detour to one of the girl's bathrooms to calm down, but a part of her was still freaking out internally. Scanning the hall, she found Lily, Mary and Dorcas at the Gryffindor table and headed over to them.

"Where are Marlene and Alice?" She asked as she sat down.

Lily sighed and pushed a potato around on her plate. "Still upstairs. Alice is upset that Frank left and she won't be seeing him again soon. It's hard on her, you know? He's in this big fucking danger and she's here, secure and protected and unable to do anything. If something happens to him, she'll only find out when it's to late."

Hermione's eyebrows shot upwards. Lily rarely swore and that she did now, using rather strong words, meant that she was just as upset as Alice. The book worm opened her mouth to ask what was going on, but was interrupted by a loud, defeaning noise.

The pumpkins had opened their mouths and started to sing all of a sudden, each of them loud and not quite hitting the notes the right way. And the song was just plain rude.

Looking down the table, she noticed the way Peter smiled gleefully, while James and Sirius highfived. Remus met her eyes and sent her a sly smile.

Lily sighed and pushed her plate away. "Those idiots. Typical prank of the Marauders, making these stupid pumpkins sing."

As if the pumpkins had heard her comment, they started floating of from the places the Professors had put them, each of them starting to hover and linger around different students, singing songs precicesly about them.

"Oh, look!" exclaimed Dorcas, pointing at the Slythering table where three of the pumpkins were hovering around Severus, singing at the top of their squeaky voices about his hair. "As usually, Snivellus gets a special role in the prank."

Lily grinned a tiny bit.

But then her smile vanished as she stared in horror at something behind Hermione's head. "Oh no!" she exclaimed.

"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? / Thou art more lovely and more temperate /  
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May / And summer's lease hath all too short a date." started the pumpkin to recite in its loud, high pitched voice.

"Oh no, no, no, no!" Lily burried her face in her heads, but then jumped up and walked over to where James was sitting, hands on her hips. "Really, Potter? REALLY?" Shrieked she.

"Did you like the gesture, Evans?" He said, smiling up at her. "I thought this one was describing you perfectly. 'Thou art more lovely and more temperate' made me think of you."

"I liked that poem, Potter. I really liked it. I mean, it is Shakespeare and it's beautiful, but from now one I'll never be able to read or hear that poem without thinking about a pumpkin that quoted it at me and your stupid face." Exasperated, she threw her hands in the air. "I liked that poem and you ruined it." With that, she stomped of, completly ignoring what James was trying to say to her in his defence.

"Well, quoting poetry at her apparently won't help your case, my dearest Prongsie." said Sirius. "Oh look, Snivellus has four of them around him now!"

James shrugged. "I don't really care about Snivellus right now, you know?" He looked at the doors through wich Lily had just marched. "And you're wrong. Bewitching a pumpkin to make him quote poetry at her hasn't worked. But who knows what'll happen if I quote poetry at her?"

Peter shook his head bemusedly. "Why don't you give up and go out with another girl? I mean, the place's full with them."

"Well, Peter, because just like summer, none of the other girls stand a chance against Lily Evans."


	7. Chapter 6: The oncoming Darkness

**I again apologize for not posting earlier. I am in the last weeks of my time as a student and have big exams coming up, so I don't have much time to write. To be honest, I also didn't feel like posting because I was a bit disappointed by the lack of reactions to the last two chapters... but this is a rather long chapter to make up for that and the fact that I'm not really sure when I'll post again due to school. I hope you like this chapter, though.  
Love, ClaireFolie**

**_Do not go gentle into that good night,  
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;  
Rage, rage against the dying of the light_**.

_(Dylan Thomas)_

Chapter 6: The oncoming Darkness

It was the 8th of November that Hermione finally and for the first time dared to read the Daily Prophet during breakfast, sitting with her usual group of girls, and even then it was only due to the way Marlene's face had turned ashen and she had dropped her toast upon reading whatever was written in the paper.

"What's going on, Marlene?" she muttered and set down her knife. Without another word the brunette passed her the paper.

**Death Eaters more active again**

_After almost nine months of peace and silence, the kid nappings and murders linked to the so called "Death Eaters" have started again. The "Dark Mark" has been seen above at least five now vacant houses in which Muggle – born witches and wizards resided. The Auror office is investigating and has released a press statement saying that there are reasons to suspect that the following persons have joined the "Death Eaters"..._

Hermione took a quick look at the following names but stopped as she came across two she knew: Black, Bellatrix at the very top of the list and a bit further down, Malfoy, Lucius.

"Black and Malfoy are Death Eaters..." she mumbled.

Marlene shook her head. "That's not it. Look, here. The last name." She said and pointed at the last name.

"Zabini, Helena." Read Hermione. "What about her?"

"Well, she was just two years older than us. Pretty girl, had an almost constant string of lovers. Hooked up with almost every boy, regardless of house. Even with Black and Potter over there, you know?" explained Dorcas. "No one expected her to become one of them. I mean, she was a Ravenclaw."

"Exactly. If anyone, you expected her little sister to become a Death Eater, Mila Zabini. She's a year younger than us and in Slytherin." Added Marlene, glancing over her shoulder back to the table were a curvy, black haired girl sat within a group of Syltherins.

Hermione tried and succeeded to surpress a noise of disdain. "And it's surprising you that her older sister became one of them because she wasn't in Slytherin? Really? As if only Slytherins could become Dark Wizards. They don't have a monopoly on that, you know." She couldn't help but steal a glance at the Marauders, sitting a bit further down the table, deeply immersed in conversation. "Everyone could turn traitor."

"How can you even say that, Hermione?" exclaimed Lily, jumping up from the table in shock and spilling her orange juice. "How can you imply any of us would join him? Nobody on this table would ever do that! Hermione, don't you understand, we need to be able to completely trust each other. If we stop trusting each other, we will loose!"

A few heads turned towards them, but Hermione ignored them as she got up. "All I'm saying, Lily, is that you need to stop thinking along the lines of 'All Slytherins are bad and everybody is good' because the world isn't that simple, as much as we'd all like it to be. There is a war going on outside of those doors and if we keep on being deluded and naive, if we keep on being willingly blind to the possibilities, we will loose. Slytherins can become Death Eaters, but so can Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs or even Gryffindors. But they can also become good and if you don't start seeing that, you will regret it some day."

With that, she grabbed a muffin and marched out of the hall, leaving Lily flabbergasted and hurt at the table.

"What was that about?" mumbled Marlene, staring at the red head who was now sitting back down oppsite of her.

"I have no idea. What has gotten into her today? Implying that anyone of us could turn traitor... Crazy." Lily angrily rammed her fork into a sausage. "As if any of us ever would."

Hermione leaned against the wall of the potions corridor across from her classroom's door and sighed before taking another bite out of her muffin. She hadn't meant to explode like this, but it had annoyed her to no end how readily Marlene and Dorcas had believed every single Slytherin must be evil while everybody else was completely and utterely good while down the table sat the future traitor that would cost some of their lives.

As if he had heard her thoughts, Peter turned the corner, accompanied by Sirius, James and Remus who, after seeing her, stopped dead in their tracks for a moment before Sirius moved first and sat down beside her.

"Well, that was quite a show you put up there." He remarked and stole a bit of muffin.

"I just... I just can't believe they're really this... this blind and prejudiced, you know?" She exclaimed in frustration. "I mean, as if it is such a big surprise that a Ravenclaw could become a Death Eater."

James sighed as he sat down on the other side of the corridor, Remus and Peter beside him. "You didn't meet her, therefore you don't know... but she was a really nice and kind girl. Always fun to be around as well. I guess that's partially why they were so surprised."

"Yeah, but you have to admit that none of us ever expected a Ravenclaw to become one of them." Interrupted Peter. "In fact we never expected anyone who wasn't in Sytherin to turn all muggle – killer and dark wizard and stuff. Or anyone from Slytherin to not turn out that way." When he noticed the glare Hermione shot him, he raised his hands defensively. "Don't give me that look!"

"It's just... Argh! How can you all be so blind? Especially you four!" She angrily picked at the muffin. "I mean, if anyone has proof that you can turn out good even though you're supposed to be bad, it's you four!"

"Excuse me?" asked Sirius, eye brows raised.

She slapped him on the arm before she explained. "I'm talking about you, Sirius Black." She put a special emphasis on his name. "And your family, 'The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black'. You were supposed to durn all muggle – killer and dark wizard yourself and look at you, sitting next to a Muggle – born like me, chatting away ever so friendly."

"Yeah, but Sirius is a Gryffindor." Chirped Peter, eyeing her questionally.

Hermione was on her feet in seconds. "Then what about Alphard Black? And Andromeda? They were both in Slytherin and still abandoned the family tradition. And Re..." But her hand flew to her mouth before she could spill the name of Sirius' little brother. "And refrained from torturing Muggle – borns or blood – traitors. Not all pure – bloods and Slytherins are bad!"

"Oh, that is so nice of you to say!" A voice exclaimed in mock emotion from behind her and as the bushy haired Gryffindor turned around, she was face to face with Avery and Mulciber. "I was so worried nobody would ever believe in me!"

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were at their feet within seconds. "What do you want, Avery?" asked Remus, glaring daggers at the Slytherin.

"Oh, I wanted to thank our little angel here for believing in me and my House." He smiled as he stepped closer, reaching out for her hair, but Hermione flinched back. "Oh, don't be shy. I will not hurt you." And this time he got her hair, whirling one of the brown curls around his finger. "Even though you are wrong, you know that? There is the odd blood traitor scum, but most of us are just what it seems and you would do good to remember that."

"Back off, Avery or so help me God." Sirius had appeared beside Hermione, wand pointed at Avery's temple and one hand resting on the small of Hermione's back. "I'm not joking."

"Oh, the noble knight Black, come to save his pretty princess from the vicious dragon. I am indefinitely scared of you and will now back away." Replied Avery, again a mocking tone in his voice before snorting and drawing his wand to press it against Hermione's chest. "How unfortunate that the dragon can't be scared away that easily."

"Are you really sure about that, Avery?" Hermione heard James ask from behind her back and without looking she knew that he now had his wand trained on Avery as well.

She heard Mulciber's dry laugh. "Oh, isn't it just lovely? The four Marauders ready to duel us for one little girl. What Evans would say if she saw you like this, Potter?" He had now also drawn his wand and was targeting James.

"Oh, I am delighted to see that he's doing something useful for a change, you know, protecting one of my friends and stuff." Lily had appeared at the top of the stairs leading to the class room, a furious expression on her face. "You are outnumbered, Avery, Mulciber. So back off already."

However, the look on the faces of the Slytherins screamed that they were going to do anything but that, but by a lucky coincidence – or due to the fact that Potions had to start soon – a door at the other end of the corridor opened and they could hear the signature sound of Professor Slughorn approaching. Instantly they all lowered there wands and the Slytherins backed away while Lily in company of Dorcas, Marlene and Alice rushed down to hug Hermione.

"Are you alright? Avery didn't hurt you, did he?" Hermione shook her head. "Good, I'd hate to clean his blood off the walls."

"Remind me to never anger you that much, Evans." Exclaimed James. "I'd hate to die at your beautiful hands."

She shot him an annoyed glare before saying: "Thank you for... trying to protect her or whatever."

"Hermione Granger is our friend as well, you know, Evans." Explained James. "Even though we already have our signature book worm and she seems a bit deluded at times."

"Thank you very much, James." Replied Hermione sarcastically. "The fact that you think I'm deluded is really soothing."

Those were the last words she exchanged with the Marauders as Slughorn opened the door and they all went inside and took their places.

The Advanced Potions class was comparably small, there were only twenty - two students from all four houses and Slughorn had taken a liking to randomly pair them up when he thought it was needed. Today, it seemed, would be one of those days as their were only eleven cauldrons scattered across the room.

Lily groaned inwardly at the prospect of being forced to work with someone else. The only really worth while potions partner in her opinion were Severus Snape, with whom she wasn't on speaking terms anymore, and Hermione.

"Well, Miss Evans, if you would please take a seat beside Mr. Black over there... right, perfect." With an outward groan, the red head packed her back and stomped over to the cauldron Slughorn had pointed at. "Miss Meadowes and Mister Pettigrew... good... Mr. Fletcher and Miss McDonald... oh, and Miss Granger and Mr. Snape over there, please!"

Lily looked over and met Hermione's annoyed eyes. She gave her an encouraging smile before turning towards Sirius to say: "Alright, Black. If you mess this up, I will make sure you regret it."

Hermione tried not to throw something at Slughorn's head as she marched over to the cauldren she now had to work at. Of all the people it had to be Snape! Even Avery would have been a tiny bit better than this.

It wasn't that she hated Snape because she really didn't anymore. She did hate him through almost all her school life when he embarassed her at every given opportunity, made her feel small and stupid and had looked away when one of his precious Slytherins had wronged her. Now she felt a strange mixture between immense pity, sorrow and a tiny bit of remaining anger. He had had a difficult life – he would have a difficult life – but that did not give him the right to be a bully. At the same time, she couldn't help admiring his bravery and magical ability that had enabled him to trick Voldemort, but she could not help wondering wether his ideals had changed as well or if he had only tried to defeat Voldemort for Lily's sake and his own redemption.

But as he crossed over to their shared cauldron now, throwing her a short, disgusted look, she knew that this would not be two pleasant hours and she would have to do her very best to not slit his throat with the knife she'd need to prepare the ingredients.

She had been so right. Not only was the potion they were supposed to be preparing extremely difficult, Snape had also decided to be a bastard. He barely talked and when he did, it was only to give her instructions. He also only let her do the very easy, minor stuff like stirring the potion or controling the temperature, obviously convinced that she was far too stupid to not mess everything up.

There was another problem. Nobody but Dumbledore knew about the scar on her arm and she had no intention to change that, meaning that she had to wear long sleeved clothes at all times to make sure nobody saw it. She wasn't really ashamed of it and had never had a problem to show it in her own time, but she wasn't keen on having to explain it to anyone. Normally that wasn't a problem, since it was November and fairly cold, but during potions it usually got far too warm for comfort. Now she either could roll up her sleeves and bare the scar, hoping that Snape was too busy to notice and everyone else was too far away or keep the sleeves down and slowly boil in the warmth of the cauldron.

"Granger. The temperature is too low. Pay attention, will you?" Barked Snape and with a sigh, she got down and prodded the fire a bit with her wand. The heat increased and as she stood up again, she couldn't help it and rolled up her sleeves, revealing her forearms and thereby her scar.

But it seemed to be her lucky day because Snape continued to work beside her without really looking at her, thus not noticing the scar. Hermione relaxed a little and glanced up at the clock, smiling happily as she saw that there were only ten minutes left until the end of the lesson. Their potion was also perfect which meant a high mark for today's lesson. All in all, she was content with how things had gone.

Too content, probably, because when she had placed the vial with their potion on Slughorns table and came back to tidy up her stuff, she still left her sleeves up and was completely oblivious to the fact that, as she reached over to get her book, Snape could see her bare forearm and therefor her scar perfectly well.

She saw him freeze and realized her mistake, hastily pulling down her sleeve and grabbing her book, retracting her arm. But she could see that he had seen the word on her arm.

Blushing furiously, but keeping a proud posture she started to stuff her belongings back into her bag without looking at the black haired boy. But before she could leave, he leaned closer to her, whispering so quietly that only she could hear: "I didn't know your kind is being labeled now. Nice idea, though. Should be mandatory."

Hermione's mouth fell open in shock, just like her bag which she had allowed to drop, spilling her belongings all over the dungeons floor. Snape laughed cruelly, then pushed himself past her, making her tumbel down.

Lily stared for a moment at Hermione, brows furrowed in worry, before she whirled around, leaving Black to tidy up and followed Snape outside of the classroom. She had unconsciously drawn her wand as she called out after him.

He turned around, robes billowing dramatically around him, but Lily wasn't impressed. Within seconds, she was at his side, pushing him at the wall, glaring angrily and pressing her wand against his adam's apple.

"I don't know what you said to Hermione. I don' even care. But you hurt her and I do not tolerate that. It doesn't matter that we used to be friends, you hear me? You hurt me and her and if you do it again – in fact, if you ever hurt any of my friends again – you will pay for it. Understood?"

She didn't even wait to see his reaction, but turned around and stormed away, not back towards the class room but away, up the stairs and towards the Great Hall.

"What was that about, Severus?" He turned around to saw Avery and Mulciber.

He smiled cruelly. "Oh, you didn't notice then? That new girl, Granger has a scar on her forearm, stating her blood status very openly. I suggested to her that it became mandatory for those of her kind."

Avery laughed approvingly and clapped Severus on the back, not noticing that the commentary on Granger hadn't been directed at him and his friend alone, but at Sirius, James, Remus and Peter as well, who had left the class room right after the two Slytherins.

"He can't be serious, can he?" asked the werewolf. "I mean, I've never seen that scar Snivellus was talking about and..."

"Yeah, but she usually wears long sleeves." Interupted Sirius. "As if she's trying to keep something hidden."

"You don't really think... do you? Who would do something like that?" Mumbled James, frowning.

"I don't know. I don't even know if it's true, but I'll sure as hell find out soon. Very soon."

When Hermione left the class room two minutes later, having packed her stuff and sorted it, she was the very last to go. She wasn't in a hurry since she had a free period now that she intended to completely spend in the library, but when she left the room, she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Sirius." The black haired boy looked up at the exclamation of his name, a half crooked grin spreading over his face. His eyes, however, were dark and angry as he stepped away from the wall he had been leaning against.

"Hermione."

"What's going on?" Something about him was scary, she noticed, as she backed away from him, but he followed suit, stepping two steps closer to her for every step she took until she could feel the corridor wall against her back.

He reached for her hair, playing slightly with one of her curls before trailing his hand along her shoulder and to her hand. "Nothing. Nothing bad. Don't worry." He tried to calm her down, but his eyes remained dark and now his smile was entirely gone.

Hermione felt her breath falter for a moment as his slender fingers wrapped around her hand and loosened her grip on her bag. She was too focused on trying to breathe evenly to notice what he was actually doing until she felt his hand ghost over her now bare forearm. Then she realised what he was actually trying to do.

"No! Sirius, stop it!" She exclaimed before she noticed that he had the wrong arm. She was about to be relieved, but he had just noticed as well that it was the wrong arm and was now letting it go to grab the other one. Hermione started struggling and trying to push him away from her, but he was stronger and she wasn't even really surprised by it. "Please, Sirius, stop it!"

His hand was now around her other wrist and he was trying to drag her arm away from the wall so he could see it, completely tuning out her pleas. She was still struggling against him, trying to push herself of the wall or to pull her arm out of his grip, but it was futile.

"Stop it!" It now came out as a strangeled sob and she was surprised to notice the tears spilling from her eyes. "Sirius, just stop!"

But it was too late. He had now not only dragged her arm up to his eye level, but also pushed the sleeve up. The scar was clearly visible in the light of the torches, glinting in the light as if it was mocking her.

"Sirius..." She choked.

"Who?" He growled, staring at the scar in disgust. "Who did this to you?" He had let go of her arm so she covered her face with her hands to hide her tears and her shame. "Hermione! Tell me who did this!" He demanded loudly.

She shook her head, sobbing quietly. It was strange, the scar had never really bothered her that much. Of course, it was a horrible reminder of what Bellatrix Lestrange had done to her, but that was just what it was supposed to be. She knew that the cruel and crazy witch had done it on purpose, to make her feel ashamed for the rest of her life, to always remind her of what she was and what it meant to be a witch born in the Muggle world. It had never really bothered her that much because that was just what Bellatrix would have wanted, but being subjected to the cruel remarks of Severus Snape and then having Sirius, who she had trusted, attack her so violently to see the scar was too much for her. She leaned against the wall, hoping it would swallow her so she wouldn't have to keep seeing Sirius' angry face.

"Hermione! Damn it, tell me already!" He exclaimed, slapping his hand against the wall in frustatrion, causing her to jump. Only then he really realised in which state she was and that it was all his fault. "Oh Merlin, Hermione!" His voice was softer now and he reached for her shoulders to carefully pull her away from the wall and into a soothing embrace. "Hermione, Hermione... I'm so sorry... I didn't... I didn't want to hurt you like that, I'm so sorry."

She sobbed into his shirt quietly, shivering and still shocked about what had just happened. He started drawing circles on her back with one hand, the other one was entangled in her hair. Finally she calmed down enough to mutter something against his chest.

"Sorry...?"

She lifted her head. "I said... I said I don't know, I never saw the face of who did this." She lied in a whisper.

"What happened?"

She sighed, nuzzling her head against his chest once more, but then turning it so he could hear her when she answered. "Remus told you what happened before I came here, before you found me, didn't he?"

"Yes."

He could feel her hesitation. "I... I lied. I didn't escape. Not right away." She took a deep breath before she continued talking – lying – to him. "They... they captured me. I don't know where they took me or why, but they did and they..." She hesitated for a moment. "TheyTorturedMe." A hand on her arm, precisely where the scar was, she mumbled: "That's how I got the scar. They... one of them cut it into my skin. She tought every one should be able to see what I was."

"How did you get away?"

"I... I blacked out sometime during it all and woke up in the basement... and I... I found the enchanted Time – Turner my mother had given me in my shoe and it activated and took me to Hogsmeade." She mumbled. "Where you found me and brought me here."

Sirius burried his head in her hair, bathing in the fruity scent of her shampoo – vanilla and citrus – while trying to fight down the immense anger bubbling up inside of him, both at whoever had done this to her and at himself for forcing her to reveal this secret the way he head done. Not really concioussly, he let his lips slide lower until they rested against her hairline and then pulled back a bit before pressing them against her forehead. "I'll make them pay for this." He whispered against her skin.

The next day, Avery, Snape and Mulciber were found tied up, put under silencing charm and thorougly hexed beyond recognition in the toilet of the Moaning Myrtle who was chatting away about everything and nothing around them. How they came to be there was the secret of four particular Gryffindors and a ginger Prefect.


	8. Chapter 7: Observations

**__****Lovely people! I'm sorry for being slow with my writing and updating again. I know I warned you all, but that doesn't make my tardiness more acceptable. Thank you for your great reactions to the sixth chapter!  
So. A new chapter and I am really anxious to hear your opinions on this one.****Please do tell me if you like or dislike the direction I am taking this.****_  
_****Love, Claire Folie**

**_Would it have been worth_****_ while,_****  
**_**To have bitten off the matter with a smile,**_  
**_To have squeezed the universe into a ball  
To roll it toward some overwhelming question  
_**_(T. S. Elliot)_

Chapter 7: Observations

"So it's true?" asked a baffled James after Sirius had gotten back to the Gryffindor tower and the other three Marauders had seen the look on his face. "She really has that scar?"

"Yes. She has a scar labeling her as a Mudblood." Pressed Sirius through his gritted teeth. "Someone carved it onto the skin of her forearm."

"But who would do such a thing?" mumbled Peter. Even he, who never had had much to do with Hermione, was shocked. She was a kind and smart girl, occasionally helping him with his homework if he hit a dead end and so what if her parents were Muggles?

"Oh, I can think of just the people who would do something like this. Bigoted, cruel, inbred idiots, convinced that people like her are nothing but dirt beneath their shoes and all to happy to make that known to her, to see her suffer for her birth and the fact that she has the audaciousness to be a witch. Those kind of people would do such a thing." Sirius collapsed into one of the comfy chairs, burrying his face in his hands. "Merlin, I will make every single one of them pay."

"How did it happen?" asked the quiet voice of Remus Lupin from one of the sides.

"Captured her after she brought her parents to the border. She doesn't know where they took her or why or who they were, but they tortured her. One of them carved it into her skin. She escaped when she discovered the Time – Turner in her shoe." His voice was low, but he knew the others heard him as there was the sound of a snapping quill and the sharp intake of breath.

"Shit. Poor girl." Mumbled James. "And the bastard Snape brought it up again to hurt her."

They were silent for a long moment, staring at the fire intently, each of them burried in their own thoughts, before Peter spoke up again. "But, Padfoot, how did you see it? I mean, she seemed to be ashamed of it or something, she was trying to hide it. Did she just show it to you or what?"

"Not quite." Mumbled Sirius into his hands, feeling the shame boil up inside of him again.

"Sirius Black, you did not just seriously force a girl to reveal a scar that she had been given during possibly one of the worst moments in her life and teased about just minutes before, did you?" Remus voice was filled with barely restrained anger at his best friend who did not dare to look up to meet his eyes. That was really all Remus needed as an answer. "One day your sheer stupidity will make me strangle you with my bare hands."

"Do we really need to do this now? I'd much rather discuss what we are going to do with those slimy Snakes who know." Interrupted Peter, as usually concerned for the peace within the group. Though it was nothing unusual for them to receive death threats from Remus.

"Whatever it is, there will be hell to pay for them." Mumbled Remus, who sat in the only chair from which one could easily observe the portrait whole and every one who entered. In this case, it was Hermione, who still looked a bit distraught and as if she had recently cried.

And there really would be, especially after the scene at dinner. Almost all Slytherins had glared daggers, pointed at and whispered about Hermione when she had entered the hall and when Sirius and Remus saw her flush scarlett and hide her face behind her bushy curls, they both had outstrechted a hand to reassure her. When they saw that the other one was mirroring the gesture, they both immediatley stopped.

It was Lily who broke the following akwardness of the moment. She hurried up to Hermione and squeezed her shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Don't worry about them, Hermione, they're not worth your time." She steered her to a place among the girls and left Sirius and Remus standing beside each other, both with a slight frown on their face. It was the first time they considered the possibility of them both liking the same girl.

James, who had watched the scene unfold, gave a tiny cough as if to clear his throat and they both turned towards them. "So. How about that prank?"

"Look, Lily, I'm not... I'm not even really hungry, I'm just drop dead tired, I'll just go up and to bed." Argued Hermione meanwhile a bit further down the table. "See ya, ok?"

"Herm..." Lily tried to protest but the girl was already hurrying out of the hall. "Gosh, this is just one of those days." She sighed and burried her head in her hands.

"One of those days?" asked Marlene through a mouth of masked potato.

"It's just... it's one of those days were just everything that possible could go wrong does go wrong. Everything just crashes and burns and all you need and want is that tiny little spark of hope but that just... just doesn't show up. And that sucks." Explained Lily. "I just want to curl up in a corner with a blanket, an episode of Doctor Who, loads of chocolate and hibernate until things get better."

"Doctor Who?" Marlene had swallowed and was reaching for a goblet of pumpkin juice.

Lily sighed. Aparently her friend had missed the whole point of it. "It's a TV show. I used to watch every episode with my family." Marlene still looked at her as if she had no idea what Lily was talking about, so the ginger girl just shrugged. "Nevermind."

"Hey. Is there still room under your blanket? I'm all for hibernating."

Lily's eyes met those of Dorcas and the response that had already formed on her tongue disappaered. Dorcas looked as if she had cried and she never cried. Dorcas was though, a fighter, she yelled and cursed and punched, but she never cried. Not ever. So Lily just nodded and squeezed the hand of the girl sitting to her right. "We could really do with some hope, couldn't we?"

As if that was his clues, James looked over at her and smiled, his radiant, brilliant James – y smile that usually made her want to throw something at his head. But for a change, Lily just smiled back.

And then Mary appeared right beside Marlene's shoulder, beaming away happily and as if it had been announced that she would get her NEWTs without having to take a single exam. "You. Are. Not. Going. To. Believe. This!" she exclaimed before falling down on the bench next to Marlene. "This! This if fantastic! Oh, this is brilliant!"

"What happened to you?" asked Lily, completely surprised and far less enthusiastic than her blonde friend probably expected her to be.

"Okay. Do you remember Amos Diggory?" asked Mary.

"What, that Ravenclaw heartthrob?" asked Marlene. Of course they rememberd Amos Diggory. Intelligent, kind, funny and extremely good looking. He played beater for Ravenclaw, was in their year and one of the best in Charms.

"No, the other one from Slytherin." Mary rolled her eyes. "Of course the Ravenclaw heartthrob!" She took a deep breath. "HeAskedMeOut!"

"Wow, congrats!" exclaimed Lily and Marlene in unison. Dorcas just nodded and flashed Mary a brief smile.

"We're meeting tomorrow!"

"But what are you going to do? I mean, it's not a Hogsmeade weekend, so..." asked Lily, slightly frowning. But she didn't really listen to Mary's answer as she noticed Dorcas leaving. She hastily jumped to her feet. "Sounds wonderfull, I'll talk to you later!" With that, she hurried after Dorcas, but when she reached the Entrance Hall, her friend was nowhere to be seen. With a sigh, she leaned against the walls next to the doors to the Great Hall.

All she wanted was a spark of hope. That wasn't too much to ask for, was it?

"And what exactly are you idiots planning again?" The four boys whirled around just to meet the eyes of a furious Lily Evans. They had chosen this empty corridor, hidden behind a tapestry, because the Common Room was too noisy and to full and it was virtually unknown to anyone except them. And apparently Lily Evans.

Remus was the first to answer. "Ah, nothing, Lily, really, we're just discussing homework..."

"A prank, more likely." Lily was annoyed. Lily was angry and sad and hopeless and right now, she was having none of this.

"Yeah. Yeah, we're discussing a prank. Of sorts. And unless you want to be involved or hexed, you should go to bed, Evans." James stood up – they had all been seated on the floor – and approached Lily. "Really, Evans. Just go and sleep and don't worry because this is for a good cause."

"I can't. I'm on patrol duty and you are supposed to be in your dormitory or I'll have to dock points, so just take your own advice and go to bed if you don't want to be hexed." But the wheels in her mind were turning. "And what do you mean, a good cause?"

"Look, Evans..." Sirius had gotten up as well now. "...we can't tell you..."

"But why can't we, though?" James turned and met his best friend's eyes. "She's good with her hexes and in a way this has to do with her as well. I mean, Hermione's her friend, too."

"Hermione? What are you planning to do to her?"

James turned back to her. "Not to her. To a bunch of people who did something to her." He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "You interested, Evans?"

As they locked the door to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, James turned and gave her a vibrant smile. "That is devilish, do you know? This is far too devilish to have been the idea of someone so pretty."

Lily playfully punched James' arm and rolled her eyes. "Oh do shut up, Potter." But when she touched his arm, felt the fabric of his uniform under her knuckles and the heat radiating of him, she also felt a spark. A teeny tiny spark of hope.

Dorcas sighed and leaned against the wodden desk, rubbing over her eyes with the back of her hand. She wasn't crying, not again. She hadn't cried since her brother and she wouldn't start to cry now. No way. Definitely not. Not over something like that.

As if fate – if such a thing existed – had heard her and wanted to laugh in her face for being so foolish, the door burst open and two familiar shapes stumbled in, a boy with broad shoulders and an even broader grin dragging a petite, blonde girl after him. She laughed and pulled him back to her, bringing his lips down on hers, completely oblivious to Dorcas's presence until the Gryffindor cleared her throat.

Mary immediately let go of her boyfriend and looked at Dorcas a bit sheepishly. "Dorcas. I... sorry, I didn't notice you."

Dorcas just shook her head and walked out silently, not even looking at Mary. For a reason she couldn't quite grasp or put into words, she felt numbed. Had felt that way ever since Mary had come to her before dinner the day before and told her about Diggory asking her out, a gleefull expression on her face.

She rounded a corner, not really looking and thus walking into Lily and James who were laughing loudly about something or other. Normally, Dorcas would have frozen on the spot and made a remark and teased Lily about her friendly interaction with Potter for weeks, but since she wasn't herself, she just swallowed and tried to mask her feelings.

But Lily would not be fooled. She grabbed Dorcas's arm and yanked her back, giving James an apologetic look. He just shrugged and turned away, breaking out into a wide grin as soon as he was sure that Lily wouldn't see it. He had just spend nearly ten minutes talking to his favorite ginger without getting hexed, slapper or yelled at. It was Christmas!

Aforementioned ginger turned towards her friend. "What's going on, Don? You seem... upset."

Dorcas shook her head and pulled her arm out of Lily's grasp. "It's nothing. Really, Lils, don't worry."

Lils and Don. They'd been calling each other that since first year, before they had really been friends with Marlene, Alice and Mary. None of them remembered, why or how, but it had stuck with them for five years and ever since then, they had used it almost like a code for when something was seriously wrong. By using it, Lily had implied that something was wrong with Dorcas and her friend had conformed this by using the nickname as well. Thus Lily hadn't even let her finish her sentence before wrapping her arms around Dorcas.

They leaned against the wall, Lily still with one arm wrapped around Dorcas' shoulder before they talked again. "So... what's going on? You've seemed... sad or something since dinner last night."

Dorcas shrugged, then swallowed. "I... remember what Mary told you all at dinner last night?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well... she told me before dinner."

Lily squeezed Dorcas's shoulder tightly. So Dorcas was in love with the boy that was dating one of their best friends. This was one stupid and shitty situation for everyone. "Oh, Don! I'm sure if you told her, she'd break up with him for you. I mean, you couldn't date him either, but at least you wouldn't have to see them together all the time."

Dorcas swallowed again. Lily had it all wrong. It was true, she was upset that Mary was dating that Diggory bloke, but apart from that, she had misunderstood Dorcas and now Dorcas wasn't sure if she should tell her the truth. She didn't think that Lily would react badly or annoyed but it wasn't like what she would tell her friend was easily acceptable. She hadn't told anyone because she feared the reactions of the people that surrounded her. And especially with Lily this could be difficult. But she had to tell someone and maybe Lily was the go – to person in this situation. So she swallowed one last time before she whispered that it wasn't about Diggory, it was about...

"...Mary?" Lily whispered and Donna just nodded.

The next seconds were though for both of them. Lily tried to process the informations Dorcas had just given her while Dorcas waited anxiously for Lily's reaction. Finally Lily cleared her throat. "How long?"

"A while. A month... two at most." Whispered Dorcas. "But... it's different. Than with boys, I mean. It's not just a crush. It feels... deeper."

Lily sighed and rested her head on Dorcas's shoulder. "Oh darling. I'm so sorry."

"It's weird, though, isn't it?" Remus said, staring at the ceiling of their dormitory. He was laying on his back on the floor, an open book on his chest. "I mean, I remember her telling us that her mother was a muggle born witch who taught her magic at home until she came here. So why would they carve 'Mudblood' on her skin if she's a Half – Blood? That doesn't make any sense."

Sirius hung his head from his bed and looked at Remus. "Moony, we're talking about Death Eaters here. My cousins, my brother, Snivellus and the likes. You don't honestly expect them to make sense, do you?"

Remus stretched his arms and then proceeded to scratch his head. "Dunno... but still, why would they have taken her in the first place? I mean, she's great, but it's not like she's a threat to anyone or something. So why take her in the first place? I mean, she obviously doesn't sympathise with their ideas, but why not kill her right on the spot? No, instead they took her. So they must have needed her for something. But what for?"

"Oh, Moony, stop obsessing." Whined James from his bed.

"James, we listen to you obsessing about Evans all the time! Moony can obsess all he wants!" protested Peter.

Remus turned his head and tried to catch Peter's eyes to nod thankfully, but couldn't spot his chubby friend. "I don't care if you don't see it, but there is something odd about her. Something is not normal about her and I'm going to find out what."

The other three boys, all of them lying on their beds, exchanged quick glances. Remus Lupin, probably the most unusual boy with the biggest mystery of them all, was going to unveil the mystery about an unusual girl.

Hermione was fastly walking from her study session in the now closed libary towards the Gryffindor tower when she heard the flapping wings and the faint hooting of an owl. She turned around to see a big barn owl – one of the school owls – fly towards her, swooshing over her head and dropping a little roll of parchment behind her. She picked it up and unrolled it. After reading, a feeling of grim satisfaction and determination filled her stomach.

She was in the Order of the Phoenix. Again.

With a sigh she entered through the Portrait Hole and was halfway towards the stairs up to her dormitory when she noticed someone calling her name. She turned and saw Sirius, who had previously sat in one of the armchairs. "Hey Sirius." The smallest smile was tugging on her lips.

"Hey Hermione."

"Did you wait up for me?" As Sirius nodded, she frowned a bit. "Why? What's going on?"

He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at his shoes before answering. "I... I wanted to apologize. For what I did yesterday. For... forcing you to show me your arm."

She swallowed and almost instinctly grabbed her arm. Yeah, that had been one terrible moment. "It's... it's okay. I'm okay. We're okay. I'm not... mad or anything." She whispered and it was only half a lie. She wasn't okay, but it was okay. And she wasn't mad at him.

"Yeah. Still, I'd like to make it up to you." He smiled brightly at her. "Let me take you to Hogsmeade next weekend. My treat. Just the two of us."

That was unexpected. She was close to saying no, but then she looked at him again and he looked so... hopeful that she couldn't force the words "No, I'm sorry, but I can't" out of her mouth and instead just nodded.

"Brilliant! I'll pick you up on Saturday after lunch, alright?" He beamed at her and then ruffled her hair before skipping up the stairs.

It took Hermione a few seconds to realize that she had probably just agreed to go on a date with Sirius Black.


	9. Chapter 8: And Actions

_I again apologize for being this rubbish at uploading regularly. To make up for it there is this chapter and the next one, which I think are maybe kind of good enough to make up for my rubbish uploading. They contain quite a bit of *Eleventh Doctor voice* kissing, so yes._

_On another note, I've been thinking about writing interludes that will deal with how certain characters react to certain things happening. They will probably be like the Prologue, written from a first person point of view and more of an internal monologue than anything. All of those interludes will show something that otherwise wouldn't be included. What do you think of this idea? Please, please, please tell me your opinions on the matter in a short review. The first Interlude would, if you are in favor of the idea, be set as the eleventh chapter, after the next one._

_So, that's it from me. Enjoy the chapter!_

_**And when you trace my jawline and**_  
_**butterfly kisses down my wrist I want**_  
_**to yell stopstopstop! because I'm already**_  
_**taken and given and sold. But I see your**_  
_**eyes and I see the love and how could**_  
_**I ever tell you ****no?**  
(Anonymous)_

Chapter 8: And Actions

"Oh, come on, just ask him already. What is the worst that can happen?"

"I don't know, maybe him saying no?"

"Why would he? I mean, you're pretty, funny, charming, intelligent... everything a boy could want."

Remus looked up from his essay and threw Sirius an annoyed glare. "Pads, go and take care of your little admirer, it's disctracting." Whispered the werewolf.

"Why should I? She'll come over sooner or later." He replied, stretching his arms over his head. "And this is boring anyway." He looked through the empty places in the shelves at the two Ravenclaw girls in the next aisle that were supposedly quietly discussing the chances of one of them getting a date with him but where loud enough to be overheard by the four of them. "Hey, does anyone of you know them?"

Remus and Peter both peered over their shoulder and then shook their heads, but James eyes went wide. "Oh, I know them! The blonde is one of the Ravenclaw chasers, a fifth year... I think her name was Emelia Tyler or something."

"And who is the other one?" asked Peter.

"No idea." James replied. "Never saw her before."

"Well, great. Then I just hope it's not her who's asking me out." Mumbled Sirius.

Remus just rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his book, but not before sharing a glance with Peter that seemed to say "He is so full of himself". The conversation of the girls had stilled and the library was now filled with nothing but the scratching of quills on parchment, the whisper of turning pages and the occasional shuffling of feet.

Then suddenly those shuffling noises grew louder until they disappeared, only to be replaced by the sound of someone clearing their throat. They looked up in unison to see the Ravenclaw chaser standing at their table and now that Remus got a chance to look at her properly, he noticed that she was indeed rather pretty with a petite frame and reddish – blonde hair braided loosely down her back. "Hey, boys."

"Hey Emelia." Greeted Sirius, flashing her what he thougt to be his most charming smile. "What's up?"

"Not much." She smiled at Sirius nervously, but then turned her attention towards James. "So... James, I was wondering... you know, I'm having quite a bit of trouble with Transfiguration at the moment and I heard you are really, really good and I was wondering if you could maybe help me with it."

James blinked a few times in surprise before he nodded and started to gather his things. "'Course I can. What are you doing in Transfiguration at the moment?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed, licking her lip nervously. "I... I didn't mean right now, I've got Quidditch practice in 15 minutes and I think I need more time than that to learn properly. Why don't we meet Saturday?"

James nodded and then brightly voiced his agreement, before sending her a dazzling smile. "I'll pick you up after lunch, if that's alright with you."

"That's more than alright. Thank you so much, James!" With that, she turned and walked away, a little bounce in her step.

"Well, that was unexpected." Mumbled Sirius a bit sheepishly.

"You just expected her to ask you out, not James." Deadpanned Peter without even looking up.

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but was cut short by James exclaiming. "That wasn't asking out, that was asking for help. With Transfiguration. Nothing big."

"Sure, mate, because the look of complete adoration on her face was about your Transfiguration skills." Mumbled Remus, not bothering to look up either.

James was still fishing for an answer when Sirius spoke up. "Anyway, seems like we both got ourselves a date for Saturday after lunch." This was what finally made Remus and Peter look up from their essays, both raising their eyebrows questioningly, a clear indication to Sirius that he should continue talking. "Yeah, I'm taking Hermione to Hogsmeade."

Over the ecstatic exclamations of Peter and James, Sirius completely missed the snapping of a quill and the dark look on Remus' face before he forced himself to grin, ignoring the bitter whispers of "Well, you should've asked her first", "Think of what you are" and "Of course she's going out with Sirius Black, look at him" that were sounding at the back of his mind.

The remaining days of the week passed easily enough, filled with the usual lessons, homework and the animated chatter of friends discussing the fact that there were dates to be had.

Hermione's friends were almost falling over each other trying to give her helpful advice on how she should go about impressing Sirius Black while that was close to the last thing she wanted. It only made her more nervous and she almost regretted telling them, but at the same time she hadn't been able to contain her happiness about being taken back into the Order when she had woken up the morning after the news had reached her. Befuddled by her delighted grin – a rare occurence on most days and even rarer since the whole incident about her scar – they had asked what was going on and unable to make up a suitable, convincing lie during those early hours of the day, she had told them about the second occurence that had made her kind of happy – ish in a way, namely Sirius asking her out. Kind of.

It wasn't that Sirius asking out had not made her happy. And it certainly wasn't like it had made her unhappy. But Sirius asking her out had made Hermione anxious and nervous first and then kind of happy and not – happy at the same time. She wasn't sure how she should manage spending a few hours alone with him without letting something slip about who she really was and the constant advice of her friends made the situation worse, mostly because it was all along the lines of "Relax, be yourself, be natural, he likes that" when she had not really been herself for months.

The Marauders, at the same time, had blown up Filch's cabinet with confiscated belongings of pupils and destroyed a cupboard filled with intricate, but in their opinion useless magical equipement by dropping it onto a bunch of Slytherins that had unfortunately survived and done both of those things because Moony had allowed his mischievous side out. Both of those events had taken place after Peter, James and Sirius had had a full – fledged discussion about their respective dates which Remus, usually the first to advise his friends on their romantic quests, had only listened to with about half a mind.

Although James proclaimed his study session with Emelia to be just that, he kept messing up his hair whenever someone started talking about her and seemed a bit too keen and not at all keen on the study session at the same time. Sirius kept teasing him about her relentlessly, comparing Lily and Emelia, but as soon as James mentioned Hermione, he reacted nonchalantly before shutting up for the next ten minutes.

Now Hermione was sitting at the Gryffindor table, poking her food with a fork, but not motivated enough to eat something. There was a strange knot in her stomach that kept her from touching any food at all during the day.

Mary nudged her with her shoulder and smiled encouraginly. "Too nervous to eat?" Hermione just nodded. "Don't worry, I felt the same when I met with Amos. It'll go away as soon as you're with him and you'll be able to eat something once you're in the village."

Hermione just smiled. She really couldn't handle more of her friend's advice at the moment, well meant as it was. Looking up, she saw Sirius approach them and put down her fork. "Well. I better get going. See you all tonight." She smiled and stood up, taking her bag.

"Have fun!" exclaimed Lily. Hermione threw another smile at her, then met Sirius a few steps from their group away.

"Ready to go?" He smiled at her, wide and excited, a happy glint in his eyes.

She smiled back tentatively. There was a lump forming in her throat when she looked at him too long, so she cast her eyes back down before she answered with a shy "Yeah. Ready to go." Glancing at him, she saw that even though her behavious must surely seem strange to him, his wide smile never faltered. She stepped up beside him and this time allowed her eyes to lock with his for longer, only staring back at her shoes when he did so first. Silently, they started leaving the hall, their hands occasionally brushing against each other, but never really touching.

Once out of the Great Hall, Hermione released a sigh. She had felt about a billion eyes boring into her back as they had left and had unknowingly tensed even more, but being away from the majority of the students enabled her to relax a little bit.

Sirius had of course noticed this and smiled down at her. "Here, let me carry your bag." He offered and held out his hand. "It looks heavy."

"Oh no, not at all." Hermione said, but didn't let go of her bag. "Look, I'm a big girl, I can carry it." He raised an eyebrow, but she shook her head. "Well, are you going to take me to Hogsmeade or not, pretty boy?"

"Did you just call me 'pretty boy'?" He gave her a puzzled once over, but she just grinned and starting walking towards the doors that lead out of the castle. "Oh, not that way. We wouldn't want anyone to see us, would we?"

"I think every single student in there just saw us." She reminded him.

He grinned. "And isn't that just fabulous?" With that, he held out his hand for her to take and after a few seconds, she did.

James stared at the door for a long moment even after Sirius and Hermione had disappeared through it, then put down his fork with an exasperated sigh before glancing over to where Lily still sat and discussed with her friends. "Why does he get to go out with the girl he likes while I get slapped and hexed every time I even go near her?" He mumbled, uncaring if his friends had heard him complain. The pat Peter gaves his arm indicated they had.

"Don't you have a girl to meet, too?" Asked Remus somewhat bitterly.

Puzzled, James looked up and met his friend's eyes. They seemed stormy and annoyed. "I have. And I should go and do the meeting, shouldn't I?"

"Yeah, you should." Confirmed Remus. "Do me a favor and don't go the the Library, that's where I'll be."

"Duly noted." Replied James and stood up. "I'll see you when I see you." With that, he crossed the room to the Ravenclaw table, looking for Emilia and allowing himself to smile a little as he reached her place. Silently he leaned down and placed his head right beside hers before whispering "Bo!".

She flinched violently, causing her glass of pumpkin juice to tumble, but he caught it easily before it could spill it's content. "James. You scared me."

"That was my intention, so I won't say I'm sorry. Ready for a little lesson in Transfiguration?"

"Of course." She turned to her friends. "I guess you'll all be in the Library?" One of the girls – the dark haired one that had been in the Library with Emelia – nodded. "Good." With that, she got up and James got the first chance to admire her attire. She was wearing a simple jeans and a burgundy pullover with a nice v – neck instead of her school uniform.

His smile widened a bit. She looked nice and, while they walked out of the Hall, he told her so. It suprised her, but she grinned at him and thanked him happily before asking where they were going to practice.

"How about a nice abondoned class room on the second floor?" He suggested with a cheeky grin and she just nodded.

"So you know secret passageways that lead out of Hogwarts and into Hogsmeade?" Hermione hoped that the faked surprise and adoration in her voice were convincing. "That is awesome!" Just as the words had left her mouth, she stumbled and almost fell, but Sirius, walking directly behind her, caught her by sneaking an arm around her hip. She felt a blush creeping up all over her face and took a step away from him before turning. "Thanks."

"Nothing to thank me for." He replied, ruffling a hand through his hair. "We're close to the village now... maybe two minutes more and then we're there."

Hermione nodded and turned around, asking how Sirius knew about this tunnel but not really listening. He had taken her to a mirror on the fourth floor and then through a passageway Harry had told her had caved in. She sighed quietly, thinking of Harry always made her chest ache, which was why she barely ever allowed herself to do so. It did her no good, even though – or mabye because – she missed him so much.

And Ron. While she barely ever thought of Harry, the unwanted thought of Ron was almost always there at the back of her mind, though she had only allowed it to surface four of five times so far. But now it was there, beating at the walls of the cell she had built to contain the thought of him.

They had been going somewhere, her and Ron. Ever since the final battle, ever since that kiss during the heat of the moment, they'd been kind of going out. Well, going out wasn't the right word since they had barely ever gone anywhere – except funerals – but they had behaved very much like a couple. She had taken to sleeping in his bed, curled up in his arms to fight of the nightmares, he had constantly held her hand or placed one of his one the small of her back and they had kissed plenty. They had never really spoken about what they were, but it was obvious that they were something, something serious.

And now here she was, years before he would even be born, going on a date with Sirius Black, of all people. Her best friend's godfather. Her best friend's dead godfather.

But he was here, a few steps behind her, watching her every move and – if she wasn't mistaken – checking out her bum, taking her to Hogsmeade. Was she cheating on Ron? Was this cheating? Going out with a boy that she knew as a man, who had been dead to her for more than two years, while the boy she had considered her boyfriend, was not even born yet?

She didn't know and there was a part of her that didn't even want to find out. Thinking about it gave her both a head –and a heartache, both of which she really did not want.

Then suddenly she was out of the dark, damp tunnel and in the snowy woods close to the town. She gasped in surprise and felt Sirius step out of directly behind her, placing one hand on the small of her back as if it belonged there.

"Beautiful." She whispered.

"Yeah, you are."

She turned around and smacked him playfully against the chest, saying that's not what she meant. He grinned. "But that's what I meant."

"Thank you."

He shook his head and wrapped an arm around her. "Let's go and get something warm to drink. You must be freezing."

Unconsciously she snuggled closer to him and leaned into his warmth. It was indeed cold.

"Again." James ordered, watching Emelia from the desk he was sitting on. "Just move your wand a little softer this time."

Emelia groaned in annoyance. "Please, James, it's never gonna work if you don't show me the right movements again. I know this is bothersome and I'm sorry, but I really need your help with this."

He sighed, but smiled before jumping of the table and walking towards her, drawing his own wand. "Ok, look closely now." With that, he stopped beside her and held his wand in the air, moving it in an intricate bow. "Like this. Got it?"

She frowned slightly and chewed on her lip before mumbling "Again, please." Sighing, James complied and this time, Emelia copied the movement, but less gracefully.

"Almost." James said and placed his wand on the table he had been sitting on just seconds earlier before wrapping his fingers around hers. "Let me show you again."

She nodded, tongue darting out to lick over her lips as a slight rosie hue tinged her cheeks and she realized that not only did she look quite pretty with her blond hair in an elegant braid and some loose curls around her fragile, roundish face, but that her small, soft hand felt good in his.

Slowly he moved their hands through the motion required to make the transformation work before letting her hand go so she could repeat it. It wasn't quite perfect, but it was okay. Nonetheless, he found his hand around hers, guiding her wordlessly.

Emilia watched James from the corner of her eye, hoping he could not feel her heartbeat. He was such a handsome, nice person. Funny, too. And clever. She had quite liked him for a while, even though she wouldn't call it a crush or love. Just liking. But now, being next to him, his smell in his nose and his hand wrapped around hers, she could feel the floor slipping from underneath her more and more almost every second she spend in his presence.

"You've got a bit of hot chocolate... right... there." Sirius said, reaching across the table in Madam Pudifoot's and hesitatingly wiping his thumb over the corner of her lips while his other fingers rested against her jawline, his fingertips grazing her earlobe. She looked at him, leaning over the table, his arm outstretched and his hand lingering on her face for far too long by now, and felt her breath hitch in her throat.

Her eyes never leaving his, she mumbled a "thank you", hoping that her voice didn't betray just how nervous she was.

So far, their date had been going great, with an endless flow of conversation and just a tiny bit of comfortable silence when it was appropiate. He had paid for her hot chocolate and pulled out her chair and generally behaved very gentlemanly and now was still cupping her face, looking at her in a way she could barely describe. No one had ever looked at her like this.

"Sirius?" She whispered, looking at him questioningly.

His eyes were still locked on hers, but as she said his name, he blinked and whatever it had been vanished. With something akin to an embarrassed cough, he took his hand of her face and clutched his coffee mug instead. "Äh... do you want to go?" He offers a bit sheepishly.

She nodded, her chocolate had long since been emtpy anyway. "I mean... it's getting late anyway, we should probably head back."

"Yeah." With the tiniest of smiles, he stood up, took her coat while she stood up as well and then helped her into it. He then opened the door of the café for her and followed her outside.

They silently walked beside each other through the snow, both in thought, altough it was far from being an uncomfortable silence. Then they rounded a corner and Hermione stopped for a moment, frowning. Noticing that she wasn't beside him anymore, Sirius stopped as well and crossed over to her, stopping only inches away from her. She could almost feel his breath on her face when he asked: "What's wrong?"

She looked down the alley before meeting his eyes again. Her answer was whispered and he took another step closer to her to hear her better. "I... this is the street I arrived in back in September, isn't it?"

He watched her for a moment before looking at the alley himself and nodding. "Yeah. It really is. The alley we... well, I first saw you in."

She sighed. "It's... it's been two months. I have been here for two months."

And then it suddenly really hit her. Two months. She had lived two months in the past and even though she had mostly figured out how she had gotten here, she had no idea to about how to get back because even though wizards could travel backwards, they couldn't travel forwards in time because while the past was mostly somehow fixed, the future was still in a sort of flux.

There was no way back.

She would never see her friends again.

She would never see her parents again.

She would never see Ron again.

Her next action was purely instinct, born from a terrible realization and the desperation that came with it and looking back on it, she never was quite sure if she should cherish or resent the moment she stepped closer to Sirius Black, clasped her hands around his neck and pulled him down until her lips met his.

Hermione Granger would have been lying if she had denied thinking about how it would feel like to kiss Sirius Black. She had expected it to be a hot, frenzied, passionate kiss, brash and claiming, but it wasn't. Sirius' lips were gentle, sweet and unassuming on hers while his hands wandered down her arms and to her waist.

She pulled back a bit, just enough to look into his eyes. "And the alley we first kissed in."


	10. Chapter 9: And Revelations

_So, lovely people. This one is a really quick upload - just four days after the eight chapter. Unless there's any protest in the reviews to this chapter, the next one will be a short interlude.  
Love, ClaireFolie_

**_"I'Tis pity if the case require_**  
**_(Or so we say) that in the end_**  
**_We speak the literal to inspire_**  
**_The understanding of a friend"  
_**_(Robert Frost)_

Chapter 9: And Revelations

Dorcas stared out the window at the thick falling snow, blowing a bit of air between her lips at her fringe. The Christmas holidays were only a day away and somehow, for the first time in a while, she was relieved to be able to go home.

Next to her, on the floor of the common room, Mary was animatedly discussing with herself what she should buy Amos as a Christmas present while her other friends pretended to listen. Dorcas, meanwhile, had long given up on even pretending to care. Whenever Mary started talking about her fantastic boyfriend, she just tuned her out and hoped her friend would not notice.

But this time, in the unusually quiet common room, it was rather hard. And snowflakes were only interesting for so long.

"I don't know if I'm going to get him anything." Answered Hermione almost shyly, catching Dorcas' attention. Apparently Mary had just asked her about her Christmas present for Sirius.

"Why not?" Dorcas asked, glad about the way the conversation was leading away from Mary and her boyfriend.

Hermione fiddled with one of her curls. "I don't know. I mean, we've been spending some time together now and then, but we haven't really been on a date since that first one back in the middle of November and we've never talked about if we're a thing... so I don't know." A smile crept on her lips, thinking back to how Sirius sometimes stole her away from her group of friends to spend a few hours with her somewhere, a little secret place he had wanted to show her or how he sometimes swooped down and stole a kiss when she was working in the library. It did somehow resembel boyfriend behaviour, but then again, they never really publically held hands or kissed or treated the other one like a significant person.

It was probably silly, but Hermione didn't have that much experience when it came to dating. Her relationship with Ron had only just begun when she had been sucked back in time and before that, there had only been Viktor Krum and she wasn't sure if that qualified as a relationship at all.

Mary had, of course, not noticed her silent contemplation and instead started giving her advice that she hadn't heard while her friends around her were trying not to be too annoyed. So Hermione just cut her off and asked them what they were doing over the holidays.

Alice was the first to answer: "I'll spend a few days with my family and on the 26th, I'll go over to Frank's place until I come back to Hogwarts."

"Doesn't he have to work?" asked Mary curiously.

Alice shrugged. "Yeah, but I'll spend some time with his family when he's at work. They're really nice, especially his mother and his sister." She explained.

Hermione smiled a bit and remembered Neville's grandmother, Augusta. The feisty woman had seemed quite fond of Alice from what she could recall from that one time they had really met her and fiercly proud of her and Frank. She wasn't surprised that Alice thought of them as nice people.

"I'll meet my sister's boyfriend for the first time this Christmas." Lily said almost sadly. "I don't know if he knows about me, but I don't think so. Which means I'll have to spend all of Christmas pretending to be a Muggle going to some stupid school my sister will have made up who is fond of her idiot boyfriend."

"Will it really be that bad?" asked Marlene sympathetically.

"Yes. My sister's insanely jealous, but would never ever admit to it. So she pretends that I'm a freak. Also her taste in men is really bad."

Hermione frowned slightly. After what she remembered from Harry's tales, Petunia had seemed rather cold hearted towards her sister's son while spoiling her own relentlessly. "Why don't you stay here, with me?" She asked, placing her head on her knees.

Lily shook her head and sighed. "I can't. It's a tradition. I spend all other holidays here, my family expects me to be home. And I miss my parents. If I have to put up with Tuni, so be it."

Hermione bit her lip almost nervously. "Am I the only one staying here, then?"

"I think so." Mary answered apologetically. "I'm sorry. My family expects me back as well."

Marlene nodded confirmingly and Dorcas said "Mine, too. I'm really sorry, Hermione." She extended a hand and ruffled through her friend's bushy hair. "But the boys usually stay. And they throw a really great New Ýear's party, I've heard. I'm sure it won't be too bad."

Hermione nodded and let her eyes wander towards the group of boys that were crowding around a table, staring intently at bits and pieces of parchment. More than a week with just the boys, the Marauders around. She wasn't quite sure yet if this wasn't going to be too bad.

Watching the carriages with her friend's glide away, Hermione sighed ever so slightly and tried almost desperately to repress a shudder. She was sure that none of the students beside her could see the Thestrals but that didn't keep them from giving her the creeps.

With a sigh, she remembered how it felt to be flying on their back when she still had been unable to see them. She would give everything not to be able to see them now because it would mean that she hadn't seen Fred die.

Fred. Her throat constricted as she allowed herself a brief thought back to the boy who had died and hadn't even been born yet. She had considered him a friend, the rogue, mischievous older brother of her best friend. And then he had died in front of her eyes, taking away so many things with him.

Abruptly she turned around and walked back towards the castle, trying to stop thinking of the lost twin. He hadn't even been born yet, for God's sake. Once he was born, he'd have years to live still. And, if she played her cards right, she could maybe even save him. Maybe he would not die after all.

Taking off the hood of her jacket and her gloves, she stilled for a moment, trying to decide where to go. Back to the Common Room and the few people still there? Or maybe to the Library?

However, she wasn't able to make a decision as somebody suddenly scooped her up in their arms from behind, placing a kiss on her cheek. "There you are."

As Sirius set her back down, Hermione turned and smiled up at him. "Missed me, then?"

"Oh yes, loads." He answered before bringing his lips down on hers, first gently, then with more and more passion.

She almost needed to swat him away when she started to need air again and he wouldn't budge. "Well, I can see that."

"So, what do you plan on doing today?" He asked. "I'll have to help the others set up the great Christmas prank, but after that, I'm all yours, you know."

"Good to know. I think I'll be in the Common Room."

"Alright."

He leaned down and placed a short, chaste kiss on her lips before turning away. Hermione suddenly grabbed his sleeve and tugged him back. "Sirius." He turned back to her, frowning slightly. She bit her lower lip nervously. "Do we do big Christmas presents?"

He grinned and placed a short kiss on her forehead. "We do Christmas presents. We don't do big ones, however." With that, he turned and, before being out of sight, send her a short kiss through the air.

A little flustered, Hermione turned in the direction of one of the hidden passage ways to Hogsmeade. Time to get her boyfriend a small present.

Christmas came and went the way it always did at Hogwarts. Hermione woke up alone in the girls' dormitory to find a bunch of neatly wrapped gifts at the end of their bed and started opening them, although with little enthusiasm. There were no presents from her parents – who usually had send her a stack of Muggle books they thought she might like – and none from Harry and Ron either, making her feel lonely and sad even though her friends and Sirius had all send her something.

But it wasn't the same and the things she didn't get – a Weasley sweater, Muggle books from her parents and something from Ron and Harry – meant more to her than what she had gotten. She didn't feel like eating breakfast so instead she stayed up in the dormitory, curled into a ball in her bed and either staring out the window at the snow or reading and revising.

Maybe it was silly, she thought, to be moping about the loss of people that didn't even exist yet when there were more important things to worry about, but the non – existence of certain presents made her heart clench every time she looked at the pile of now unwrapped gifts and the bits of wrapping paper on the floor. She missed Christmas the way it had been almost every year at Hogwarts and didn't care to see how Christmas would be in this time, with those people, wanting nothing more than to curl up in one of the big comfy chairs in the Common Room wearing her Weasley sweater with one of her Muggle novels while Ron and Harry played Wizard's Chess across from her.

Then again, those had been the only people she had known at Hogwarts for years and they had been always there, somehow. Even when their dynamics had shifted, even when they hadn't really spoken, Harry and Ron had always been around somehow. Third year had been lonely when she hadn't spoken to them, but back then she had been able to watch them at least. Now they were completely gone, non – existant entities that she missed dearly.

The loss of her parents, however, struck another cord entirely. She had not been able to talk to them in almost a year, having had to delete the memories of their entire lives together from their mind and then fighting in the war. Her mother and father had always been trying to understand and so immensely kind. Not having had a chance of speaking to them and giving them their memories back before she had disappeared into the past was her biggest regret.

Startling slightly she noticed that she didn't even have a single picture of them. This was when she couldn't hold the tears back anymore.

A knock on the door woke her up from a nod she must have fallen into after crying. Sitting up, she wiped her eyes and called whoever it was in, rather sure it was Sirius. He saw her on the bed and, without asking any further questions, stepped into the room and walked over to her, sitting down beside her wordlessly.

She frowned ever so slightly. "How come you're up here?" She asked, her voice still sounding raspy and insecure.

He shrugged. "You missed both meals of the day so far. We were worried and I decided to check on you." When he saw her still puzzled look, he shrugged once more. "We figured out a way to get around the protective spells on the stairs ages ago."

A weak smile that didn't reach her eyes broke out on her lips. "I just... kind of overslept." She mumbled meekly.

It was obvious from his frown that Sirius didn't believe a single word. "And what is really going on?"

Leaning against his broad shoulders, Hermione allowed her to feel her grief one more. "I just... I just really miss my parents. That's all."

He squeezed her ever so slighlty. "I'm really sorry."

"I don't even have a single picture of them, you know. And I can't... I can hardly remember their faces." A strangled sob escaped her lips and she was sure there were more to come yet, but suddenly Sirius lips were on hers.

After a few seconds, he pulled back. "Don't you dare cry now, it's Christmas. And I'm pretty sure your parents would rather see you happy today."

She sighed, burying her head in his shoulder. "You're probably right about that." With another sigh, she allowed herself to fall back onto her bed. "They alway send me Muggle books for Christmas, they knew I loved reading them."

Sirius eyebrows shot up, but he quickly masked his surprise and lay down beside her. Why would her parents send her the books when she was living with them? But he decided not to ask and rather to tell Remus who seemed to be making a list of "Suspicious Hermione Granger Behaviour". Turning his head, he placed a short kiss on the tip of her nose. "Tell me more about them."

"My dad worked as a dentist... you know, it's a Muggle job where you fix people's teeth. He'd leave early every day and my mum would stay home to teach me, but she'd always make him breakfast. It was rubbish, with burnt toast and all, but he'd eat it anyway and pretend he liked it." She recounted.

The next days passed amiably, but uneventful. Sirius had gotten Hermione a few Muggle novels from the Hogwarts Library the day after Christmas Day that they had spent entirely in her dormitory talking. As New Year's Eve krept closer, the Marauders, who had spent their time at first either flying through the snow, playing Wizard Chess in the Common Room or staging fake duels, were getting more and more busy with the preparation for their party that was now only two days away which meant they were usually crowed around a table in the apart from them empty Common Room, discussing details.

They kept chattering quite loudly next to her and with an annoyed sigh, Hermione closed her rather new looking copy of "Wuthering Heights". For one of the Hogwarts Library books, it was looking rather good, but then again, it was a Muggle classic and she doubted that there were many wizards reading them. Looking up, she suddenly noticed that Remus wasn't with them and within a second realized why. Yesterday had been the full moon and he must know be somewhere to recover from it.

"Boys, can't you be a little more... quiet?" She asked annoyedly. "I'm trying to read here."

Peter looked up and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, but we can't. We're trying to decide which music to play and that always ends in arguments."

A sliver of ice lodged itself in Hermione's heart. Closing her book and leaving it on the chair, she stood up. "Well, I'll better go upstairs then." She stepped over, placed her hands lightly on Sirius' shoulders. His face turned into a mask of pain before he quickly covered it up again and, pretending to not have noticed it, she placed a kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you lot at dinner."

When she had climbed a few stairs, she hid in the shadows and waited, eavesdropping on her friends.

"You alright, Pads?" Was James first question as soon as he thought she was out of earshot. "That looked painful."

"It's okay. I just hope she didn't notice." He answered. "Moony got me good this time round."

She bit her lip and then heard the sound of fabric rustling as if someone was taking of their shirt. Curiosity taking over, she quietly walked back down the stairs and into the Common Room.

Sirius bare back was to her, allowing her to see his right shoulder covered in a by now bloodied bandage. She couldn't stiffle her shocked gasp, making the boys turn towards her.

"What... what happened to you?" She asked, a clear ring of panic in her voice.

The boys exchanged a look. "I... I was hit by a... by the Whomping Willow. We were trying to get close and I was hit. Prongsieboy dared me to!" Sirius defended himself as he saw her angry expression.

"Why didn't you go to Madam Pomfrey with this? It could get infected!" She scolded, stepping closer.

James scratched his head and looked down at the table. "Well, you know... we didnt really want to get into trouble again... after the Christmas prank and all..." He lied.

She sighed and rubbed her face with one hand while reaching for her wand with the other one. "Take that off and let me see it." She commanded. They exchanged another set of looks and as Peter was about to open his mouth to protest, she shot him a deadly look. "Now. Take it off."

With a sigh, Sirius started to take away the bandage, exposing his shoulder and revealing three long, bloody gashes. She stepped closer and set down beside him, trying not to contort her face in disgust. "I'm sorry. I must have hurt you earlier on." She apologized.

"Don't worry, you weren't to know." He replied and leaned in, placing the tinies kiss on her lips.

She returned her attention to his shoulder. "Well, it isn't infected, so that's good. Should be easier to heal that way." She looked up. "Peter, please guard the door while I heal this."

The chubby boy stared at her in amazement as he got up. "You know how to heal?" He asked.

Hermione nodded sternly. "My mother thaugt me. She used to work as a healer before I was born." Was all she gave as an explanation. "The door, Peter." She reminded him and he walked away and through the portrait hole, making sure no one would come through. Once he was gone, Hermione allowed herself a little sigh. It was always hard to keep the disgust and hatred out of her demeanour when talking to him.

Sirius grinned at her happily. "Did you hear that, Prongs? She can heal. I picked the best girl in all of Hogwarts."

"You're not secretly dating Evans, are you?" James asked with faked befuddlement.

"Shush it now, you two. I need to focus." Hermione reprimaned the bantering boys and they followed her command, but kept on commenting through eye movements. "Tergeo." She whispered and watched as the dried blood was cleared away. "You realize that you are a bunch of terrible idiots, right?" They just nodded and, satisfied, Hermione turned her attention back to Sirius' shoulder. Remembering Ron's wound, she wondered if it would not have been better if she could use Diptram. But then again, this was a werewolf wound – no matter what they tried to tell her, she knew – and therefore, something else would have to do. Luckily during her time preparing for the Horcrux hunt, she had read up on all sort of magical injuries, even those caused by a werewolf's claw and whispering under her breath, started to close the bloody gashes.

As the last bit of skin healed, she looked up to see Sirius and James watch her with wonder. "You... you are absolutely brilliant, do you know that?" James rasped out.

"I know. But next time I heal such a wound on any of you four, you'll do my homework as payment." She said. As the last bit of skin grew back together, leaving a bright red scar on Sirius shoulder, she handed him his shirt. "I'm sorry about the scars, but I don't know how to prevent those."

"Doesn't matter." He replied. "Thank you, Hermione. That was... awesome."

She smiled back and kissed him before taking up her book and hitting him and James over the head with it. "I know I am."

Clutching her champagne glas, Hermione watched the party go on around her. Sirius and James were dancing wildly, Peter was chatting with a female Hufflepuff fith year and Remus was nowhere to be seen.

The party was taking place in an abandoned, bewitched class room close to the Astronomy tower where they had lighted the fireworks about an hour ago. There were people from fourth year upwards from every house except Slytherin milling about everywhere, drinking, talking dancing and occasionally snogging. With her boyfriend dancing and her girlfriends missing, Hermione however, had decided to remain in her corner for a bit to emty her third glass of champagne before possibly getting something with more alcohol afterwards.

She gulped back the last bits of her drink and walked back to the bar, closing her hand around a bottle of fire whiskey. Before she was able to pick up a glass, a hand was placed on her shoulder.

"Can I talk to you in private?" Remus asked, an almost dark look on his face. Hermione nodded, taken aback, and still clutching the bottle, followed him outside of the class room. He kept walking on until they reached a corridor two corners away from the party and only then slid down to the floor, his back against the wall. She sat down beside him, offering him the bottle. He accepted and took a long gulp of it before passing it back to her. Smiling slightly, she drank a bit as well. "Thank you for healing Sirius."

"No biggie." She said as soon as she sat the bottle down and screwed the cap back on. "What were you wanting to talk about?"

He gave her a once over and took a deep breath, as if trying to prepare for something. Then his eyes – bright green, she noticed, like fresh leaves in the spring, with just the tiniest ring of brown in them – locked on hers. "I know what you are."

The bottle she had still been holding fell and broke, splashing them both with Fire Whiskey. Hermione was on her feet in seconds, her wand in her shaking hand, and pointed it at the shards of glass. "Reparo." She mumbled before turning her attention back to Remus, who had stood up as well. "I don't know what you're talking about."

He took two steps closer to her, watching her softly but at the same time, she felt threatened, begging to every deity she knew that he hadn't figured out her secret.

Of course, her hope was smashed when he opened his mouth and said: "I know what you are and that everything you told me at the beginning of this year was a load of bullshit. I know you're a Time Traveler, Hermione."

She backed away from him until she felt the cold stone wall behind her back and her face turning red and heated. "I... what are you talking about? I told you the Time Turner wasn't working, it was a Portkey. I'm not... I'm not a Time Traveler."

His expression softened a bit. "Hermione, you're a horrible liar, don't you know that?"

With a sigh, she looked down. It was useless now anyway. Remus was smart and he'd see through everything she'd tell him. "I know. It's a miracle I haven't been found out earlier." She mumbled. "What are you going to do know?"

He shrugged. "Nothing. I guess the situation is bad enough for you as it is." He gave her a small smile in return for her grateful one. "But can you tell me why? What are you doing back here? What went so horribly wrong that they'd someone back to try and fix it?"

She sighed and shook her head. "They didn't. I wasn't set back here, it was accident." She mumbled. "Thank you for keeping my secret. I'll keep yours as well."

Remus eyes widened and he suddenly turned chalk white. "You... what... how..."

Tilting her head slightly, she smiled softly the way he had just seconds ago. "I know, Remus. I've known for months and I don't care a bit. You're still the brilliant, clever, kind Remus Lupin I've known for so long."

His eyes widened even more before he shut them for a second. When he opened them again, he suddenly closed the distance between them and pressed his lips on hers in a hungry, desperate kiss.


	11. Interlude I: Seeing her again

_So here we have the first Interlude. I am quite anxious about it and would actually love to hear what you think about it, so please, do write. Constructive criticism is more than welcome!  
Love, ClaireFolie_

Interlude I: Seeing her again

She's there, I know it. I haven't heard her voice in twelve years, but when I hear someone whisper "Nox" on the stairs, I know it's her. I recognize her voice at once.

Just seconds later she's in the room, a skinny, bushy – haired thirteen year old girl with her back turned to me, bowed over her ginger friend whose leg I have broken. She hasn't noticed me yet, fortunately, so I can try to calm my breathing and concentrate on the task at hand.

It's very easy, really. Get the rat. Show Harry the truth. Make him understand. Kill the rat. Get out of here again, somewhere save. Don't let anything slip in front of her. But, most importantly, get the rat and get out.

"He's the dog... he's an Animagus..." Whispers the Ginger – I think she might have mentioned him, his name's Ron – and they turn around while I close the door and disarm them.

Harry looks just like James except for the scar and the eyes. I feel like vomiting or crying – oh James, James, I miss you, I'm so sorry, please forgive me, James, I miss you so much – and I can't really look at him at all right now, so I turn away.

And then there's her and it's nothing – nothing at all – like the last time I've seen her because oh Merlin, she is so, so different. She's thirteen and fragile and strong and naive and smart and untarnished. And yet, she's the same girl and looking at her hurts just as much.

She tries to protect her friends the way she has always done – will always do – and when I realize that she is protecting them from me, I feel like someone has reached a hand inside my gut and given all my organs a sharp twist.

I hate the way she looks at me, her eyes big with fear and mistrust, and a part of me just wants to go over and hug her, take her hand and explain everything and apologize, but I don't. After all this is not the Hermione I've known all my life, she's just a little girl, and nothing I'd say would make any sense to her.

She's thirteen, I tell myself again and again, she doesn't know you yet, she has so much yet to happen to her. Of course, she never told me much – _"I can't, Sirius, you have to understand!" "Please, trust me. Just do this one thing for me and trust me now." "Telling you things – anything at all, the smallest detail – that could change everything, don't you understand?" _– but a lot of things must have happened to her to turn this scrawny thirteen year old into the woman I met in Hogsmeade and the things that happen to her afterwards... well. She's thirteen and she's completely unprepared.

I want to protect her. I want to shelter her and face all the bad things that will happen to her with her, for her. I want to make sure she survives all of this unharmed, but I can't. Right now, she is meeting me for the first time and I'm the enemy, the man who killed her best friend's parents and broke her other best friend's leg and I know she'll do everything to protect them, but, oh Merlin, I want to protect her.

I don't have time for that, I know. I need to focus. Get the rat, make Harry understand, kill him, get out of here and get back to her. I know she's somewhere out there – the real her, the right version of her, the one that knows me inside out and that maybe, maybe still loves me after all – and I know I can find her again to beg her forgiveness.

She'd open the door, her hair a long, brown braid down her back and see me. A smile would light up her face and she'd press her hand over her mouth, eyes wide and teary and she's whisper my name and hug me. The lines on her face and the sadness in her eyes would disappear, the twelve years we haven't spoken and the last conversation we had – _"I beg of you, Sirius, you need to listen to me now, don't do this. Please, please, don't." "I have to, it's all my fault. I need to find him and I need to fight him. I need to make him pay." "NO, please, don't, nothing good will come of this. Just this once, just this one time, listen to me, Sirius, and don't go after him." _– would become meaningless. I'd try to tell her everything and she'd tell me to shut up because she'd just know the way she always knows.

But first, I need to finish this. I can't be distracted any longer. Not by her, not by anything.

It is odd, seeing her again like this, but I push that thought back to the very edge of my consciousness and do whatever I have to do.

In the end, I still fail. Again. Like I always do.


	12. Chapter 10: And Reactions

_So after the Interlude - I am very glad that you did not hate it - here is the tenth chapter that continues exactly where chapter 9 ended. If you were to go back to chapter 3, "Friendships in the making", you'd find that I have changed a tiny little detail: I wrote that Marlene's last name was Adams and not McKinnon. You'll find out why later one._

_And now on to the tenth chapter. I'd, as usually, love to hear your opinion on it._  
_Love, ClaireFolie_

**_" '_****_For everybody said so, all our friends,  
They were all sure our feelings would relate  
So closely! I myself can hardly understand.  
We must leave it now to fate."  
_**_T. S. Elliot_

Chapter 10: And Reactions

Remus' lips where hot and soft on hers, moving against them hungrily as his hands cupped her face and his body pressed her against the wall. Though she had at first been frozen with shock and horror, she felt her own lips moving against those of Remus with equal hunger and her eyes closing slowly. A voice in the back of her foggy mind reminded her faintly that Sirius existed, that she kind of had a boyfriend, but she tuned it out and placed it in the same jail cell her morality was in.

Remus broke away for a second, gasping for air, and stared at her. "Herm – " He was cut short when she grasped his Gryffindor tie and pulled him back down, placing her lips on his with a hunger that matched his own, tasting the Fire Whiskey and chocolate.

Kissing Remus was nothing like kissing Sirius. Where Sirius was loving, soft and close to chaste, Remus' kiss was ravenous, fiery and almost desperate, his one hand tangled in her hair, his other one now brushing against the bare skin of her stomach as he pushed her t – shirt up a bit.

A low, throaty moan escaped his lips before he pulled away again, panting slightly. Their eyes locked and a small smile spread over Hermione's lips before her eyes flitted down to Remus' lips, sligthly open and the red of a ripe cherry. Then they flitted up again to his eyes, but out of the corner of her own, she noticed something and as she looked over Remus' shoulder, saw Sirius at the end of the corridor, staring at them.

The next thing happened incredibly fast. Sirius walked over to them, ripped Remus away from Hermione and administered a punch right onto his nose before turning and walking away. All this happened without a single word falling from his lips.

The witch glanced at Remus who sat on the floor, holding his bloody nose, and then at Sirius' retreating back. "Go." The boy on the floor mumbled. "I'll be fine."

She looked at him again, longer this time, allowing their eyes to lock. "I'm so, so sorry, Remus." With that, she turned and ran after Sirius, finally catching him just before he was about to open the door to the class room with the party in it. "Sirius!" She called out for him and he turned, his handsome face a mask of bitter anger and pain. For the first time since she had come back, he looked just the slightest bit like the Sirius she had met in her third year.

"What, Hermione?" His voice was cold and distant, but that didn't keep her from grabbing his sleeve.

"Please, listen to me, Sirius." She asked, her eyes almost teary. "Just... let me explain. Please."

He took his hand of the door handle and stepped away. "Alright."

She gave a sigh of relief and let go of his sleeve. "I... Sirius, I am so, so incredibly sorry. I don't know what just happened. I don't know how this happened and I know I shouldn't have let this happen. Please believe me. I didn't want to hurt you and I'm sorry I just messed everything up."

She hadn't been able to look at him while she was talking, staring at her shoes instead, but when she suddenly felt a hand on her cheek, she looked up and met Sirius eyes, now soft again. "You didn't mess everything up." He took her small hand in hers, squeezing it tightly and allowing himself to grin a bit, but without the grin actually reaching his eyes. "First time I've been this part of the triangle, you know. I didn't know it would hurt like this. Guess I'll stop kissing other girls when I have one of my own now." His almost grin fell a bit at her confused expression. "Merlin, Hermione. I'm Sirius Black. I've kissed girls with boyfriend and I've kissed girls who weren't the girl I was dating at that time. I've just never seen my best friend the lovely girl I am dating. Like I said, I wasn't expecting it too hurt like this. I kind of flipped out. But we're okay."

Hermione sighed in relief again and leaned against his chest. "Thank you." She whispered.

He placed a short kiss on her forehead. "That being said, I should get back and clear things up with Remus. I'll be back in a bit, just wait for me here."

Hermione nodded and squeezed his hand, opening the door to the class room to see James enthusiastically snogging a blonde girl in a corner while Peter danced in the crowd next to the fifth year from Hufflepuff. She sighed and looked back at Sirius, catching his eyes and smiling gratefully at him.

He retuned the smile before he swiftly turned and walked back to where he knew Remus would probably still be. He found his friend looking into a mirror he had conjured, examining his broken nose. Clearing his throat, Sirius caught his attention. "Let me fix that for you." He said and Remus turned. "Episkey." With a crack that made both of them shudder, the werewolfe's nose fixed itself in it's rightfull place.

"I'm sorry, Sirius. I don't know how this could happen." Lied Remus. Of course he knew. It was only three days after the full moon and although he was much less prominent, the wolf was still strong and, in moments of emotional turmoil, able to bleed through. When Hermione had told him that she didn't care, he had been so shocked that the more animalistic part of his being had taken control and done what he had wanted to do for months by now.

Sirius shrugged, but there was something about the way his mouth was set that told Remus that he had something more to say. "I don't care how it happened. Just don't let it happen again." When he saw the surprised look on Remus face, he continued. "Hermione is my girlfriend, Remus, and for a change one I actually really care about. We're best mates and I care about you a lot more than I care about my own brother, but I care about her even more than that. Just... don't do that again."

Remus nodded silently and watched his friend walk back to the room they had held the party in. As soon as Sirius was around the corner, he turned around and abruptly slammed his fist into the mirror, watching it crack under his knuckles. So Sirius actually really cared about Hermione?

"Figures, Pads, that you have to care about the one girl that knows what I am and still isn't scared."

Lily was astonished when Hermione let out a shrill squeak of excitement before coming to hug her forcefully, causing the ginger witch to drop her bags on the floor of the Common Room.

"Missed me, then?" She said and grinned at her bushy haired friend.

"You have no idea. How was Christmas?"

Lily seemed saddened a bit almost immediately. "Horrid. My sister's boyfriend is an even bigger arse than I expected." With that, she picked up her bags and started to walk up the stairs to their dormitory. Halfway up, Lily started talking again. "And two days before New Year's Eve, I kind of met this boy... we were in Muggle London and he ran into me and spilled his coffee all over me. He took me to out to dinner as an apology for my ruined dress." Hermione drew her eyebrows up questioningly. "I... I don't know what to do. He's a Muggle and I'm hear all year. It wouldn't have worked anyway, you know?"

Stopping in the middle of the stairs, Hermione gave her an awkward hug. "I'm so sorry, Lily. You seem to have really liked him."

Lily allowed herself only a short moment of sadness in her friend's arms before she pulled away. "Well, how were your holidays? How was the party?"

For a tiny moment, Hermione faltered and was close to telling Lily everything – about the terrible loneliness she had felt on Christmas, about the wound on Sirius' shoulder, about the kiss and the pain that she had seen in the eyes of both boys, about the icy coldness she had sometimes felt in the Common Room when James had again gone to meet his Ravenclaw girlfriend and it was just Sirius, Remus, Peter and her – but when she opened her mouth, all that came out was: "Oh, the party was nice and the holidays were uneventful, with everyone gone and all."

She hated lying, she has always been atrociously bad at it, but this time, this life, her life, made her better at it and she hated that even more.

"Have you heard anything of the others?" She asked the Ginger witch who followed her up the stairs.

"I've been writing with Dorcas and we all met up in Diagon Alley between Christmas and New Year's Eve, but apart from that, not really."

With that, they reached their dormitorie's door and entered to find Dorcas, Alice and Marlene sitting on the floor and sharing a packet of chocolates. "Oh, there you two are!" exclaimed Dorcas happily. "It's great to see you, Hermione."

"What, seeing me again is not great?" Lily asked, fake – pouting. Dorcas just rolled her eyes in response.

Hermione flopped down between Alice and Marlene and looked at the girls in her dormitory. She had by now spent five months with them and they had all become close friends, although the friendship was neither as deep as it had been with Harry and Ron nor as deep as it was between the girls. That never stopped her heart from feeling sore when she allowed herself a tiny second's thought towards the future.

"Nice necklace, Alice." Remarked Hermione.

The black haired girl's hand tightened around the golden wing – shaped pendant enclosing a red stone that was hanging on a thin silver necklace around her neck. "My mother gave it to me. It's a family heirloom given to girls when they come off age."

"It even has Gryffindor colours." Dorcas observed before she suddenly frowned. "But you haven't come off age yet. Your birthday is on Valentine's Day."

Alice nodded solemnly. "My mother wanted me to have it beforehand already so she gave it to me over the holidays. She knew she wouldn't see me again until Easter." For a moment, she hesitantly bit her lip. "Look, Frank might be coming on Valentine's day if he can get off his shift, but since it's a Friday this year and there's a Hogsmeade visit scheduled, I wondered if you'd care to join me for a few celebatory drinks in the Hog's Head. Just us girls, you know."

The excited consent of the girl's was all that was needed to make Alice smile for the next few days.

Later on, when the other girls were brushing their teeth and getting ready for bed, Lily tugged on Hermione's sleeve while she was rummaging through her trunk. "Come down to the Common Room with me." Whispered the Prefect and, nodding, Hermione followed her downstairs.

The Common Room was almost empty, except for a few taken up chairs in the corner reserved for studying Gryffindors, and, in an attempt not too disturb them, the girls sat down in the chairs closest to the fireplace. "So, what's going on, Lily?"

"I... I kind of need your advice and I didn't want to discuss it in front of everyone." She admitted. "Do you remember what I told you about that boy I ran into?" Hermione just nodded. "Well, I told him I went to boarding school when we had dinner together and at the end of it, he wrote his adress on a napkin and told me to write him. I... I kept it and brought it here and I checked, the post office in Hogsmeade also delivers letters the Muggle way. So I could write him."

"But you're not sure if you should."

Lily nodded meekly. "I might have given off the impression that I would." Biting her lower lip again, she glanced almost nervously at Hermione. "The thing is that I'm really not sure if I should. I mean, I could barely tell him anything about me without lying. And I'm horrid at lying."

Placing a hand on her friend's arm, Hermione said: "Trust me, having to lie to someone – especially about who you are – is the most horrible, gut – wrenching feeling of all. It's no fun at all. You want to spare yourself that if you can."

The witch nodded sadly. "I guess I'll throw the napkin away or something like that."

"But that wasn't all, was it?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah, well... alright. So there's this boy, Bertram Aubrey. He's a Ravenclaw in our year and he has been my Potions partner for a few lessons now." When she noticed the eyebrow that Hermione had questioningly arched at her, she sighed. "He asked me out when I arrived back at the castle. We ran into each other at the Hogsmeade station and because I lost everybody else, we shared a carriage back up here and in the Entrance Hall he asked me if I'd like to go out with him some time."

"And, would you?"

Another sigh escaped Lily's lips. "I'm not sure. I mean, Chris was sweet and kind and handsome and bright and fun, but he's a Muggle. And you are right, lying to him all the time, especially about who I am, would be horrible. But with Bertram, I'd never have to worry about anything like this. He's really clever and quite kind and loveable, too, and I'm sure getting to know him will be nice."

"You seem a bit smitten with Chris." Stated Hermione and when Lily nodded, she gave the girl's arm another squeeze. "But I think not writing him is a good idea. Go out with that Aubrey guy, get your mind off him. Maybe you'll find yourself just as smitten with him."

Lily opened her mouth to say something, but a sudden, high – pitched giggle coming from the directions of the stairs to the boy's dormitories made her close her mouth and whirl around instead to see a girl with messy reddish – blonde curls was jumping down the stairs, holding hands with James. Not even trying to hide her annoyed frown, she got up and stood firmly in front of the portrait hole. "Who are you, then?" She interrogated coldly.

"Emelia Tyler." She answered equally as cold. "And I'd like to get back to my Common Room."

"Which would be the...?"

"Ravenclaw Common Room."

A fake sweet smile spread on Lily's lips. "Well, when you do, you can tell your house mates that you just lost Ravenclaw twenty poins for being in the Gryffindor Common Room and ten for being wandering around the castle after curfew."

Emelia opened her mouth to protest, but James spoke first. "Really, Evans? Do you have to be that strict about it?"

"Yes, Potter, I have to." She send him her most impressive copy of McGonagall's glare. "And if you plan to accompany your newest girlfriend to her tower, just know that in doing so you'll lose Gryffindor ten points, too."

James opened his mouth protest, but this time Emelia cut him off. "It's fine, really. No reason to lose your house points as well because your jealous Prefect can't get a grip on herself." She whispered loud enough to him so Lily could still hear it, placed a quick peck on his lips and before aforementioned Prefect could do or say anything, slipped past her and out through the portrait hole.

Of course this meant that James was left to deal with a livid Lily who had also been dealing with her own kind of heartache mere minutes before. "Your newest girlfriend, Potter." She stated, an icy coldness ringing in her words. "Don't bring her up here again. Don't let her stay after curfew again and never ever attempt to argue with me about punishment again or I will definetely make sure that you've got to do detention with Binns on every Hogsmeade date for the rest of the year."

"You're just annoyed because my indefinitely clever girlfriend has hit a nerve. You are so jealous you can't even be professional anymore."

"What, jealous because she has to suffer the presence of the most annoying idiot in the whole bloody castle and I don't? You're right, Potter, that's exactly what this is about." She rolled her eyes. "It's a wonder we haven't all been smothered by that ridiculous ego of yours." With that, she turned around and stalked wordlessly off towards the stairs leading up to her dormitory, completely oblivious to both Hermione and the way James was again staring at her bum.

With an exasperated sigh, he allowed himself to fall into the chair next to Hermione Lily had occupied minutes ago. The only communication she gave off towards him was a raised eyebrow.

"What? Are you mad at me now, too?" He asked, even more exasperated if that was even possible. "What is it with Gryffindor girls? At least one of them is always mad at me!"

"Maybe because you are indeed a bit of an idiot." She answered. "Not as much as Lily thinks and certainly not the most annoying one, but you are a bit of an idiot." When she saw his expression fall, she patted his arm as if he was Crookshanks. "She'll come around, I'm sure. I mean, after you stop flaunting your girlfriends in front of her like that, but I'm pretty sure she'll come around."

James sighed and ruffled up his hair before getting back to his feet. "I've heard that she'll come around for almost four years now. I'm starting to lose hope." He mumbled more to himself than to Hermione and trudged back up the stairs.

That didn't keep her from hearing, though, and not for the first time the witch wondered how James and Lily had finally gotten together. She supposed that she'd get to see it now, a thought that didn't help the emotions rising up in her chest again. It was far from fair that she would get to know how her best friend's parents had gotten together while he would never have a chance to hear the story because almost all people who knew it where dead.

With a noise that sounded a bit like a sigh, but more like a sob escaping her lips, she hid her face behind her hands, but was startled into taking them away again when someone placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright?" She looked up to meet Remus' soft brown eyes and felt worse almost immediately.

Nevertheless she nodded and gestured to the chair next to her, inviting him to sit down. "I... thanks for asking. I know I don't quite deserve your... consideration and friendliness after what happened at the party."

He had sat down and now frowned at her words. "Don't blame yourself for any of it. It was all my fault in the first place and if someone doesn't deserve any friendliness and consideration, it is most certainly me."

"Oh, do shut up, will you? If you are going to give me this whole self – loathing "I am an inhuman monster" – thing, now that I'm having none of it. I know what you are and I don't bloody care." She glanced over at him to see a shocked look spreading on his face. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to be so... blunt. It's just... I hate seeing you unhappy. And you make yourself unhappy so much because of what you are and I understand that it's hard, I really do, but you always seem to see the whole... thing as your only remarkable feature when there are so many other things to you like your intelligence and your kindness and your knack for noticing things and the way you would do everything for other people."

Remus couldn't help it, even though he knew it was a foolish thing to do. He still grabbed Hermione's hand and gave it a squeeze. "That wasn't what I was talking about, but thank you anyway." She looked at him with big eyes and he immediately let go of her hand. "I was talking about New Year's Eve."

"It... I won't say that it doesn't matter, because it does – somehow – matter, but there's no point beating yourself up about it. We were both..."

"Drunk?" Remus interrupted. "You might have been, but I wasn't. Alcohol has no effect on me." When he saw her frown, he chuckled darkly. "Werewolf metabolism. It works four times as fast as a normal human being's metabolism. I can eat thrice the amount of food Peter has for a dinner without gaining weight and I can't get drunk. At all."

Her mind was still reeling with the implications of it all, but Remus was already up on his feet and so she just grabbed his shirt's sleeve. "I... you can't get drunk?"

Falling back down into the seat beside her, he nodded. "The bite rewrote my whole biology in the days it took between it and the first moon. It may only come out once a month, but it's ingrained into my whole being. It's a part of me now, although I can hold it back most of the time – like there's a door in the back of the mind and the full moon unlocks it." He turned his arm around and clutched her arm. "I... I can keep it in check, but the week around it, it... bleeds through. When I'm off guard even for a tiny second, it sometimes does things I regret later on."

Hermione, in a sudden burst of an emotion she could not quite identify, interlaced her fingers with Remus'. "I... I am so sorry, Remus. But trust me, there'll... be... so..." Suddenly, her voice gave way and although she was aware of her mouth moving, she was also aware of the fact that there were no sounds leaving it. Panicking, she let go of Remus hand and clutcher her throat, but then realized that this would not help. Instead, she closed her eyes and started breathing deeply until she was calm enough. When she opened them again, she gulped. "I... I guess this doesn't... work."

Remus looked at her worriedly and, before she could do anything about it, cupped her face with one hand, using his thumb to brush away a tear that had been rolling down her cheek. "What doesn't work?"

Hesitatingly, Hermione bit her lip. "I... I was trying to tell you something about... the future. But I couldn't."


	13. Chapter 11: Won't let Despair take me

_So this one is a really long one that I've been writing instead of studying for my oral exams like I probably should have. Well, yeah, whatever.  
And we hit something of a milestone - at least for me - with this story having reached by now 32 reviews! I am so, so thankful and glad and happy about it, you wouldn't believe it. Thank you all so much for your kind words, you can't imagine how much they make me smile.  
Love, ClaireFolie_

**_"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,  
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,  
To the last syllable of recorded time;  
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools  
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!"  
_**_William Shakespeare_

Chapter 11: Won't let Despair take me

Shaking ever so slightly, Hermione stood in front of Dumbledore's office door and debated with herself if she should really knock or just leave it be and get back to bed. It had already been close to midnight when she had hastily left the Common Room after her discovery and then it had taken her almost half an hour to guess the right password.

Just as she decided that no matter how urgent her need to speak with the Headmaster was, it could wait, the door opened in front of her.

"Miss Granger. I think you have stood in the cold in front of my door long enough. Please, take a seat and tell me what keeps you from sleeping." Dumbledore's voice sounded from behind his chair and with a sigh, Hermione entered the room.

The headmaster sat behind his desk, still dressed in his usual purpel robes, and gestured invitingly towards the chair in front of his desk with his right hand. The image of it being charred and black flashed in Hermione's mind for a second and she needed to repress a shudder as she sat down. Another one of those things she could not tell him about, she thought briefly.

"Well, Miss Granger. What do I owe the pleasure of your late night visit?" Before she could open her mouth to reply, he gestured at the bowl beside him. "Would you like a lemon sherbet?"

She shook her head meekly before drawing in another breath. "I... Remus Lupin discovered my secret. I don't know why, but he... figured out where I come from."

Dumbledore nodded in understanding. "Someone with a secret to guard as big as his is likely to recognize another secret keeper in his vicinity. I am not surprised at all, Mister Lupin has always been an observant person."

"You... expected something like this to happen?" Hermione mumbled. "Why didn't you warn me? Why didn't you tell me to be more careful around him?"

The headmaster pushed his glasses up his nose a bit more and regarded her silently for a long moment before speaking again. "I have seen the way Mister Lupin has changed for the better after his friends discovered his secret. It has lifted a considerable weight of his shoulders the way it often does when one finds someone to share matters with one had to keep guarded beforehand. I think it will do you good, too, to have someone to share your tales with, someone you can trust and be yourself with when you have to lie to everyone else."

"But I can't!" She exclaimed, suddenly on her feet again. She started pacing in front of the desk, playing with the Time Turner nervously. "I... I can't tell anyone anything. I tried today... I tried today to tell Remus something about the future, to comfort him, but I couldn't. My... my voice just disappeared. For a moment, I didn't even remember what I had been trying to tell him." She stopped, her eyes fixed on the headmaster in front of her. "What does this mean, Professor?"

Dumbledore made a long "hmmm" – noise before closing his eyes for a short moment. "Have you tried writing down what you were trying to tell Mister Lupin?" When the student shook her head, he passed her a quill, a piece of parchement and an inkpot. She gripped the quill, dipped it into the ink and set it down on the parchment, but then she just stared at Dumbledore meekly before letting go of the quill. "So this is impossible as well."

Hermione nodded sadly and sunk back into the chair. "I have no means of communicating any of the future events to anyone." She whispered. "Professor, what is happening?"

For a moment, none of them spoke. Then Dumbledore lifted his head and gave Hermione a long, solemn look. "I am not sure, Miss Granger. We must inquire the matter at hand further, although it will be hard. No one has ever traveled this far back in time, neither accidentally nor intentionally. We may have to speculate more than we should like to." When she indicated her understanding of it, Dumbledore asked: "Please, Miss Granger, answer me this question as truthfully as you can: Do you intend do change the things that gave already happened to you but are yet to happen to everyone of us?"

Silence fell over the room and Hermione was aware that every single one of the portraits, even the ones who had pretended to be asleep, were now staring at her, waiting for her answer. But she didn't know how to answer yet.

The question she had asked herself from the moment Madame Pomfrey had told her the year was 1976 had now been finally asked aloud and even though Dumbledore had advised her not to change anything, to, if necessary, fix things by obliviating people, she knew that he wanted to hear her real answer.

She remembered her almost nightly dreams, sometimes of white rooms filled with shadows chasing her, sometimes of her old live and sometimes of the changes she brought, good and bad. She remembered the gravestone of Lily and James, the lifeless form of Remus, the way she had woken up in the Infirmary in Hogwarts at the end of her fifth year to hear that Sirius Black had died, but she also remembered dreaming that she saw a red headed woman sending of the miniature copy of her husband to Hogwarts, a happy Defense against the Dark Arts Professor high – fiving the boy when he got the disarming hex right, the barman of the Three Broomsticks giving him butterbeer for free while messing up his hair.

She sighed and suddenly startled ever so slightly when she tasted blood on her lips. She had, without realising, been biting her lower lip so hard it had started to bleed. "I... I am honestly not sure, Professor." She answered and, under the gaze of his blue eyes, could not help but remember that this man would die as well if she did not change anything. "I mean, messing with time is dangerous. I could try to change things for the better and make everything worse."

"That is certainly a possible outcome, Miss Granger." Dumbledore nodded gravely. "But you could also save a hundred lives. Please, if you do not consider it too personal, tell me if your memories have changed."

"Yes... and no. I remember my life the way it always was, but... but I dream. I dream and things have changed." She stopped herself from saying more, scared that the feeling of not being able to speak would come back.

Again Dumbeldore's sole reaction was a grave nod before a long silence filled the room. Finally he spoke again. "It seems that time itself is in flux. Things are changing because of your arrival here, but none of these changes seem to have established completely. That is why you still remember your life the way it was while dreaming of alternative pasts. But time... time is a dangerous thing. It seems like it is trying to protect itself, like the Universe is trying to keep you from changing it by tying your tongue."

Hermione sighed and buried her face in her hands. "So... everything that happened to the people around her is... supposed to happen? Like destiny?"

"Yes and no, Miss Granger. Destiny is a thing that should happen, but does not necessarily have to. Fate, at the same time, is a thing that must always happen, it cannot be changed, no matter how much humans want to."

"So the big question is... how much of the things happening are destiny and how much are fate?" She mumbled. "Thank you, Professor Dumbledore. I'm sorry I kept you from sleeping."

"It is quite alright, Miss Granger." He answered and watched her go, but before she could leave, he cleared his throat again. "Next Saturday an Order meeting will take place. I expect you to meet me here after lunch so we can use the port key taking us to the headquarter."

Hermione nodded solemnly. "I will be there. Good night, Professor."

"Good night, Miss Granger."

When the door closed behind her, the annoyed voice of Phineas Nigellus Black filled the room. "I must surely have misheard due to my extreme sleepiness, Albus. What other possible reason could there be for me to think that I just heard you encourage a young witch to mess with time itself?"

~

Someone kept poking Hermione's side. She growled in annoyance and turned away, ignoring the "Wakey wakey, Hermione!" that someone kept saying. Finally her blanket was yanked away and she heart Dorcas annoyed voice exclaim that if she wanted to be late for class, so be it.

With a groan, Hermione rolled out of bed to face her already dressed friends. They all seemed ready go and with a start, the witch realised that she was the last one to get up. Sluggishly she got off the floor and rushed into the shower, then dried her hair off with her wand and dressed quickly.

When she got back out of the door, her friends were still waiting. "I see our majesty is ready to go." Teased Dorcas, a light twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh, shut it, Meadowes, you're the one we all usually wait for." Chimed Alice. "If Hermione wants to take that part today, she can."

The witch in discussion smiled gratefully at Alice's head. She was not in the mood for talking much after having been unable to sleep for quite a few hours when she had gotten back from Dumbledore's office. It had been between four and five in the morning that she had finally been able to sink into a restless slumber, tossing and turning due to nightmares of either a dark, horrible world where Voldemort was the ruler over everything or the bright world where she was chased by the shadow creatures.

It wasn't until after her third cup of coffee – a first, usually she never drank more than one – that she turned into a person able to communicate with others using more than gestures and groan.

"Back with the living, I see." Mary teased and passed her a croissant and a jar of chocolate cream.

Before she could answer, Sirius plopped down on the bench next to her, wrapped an arm around her and placed a kiss that was anything but chaste on her lips. When the gagging noises and demands not to do that kind of stuff at the breakfast table became too loud to ignore, he pulled away, mirth in his eyes and smile. "You taste like coffee." He whispered into her ear. "Suits you well."

She laughed and pushed him away playfully. "Stop it or they'll all start retching." When she saw his pout, she placed a swift, chaste kiss on his lips. "And now let me eat, will you?"

James, who had seated himself between Lily and Mary opposite Hermione, rolled his eyes and growled in annoyance. "Yes, do let her and the rest of us eat, Padfoot. Your public display of affection is making me sick."

Sirius poked out his tongue. "You're just jealous that you don't have anyone you can publically display affection with, Prongsiebabe. If Hermione doesn't mind, I'll take pity, though."

The sound a book made when hitting someone's head filled the hall. "Except he has someone to publically display affection with, Sirius, he's just decent enough not to do it before breakfast." Deadpanned Remus.

Peter giggled animatedly and Sirius rolled his eyes before starting to load his plate with bacon and eggs.

Hermione allowed herself to look around at the group of people surrounding here. Alice was reading a letter from Frank, Marlene and Dorcas were comparing Potions homework over their pumpkin juice, Mary was silently eating a bowl of cornflakes, Lily and James were bickering, Remus had a book leaning against a can of milk and was skimming through it while eating, Peter had already inhaled his second portion of food and Sirius was absentmindedly caressing her arm while eating.

For a short second, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to remember. Alice would be tortured into insanity for an information she didn't even posess, leaving her and her husband Frank unable to recognize their own son. Marlene, Dorcas and Mary would all die at the hands of the Death Eaters. Lily and James would die facing Lord Voldemort to protect their son. Remus would die in the Battle of Hogwarts shortly after having found happiness. Peter would turn traitor and cause the death of at least two of those people surrounding them. Sirius would die in the Battle in the Ministry.

Opening her eyes, she made a decision.

She didn't care about the consequences and the rules. She didn't care about time or the Universe. She definitely didn't care about fate and destiny.

Those were her friends. They were happy now, as close to carefree as they could be in the world they were living in, not suspecting anything about the dark things looming ahead of them.

Those were her friends and she'd do everything in her power to protect them, the consequences be damned.

~

The next four days felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders when the question that had been pounding at the walls of the jail cell she had stuck it in had been answered. Hermione was able to enjoy herself more in the company of the others and push the despair back. She also slowly started to accept the fact that this was her life now and that a return to her own time was improbable.

At the same time, the fact that she had come to a decision filled her with a new vigour and determination. She started spending more time in the library then necessary to complete her school tasks and, although only Remus knew, most of the time she didn't do it to complete said tasks. Instead she was devouring every book she could find on Time Travel, filling feet after feet of parchment with her notes on it and, if she wasn't reading one of those books, buried her nose in books about defensive magic. Whenever someone came close to her that wasn't Remus, she hastily covered up what she was really doing with some school stuff or other.

The werewolf never questioned her. He just watched silently as she filled roll after roll of parchment with notes either on Time Travel or spells he was sure she would later on master. Hermione sometimes caught him observing her and gave him a determined smile that could hardly hide the sadness in her eyes. He drew his own conclusions from her behaviour.

It took Sirius until Thursday's early evening to throw himself onto the chair next to his girlfriend that had hastily hid her real notes under a half – finished Charms essay he teased her about since it was to be handed in on Monday. "What, only half – finished? I am shocked, Hermione! Am I distracting you that much?"

She grinned at him and swated his hand away from her essay. "What's up, Sirius? You never enter the library unless the circumstances are really desperate."

He took the hand that had been wandering down her back and under her shirt away and instead started toying with her hair. "Circumstances are desperate! My lovely girlfriend has been hiding away here since Monday. I have barely been able to spend time with her for four days now. If she keeps up behaviour any longer I shall find myself someone else."

With a sigh and an eyeroll, Hermione closed the books in front of her and placed a quick peck on Sirius' lips. "Fine. Fine. I'll come after you in a second. Just... go before Madame Pince finds you, I think she's still mad about that snowball incident from the holidays." Sirius happy grin was worth losing her study time, she thought as she packed away her notes. "Sorry about this." She mumbled to Remus.

He gave her a half – smile. "Don't mind me, I'm fine. I really am." When she left after having messed up his hair, she completely failed to notice the way he stared at her, betraying his own words.

~

When Remus came down the stairs into the Common Room on Friday morning, it was to find Hermione and Sirius curled up and deeply asleep on one of the sofas. He was lying underneath her, one hand tangled in her hair, the other luckily hidden under the blanket that covered them while her head rested on his chest, her hands framing his face. He allowed himself an annoyed growl in their direction before leaving, sure that one of the others that would leave after him would wake his friends up.

When they came down to eat half an hour later, accompanied by the sixth year Gryffindor girls, he was proven right, but his annoyance and partially hurt at their all too public display of affection was gone. Instead of making one of the biting remarks that had formed themselves in his head, he wordlessly gave them the morning's paper.

Hermione stiffled a gasp, but it was Lily's voice that exclaimed a shocked "NO!".

"What's wrong?" Peter asked, panting ever so slightly. He and James had arrived in the Hall just seconds earlier and, after hearing Lily, had rushed towards their friends.

"A... a bunch of Death Eaters destroyed the dam of a Muggle reservoir and caused three villages close to it to be flooded. It is unknown who exactly did it, but they left their mark in one of the destroyed walls. Also unknown is the number of deaths." Whispered Hermione, eyeing her friends and especially Lily, who had paled remarkably, worriedly.

The ginger witch started shivering and drawing shaky breaths, but Alice instantly wrapped an arm around her, trying to comfort her. "I... the first village, the one that was affected the worst... my... my mother's parents live there." She suddenly stood up, knocking over two mugs and making her plate crash to the floor. "I need to write my family. I'll be back soon."

With that, she rushed out of the hall, leaving the rest of the group to stare at her worriedly until James unfroze. "I'll go after her." Was all he said before he was gone as well.

It didn't take him long to find her, she was still in the Owlery, leaning against the wall next to the window furthest away from the entrance. When she heard his steps, she whirled around, furiously wiping away the tears, but her red eyes gave away that she had been crying nonetheless.

"What do you want, Potter?" she asked, but the usual venom was missing. Instead it sounded like a hollowed out copy of herself.

He raised his hands in a gesture that told her that he was not here to attack her in any way. "I wanted to see how you are."

A dry, bitter laugh filled the room. "What do you think? I just read in the paper that the hometown of my grandparents' was flooded due to a bunch of bigoted Pureblood – idiots. Of course I'm splendid."

"I'm sure they're alright."

Another laugh escaped her in agony contorted mouth, just as bitter as the first one, but more high – pitched this time. "My grandfather's in a wheel chair and my grandmother would never leave without him. They're probably both dead." Her eyes widened as the realisation what she had just said hit her and tears started spilling again. Cursing in a low voice, she rubbed over her cheeks with her sleeve.

James stepped closer and softly placed his hands on her shoulder. "They're not dead. They're just fine." She looked up at him with wide, teary eyes and he had to surpress the urge to do something stupid like wipe the tears on her face away or kiss them away or kiss her forehead and her mouth that was opened a little, allowing shallow hiccuping sounds to escape. The beauty that was Lily Evans was too much for him to handle. "You'll see. Your parents will send you a letter in two hours, telling you that your grandparents are fine because they were actually on a cruise somewhere on the Mediterranean Sea or staying with them or something like that. So stop crying and come to the kitchens with me, the elves make this great chocolate cake that fixes everything." She sniffed and blinked, allowing James a moment of burning the picture of her face, framed by the Winter's sun, covered in tears and with reddened cheeks, into his memory. "Though nothing needs fixing because your grandparents are fine and dandy."

A strangled noise escaped her mouth and Lily leaned ever so slightly into his touch, reducing the space between them. "How can you say that? How can you... how can you be so sure?" She whispered.

"Because I can." He allowed himself to give in to the one urges that would probably not result with him getting slapped and wiped away one of her tears. "Because unlike you, Gingerbread girl, I am an optimist. I believe in love and the good and that heroes always save the day before getting their girl."

There were still tears hanging on her orange lashes, but the tiniest smile crept over her lips. "You did not just call me Gingerbread girl, did you?"

"I happen to think it's quite a clever play with words." He replied. "Feeling better, than?"

"Miraculously, you idiot managed to make me feel marginally better, yes." She answered. "I think it was the fact that you mentioned chocolate cake."

A mischivous twinkle placed itself in James' eyes as he took his hands off her shoulders. "Well, let me show you the way to the kitchen to make sure you get the cake." She nodded silently and he wondered very briefly how it happened that she was neither hexing nor slapping him before deciding to focus on leading her to the kitchen in companionable silence.

"I can't believe I'm skipping Potions." Mumbled Lily as James led her around the last corner before the portrait that hid the entrance to the kitchen.

He allowed a small laugh to escape his mouth. "Oh, old Sluggy will understand. And, after all, you've got him wrapped around your little finger with that giant brain of yours." He stopped in front of the portrait and poked her side. "Tickle the pear."

"Excuse me?" She asked, eyebrows raised.

He rolled his eyes and instead of answering, he reached out and did what he had requested her to do himself until the painted fruit revealed a doorknob and he ushered her into the kitchen.

Immediately they were surrounded by house elves, so while Lily stared around gobsmacked, he ordered two pieces of chocolate cake – the Moony edition, please – and a jug of pumpkin juice. He then led her to a table and watched amused as she stared around in fascination.

"And, like it so far?" He asked.

She finally turned her attention back to him, eyes bright and a smile spread over her face. "This is brilliant! When have you discovered it?"

James rubbed the back of his head and was about to rake a hand through his hair, but when he remembered how much she hated it, stopped immediately. "During our first year, actually. My Dad had given me a hint about tickling a pear to get to the kitchen and Sirius, Peter and me wandered around a long time, tickling every painted pear we could find until we discovered the right one."

Laughing at the mental image, Lily shook her head. "Is there anything you lot wouldn't do for food?"

"Oh, quite a lot of things! Really, what kind of picture do you have of us?"

Before she could answer, a tiny elf appeared beside them, pipping up about their cake and her focus instantly shifted. "Oh, this looks delicious!" she exclaimed happily, grabbing one of the forks they had been given.

James looked down at his plate and smiled. They usually got a few pieces of this cake whenever Moony was upset or after the Transformation, but he figured that his friend would understand. This was Lily, after all.

A sigh of pleasue escaped Lily's lip and James couldn't help a grin. It was the first time he had heard that kind of sound from her and he had filed it neatly away in his brain under the section of "Noises made my Lily Evans that would haunt him for the Rest of his Life", but of course not without hoping that he'd hear it again. "Oh James, this is brilliant. Thank you so much! What?"

His fork had slipped from his grasp and landed on his plate next to the untouched cake with a soft sound. "You... you... you just said my name." He mumbled, completely dumbfounded and embarrassed by how much it actually meant to him.

"Oh. Yeah. I did. Hadn't even noticed it." She said, shrugging it off before returning to her cake.

James couldn't help staring at her for a moment longer before returning his attention to his cake as well, eating it slowly and, when he saw that she had finished her piece, pushing what was left of his over to Lily. "I'm already full, you have it."

She smiled up gratefully before eating his piece as well. When she was finished, she looked up at him and, locking their eyes, allowed her gaze to linger and intensify. For a moment, he wondered if this would be it – the moment he had waited so long for – the moment he would have his first kiss with Lily Evans.

"Thank you, James. So much. For all of this. I really needed this... this break. From reality."

He smiled back earnestly, but the twinkle of sadness and tears that were still waiting to be shed was back in her eyes. Their time – his time in which he could protect her from the terrible news that were most likely awaiting her – was over and they both knew it. He had known it from the moment she had set down her fork.

He slid off his chair and mumbled: "Let's get you back to class, then."

~

Of course James optimism had been misguided. Of course his reassurance had been misplaced. Of course his conviction had been wrong.

Of course Lily's grandparents were dead, drowned in water not as salty as the tears she cried when Professor McGonagall told her that she needed to go and pack for the weekend, a Portkey would take her home from her office and that they all were sorry.

Of course he felt her pain revibrating in his own chest when she sunk into the arms of her friends and of course he stared at her retreating, hunched over figure when she left the Common Room without saying good bye.

Of course he was miserable the whole weekend without her, but of course James wasn't as miserable as Lily was.

~

Friday passed Hermione by in a blur and she would barely remember anything about it later on but the feeling of waking up in Sirius' arms – safe and sound and happy – in the Common Room, the news she read at breakfast, the veil of sadness layered over everything afterwards and the expression of deep guilt, shame and something akin to self – hatred she could sometimes glimpse in her boyfriend's expression. Not knowing how to, she did not ask him about it.

But it was clouding her mind when she was walking towards Dumbledore's office after lunch on Saturday because it still hadn't vanished from Sirius' face that day. She decided that she would ask him once she came back from the Order meeting.

Saying the password and letting herself get carried up the stairs without really realising, she suddenly stopped in front of Dumbledore's door. Before she knocked, she shook her head and took a deep breath. It was not the time to worry about Sirius. There were more important matters at hand and she needed to be focussing on them instead.

The door swung open at her knock and she found herself face to face not only with the headmaster, but also with her head of house and Hagrid. Especially seeing the huge man knocked the air from her lungs for a second because she had neither thought of nor seen him since the accident since she hadn't taken Care of magical Creatures.

"Miss Granger. Good to see you." Dumbledore greeted her. "Of course you already know Professor McGonagall. And this is Rubeus Hagrids, the keeper of the grounds."

"Pleased to meet ya." Hagrid welcomed her and shook her hand enthusiastically.

She smiled up at him happily. "Pleasure's all mine." Seeing him again hurt just the tiniest bit. He was one of the few persons she knew here that would not have a horrible fate wating for them if she didn't manage to turn things around.

Dumbledore nodded and then took a hairbrush from his desk. "This should go off in less than a minute. If you'd all please touch it."

Obliging, all three reached out and touched the brush, only to feel the familiar tug behind their navel a few short seconds later. Hermione closed her eyes – she had always hated the magical ways of traveling, there caused her discomfort to no end – and only opened them when she felt floor under her feet and stumbled forwards, catching herself on the ground.

The grass under her hands was a fresh green and long, the air smelled of the sea and when she got back onto her feet and looked around, she found that she was standing in a meadow between a high cliff and a deep, green forest in front of which a tiny hut stood. The people she had accompanied were already walking towards it and she hurried to follow them, wondering how they would all fit into the tiny hut.

When she entered through the door and found herself in a huge living room with a long table placed in it, she realised that the hut was bigger on the inside.

Looking around, she recognized quite a few faces. There were Alastor "Mad Eye" Moody and Kingsley Shacklebolt, both remarkably younger and, in case of the first, much less scarred, sitting at the head end of the table, leaning over the newspaper and discussing an article in it animatedly. Aberforth Dumbledore and Mundungus Fletcher were discussing business matters in a corner away from everyone, checking if someone was eavesdropping every so often. Frank Longbottom was there as well, talking intently with a witch she didn't know, not noticing her at all. She startled a bit when her eyes lingered on a pair of red headed twin brothers faintly reminding her of Fred and George, but what startled her even more were the people they were talking to. The short, plump woman had the very same fiery red hair the twin boys she was talking to had and, her hands positioned on her hips, seemed to scold them in a manner that immediately reminded Hermione of the way she would later on scold her own twin sons. The gangly man that stood next to her, a hand placed on the small of her back, reminded her of Ron, especially since he had a head of flaming red hair like her ex – future – boyfriend.

Although definitely younger and less worn down by time itself, Arthur and Molly were the most familar persons in the room, even with their backs turned to Hermione, and she longed to throw herself into the arms of the people she had wished to be adopted by should the War turn her into an orphan and who would, if that accident had not happened, surely have become her parents – in – law.

Before she could follow that train of thought any further, Dumbledore cleared his throat and all attention focused on him. "Hello, my friends. I am glad to see you all in such a good health and numbers. Please, do sit down." A bit of shuffling followed, but when Hermione tried to sit down, Dumbledore made a gesture at her, telling her not to, so she remained standing by his side. "Before we start to discuss the serious and grave matters that bring us together today, I would like to introduce Miss Hermione Granger. Although she may certainly seem young to most of you and maybe too young to be joining our ranks, I trust that you all will treat her as an equal. We cannot allow meaningless things like age to seperate us in dark times like ours." A welcoming murmur filled the room and, ignoring Molly and Arthur for a bit, Hermione caught Frank's eye and nodded. For a moment, he seemed puzzled, but then he returned the nod. "Of course she still needs to pass the test, but as per usual, it will be conducted after the meeting. Please, do sit down, Hermione, and we shall start."

She decided to take a seat next to Frank, not caring about how much it would later on hurt that she had been able to talk to Neville's clear minded parents as well as Harry's living ones when neither of the boys had ever had the change to do so. She greeted him friendly and mumbled something along the lines of "Nice to see you".

"Nice to see you, too, even though it's a bit surprising." Frank agreed.

"Please don't tell Alice." Hermione whispered, all too aware that she was missing whatever Mad Eye was talking about.

"To be able to do that, I'd have to tell her about the Order at all in the first place." He whispered.

Their eyes locked for a short moment and they exchanged the tiniest of smiles before finally turning their attention to Moody's report.


	14. Chapter 12: Secrets & Secrets & Secrets

_I am again incredibly sorry for the delay. I graduated school and had my graduation ball and all this and things were a bit hectic and it is very possible that I'll be gone for two weeks once the 7th July arrives, only to come back for one week and leave once more for about sixteen days. I'll try my very best to post at least one more chapter before the 7th and another chapter between my stays in Taizé and Barcelona. Please be patient, I will not abandon this fic, I have lots more in store for all of you, but since I'm at a bit of a turning point in my life and it is summer after all, which means holidays, it will become a bit difficult to find time to write.  
Know, however, that I am incredibly grateful for all of your reviews. They make me so, so happy and every time I read them or even think about them (39 by now, I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!), it makes me smile so much. The people who are following this story or have favorited it make my day just as much and I get all giddy and happy when I think of it. Thank you all so much.  
__Love, ClaireFolie_**__**

**_"_****_Alas, telling  
Secrets- an art  
If ever there was one-  
Requires the ear of  
Someone  
Who gives a damn."  
_**_Jenn Kovel_

Chapter 12: Secrets and Secrets and Secrets

When the last of the Order members filed out of the door and only Hermione, Dumbledore and Moody remained, she swallowed nervously. She had been paying attention to everything that had been said from the moment she and Frank had stopped talking and had quickly realised how sheltered she and everyone else was in Hogwarts. The Daily Prophet seemed to keep a lot of things hushed up and most wizarding parents did the same, all set on not worrying their children who were the safest they could possibly be in Hogwarts. Although it wasn't as bad yet as it would be in about three years time, things were far from rosy. However, the Ministry and the Order were fighting the Death Eaters at all fronts and keeping them at bay rather well.

Of course Hermione had noticed that she had been the only Order member that had not been asigned a mission to complete or guard duty. Then again, she was not a full member yet and a student at Hogwarts as well.

"Miss Granger." Dumbledore's voice broke her out of her thoughts and she looked up to find him watch her solemnly. "I hope you understand that we are only taking necessary measures to preserve the safety of this organization. We wish to interrogate you under the use of Veritaserum to make sure you are not a safety hazard. If you do not wish us to do so or if you do not pass the test, we shall wipe your memories of the last few hours."

Hermione swallowed again, though there was a tiny bit of annoyance niggling at the back of her mind. Could they not have done this before the meeting so she would not lose as much memory if she somehow failed the test? But then again, allowing her to see the meeting and thus showing her how serious the situation truly was was probably the best method of making sure that she would agree to being interrogated. "I am willing to be interrogated under the use of Veritaserum." She said, hoping her voice sounded firm and self – assured and not like a frightened school girl. "However, Professor, due to the extraordinary circumstances, there may be questions which I physically cannot answer."

Moony raked her over, obvious suspicion in his eyes, but she did not look up to meet them. Being in the same room as two men she already knew as dead was making her more than uncomfortable and sad, but the fact that one of them was Moody, who she suspected to be a great Leglimens and far less worried about such things as privacy than Dumbledore, made it even worse. "Well then." He said, his voice gruff and familiar. "Miss Granger, have a glass of pumpkin juice."

Knowing perfectly well that it was not just juice she was drinking, Hermione threw her head back and drowned the liquid without hesitation.

"Well then. State your name, age and day of birth." Moody said.

"Hermione Jean Granger. 18 years old. Born on the 19th September 1979." It was not as if she had decided to answer, the words had left her mouth completely without her making the conscious decision to answer. She had only realised that she was speaking when she had heard her own voice.

"Who are your parents?"

"William and Mary Granger. They are Muggles."

"When did you start your education at Hogwarts?"

"1991."

The interrogation continued, at first covering more personal questions before dealing with ones that were supposed to see if she was fit to join the Order. She was, among other things, questioned about her dueling skills, encounters with Voldemort – though she could not answer that question as it would reveal too much about the future – and his Death Eaters, relations with any of them and her experience using Polyjuice Potion or other means of magical disguise.

Dumbledore and Moody finally exchanged a long look before the white haired Professor nodded. "Well, Miss Granger. That would be everything then. Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix."

"Thank you, Sir. I am honoured." She said. "How long will the effect of the potion last?"

"Another fifteen minutes until it stops working." Moody said, eyeing her before suddenly asking: "Do you plan to change the future?"

Hermione's eyes widened, but that did not stop her from saying: "Yes, I do."

Both men nodded grimly and she wondered for a moment what they thought of her. She was sure that she seemed a little mad, a little dangerous by admitting to it, but there had not been a way that she could possibly have lied now.

"Very well." Moody watched her intently for a long moment, his eyes – both still normal –lingering on her face. "I will teach you advanced defensive magic and dueling twice a month. Every second Saturday you will come here and practice with me, unless I am busy. If I am, someone else, possibly a Trainee Auror, will take my place."

Hermione nodded her consent and then they sat in silence, waiting for the potion to stop working.

It was weird, when she had drunk it she had not really noticed any of it's effects, but when it stopped working, she felt a tingle pass down her spine and a strange, not entirely unpleasant feeling in her mouth, as if her tongue had suddenly reappeared.

"Miss Granger, are you ready to leave?" Asked Dumbledore upon noticing the clock and when she stood up, held the door open for her. "I am sure that there is no need to remind you that this is a completely secret organization and you are expected not to tell any of your friends. I do, however, apologize for adding another secret onto your already too large pile of it." The headmaster said as they walked out.

It was only then that she realized how much of her life was a lie at this moment. She already had so many things she could not tell any of her friends and now she had shoved another one onto them. The tight feeling in her stomach had nothing do with the port key activating that was to take them back to Hogwarts.

The scrapping sound of a chair being moved over the Libary floor made Remus look up to see a familiar sad looking, bushy haired witch fall into the chair opposite of him.

"You alright?" He asked.

Hermione shook her head miserably and placed it onto the table, her hair falling all over the the open books and the parchment Remus had been writing his Potions essay on. "I have too many secrets." She mumbled. "It's all secrets and lies and secrets and I can never tell anybody – not only because it would be so dangerous, but because I physically can't. And I've been here now for so long and I might never get back home and I'm..." She raised her eyes, a look of urgend despair in them. "... Remus, I'm losing myself. I don't remember my parents faces or their smells and I have wrapped myself in lie over lie over lie that I'm not even sure who I am anymore." When she hid her face behind her hands, he allowed himself a long moment of staring at her. Her shoulders were more slumped than usual and slighlty shaking, but she didn't seem to be crying. "I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate lying and I hate that everything I do, everything I see, everyone I meet, that all of this makes me lie about what I've done, who I am and how I..."

He had taken one of her hands away and started rubbing circles on her skin halfway through her hand, staring at it and not her face. The skin was pale now, but he could see that she had freckles in the summer and the odd liver spot mixed in with them. "And how you... feel?"

"Yes. Always about that, too." She mumbled and he finally looked up, allowing their eyes to lock. Suddenly realization dawned on her face and she jumped from her chair, making it topple over, and in a flurry of robes, she was gone.

"Dorcas!" Mary exclaimed happily as she climbed through the portrait hole and saw her hazel haired friend sitting at one of the tables. "Oh, I'm so glad to see you! Amos has just gone to Quidditch practice and I thought..."

But the witch had already stood up and started packing up the stuff she had spiled all over the table she had been working on. Without even looking at Mary, she said: "Well, I'm sorry, but I've got to go. There's this book I need for my essay and I have to hand it in on Monday, so I really need to get going before Madame Pince closes the Library. We'll talk later, alright?"

Completely ignoring her words, Mary stepped closer to the table and caught Dorcas' arm. "No, we won't. You always say that we'll talk later, but later never comes with you and me, Dorc. There's always a book you need to fetch or a person you need to meet or an assignement you have to discuss. We never talk anymore and I wanted to know why. What's wrong? Have I hurt you somehow?"

Drawing in a shaky breath, she stuffed her last bits of crumpled parchment into her bag and, without looking at Mary, said: "No, you haven't. Nothing's wrong. I just need to get this book, so would you please..."

"...look at me, it makes your lies always so much more believable." Mary cut in sharply, her worry replaced by annoyance. "Really, Dorc, you are quite good at lying. But only if you look at someone. When you don't, you always give yourself away."

There was a sharp and rather mean reply on her tongue when Dorcas looked up, but the earnest look on Mary's face killed it off instantly. She hated the gentle blonde looking sad, but at the same time, though she knew that it had always been said that loving someone meant placing their happiness over one's own, she hated being sad herself. Life, especially in the times she lived in, was far too short to be unhappy, experience had taught her. You thought you'd always have another day to be happy if you were unhappy today, but you'd run out of tomorrows someday and mostly unexpectedly.

But then again, she could not tell Mary the truth. The scene it would cause in the Common Room was something she had no desire to see or experience. Instead of saying "I am avoiding you because I am in love with you while you have a boyfriend you keep harping on about", Dorcas said: "I just hate feeling like a stopgap for when your boyfriend doesn't have time for you only to listen to endless stories about him. If you'd ever talk about something else for a change, I wouldn't mind as much... but this, you always coming in saying something "Oh, Amos just left for Quidditch practice" and then harping on about him for years is annoying. Please, do spare me that."

Mary looked genuinly hurt, but didn't say anything when Dorcas wrenched her arm free and left the Common Room without looking back. Instead she sunk into the chair her friend had sat in and stared blankly ahead, trying to figure out if she really treated her friends the way Dorcas had accused her of.

On Sunday morning, when her friends left the Common Room, all of them in a somber mood, Hermione remained stubbornly in bed.

She had, when she had returned to her dormitory from the Library, decided, that she was refusing to deal with anything or anyone other than herself the next day. Instead of going to breakfast and pretending to be alright, she would huddle up in her bed and think things trough, something she had almost completely refused to do so far.

But by now it had been four months she had spent stuck in the 1970s and with every day she felt like the chance of returning home, to her own time, had become smaller. She had read every single book in the Library on Time Travel she could get her hands on, but they all indicated that the only way of getting back to ones own time was living. Then again, no one else before her had to live through twenty one years to get back to her own time.

And even if she got back, she had no idea how it would affect everything. What would she tell Ron and – more importantly – Harry? "Yes, Harry, I was accidentally sent back in time and I met your parents, but I didn't save them and I am so, so sorry about that, but I was too focused on getting back?" Harry would never speak to her again which, of course, meant that she had to save his parents, consequences be damned. Although she was at a loss when it came to how to achieve that if she could not tell them anything about the future.

She consciously knew that there had sometimes been strange looks thrown at her younger self by Remus and Sirius, as if they knew of a huge secret she had yet to discover, a burden that she had to carry some time soon and as if they were already sorry because they could not help her. Of course she understood what it meant: Sirius and Remus remembered her and, upon first meeting her, had recognized her as the younger version of the girl that had later on gone to school with them.

Closing her eyes, she tried to remember the odd expression on their face she had sometimes caught out of the corner of her eye. There had been intense worry and grief, but something akin to maybe admiration in the way their eyes never quite seemed to leave her. Especially the first thing, the worry, so intense it overlaped everything, made her wonder what life had still in store for her. Knowing it, it probably would not be kind.

Thinking of Remus and Sirius also made her think of Ron and she couldn't help it, she felt her eyes getting misty. She missed Ron, stupid, clever, lovely Ron Weasley with his beautiful grin and his amazing red hair who loved her, who sometimes seemed to adore the ground she was placing her feet on. Ron who had kept her save from the nightmares, who had held her whenever she had cried at a funeral and then wiped the tears away, who had tried his very best to make her laugh, who had one night after a truly dreadful nightmare promised her that he personally would arrest every single Death Eater to keep her safe.

It had been an action born from desperation, but when the fact that she would probably never see her first love again had properly hit her, she had gone and kissed Sirius. She had wanted to take her mind of it and devilishly handsome Sirius, interested in her like he was, had been perfect.

And then, when the desperation had faded, later on under the shower after their date, she had realised what she had just done and desperation had turned into mind – numbing self – hatred. But everytime Sirius stole her away between classes she had been unable to refuse him. The younger, more carefree Sirius was someone she cared about a great deal more than she allowed herself to realise, but then again, it was all rather difficult.

Sirius had not only been a completely different person when she had first met him, he had also been twenty years older and probably known her for half his life, though he had never shown it. This meant that she had to tell him who she really was at some point in time and that he had to keep it a secret from everyone, especially from her younger self.

But that was not the worst part. The worst part was that he was already dead to her while at the same time being alive. While it applied to almost every single person around her, it was worse with him because she cared so much for the young version she now knew. It was a roller coaster of emotions anyway, sometimes she was flodded with dread and grief because he was already dead, but then again she was sometimes so overjoyed because he was alive. She tried to make joy the more prominent emotion. He was alive now and she should enjoy that.

And then there was Remus, but she immediately stopped herself from thinking about it. Ron and Sirius were causing her enough heart – and headache as it was. He was the only one who knew her secret and it comforted her that there was someone who she did not have to lie to even though she could not tell him anything. And they were similiar in many ways, both loving books, both serious and worrying sometimes too much, both having seen more of life's uglier sides than some of their peers. She considered him her best friend now, even though it was different from the way Harry had been. The sibling factor was completely absent from their relationships, they were just good friends, like similar souls trapped in different bodies.

With a sigh, she turned onto her side and stared out of the window her bed was placed close to at the bright, cloudless sky above the snow covered grounds.

She knew what was coming for the people around her, but she also knew that she would do her very best to stop it. Apart from reading up on Time Travel, she had also read almost every book she had been able to get about defensive and offensive magic, trying to prepare for the War that was looming just outside of the doors of Hogwarts. Harry had told her that Snape had overheard the prophecy about his parents and told Voldemort about it and a part of her thought that maybe she could somehow prevent that from happening. If Voldemort never heard the prophecy, the Potters would not have to go into hiding, thus they would never pick Peter as a secret keeper. Or she could prevent them from picking Peter. Or maybe, if she was very lucky and very skilled, she could prevent Peter from becoming a traitor in the first place, even though it was a difficult goal to achieve since she had no idea why he had turned his back on his friends. The only clue were the words that he had said in the Shrieking Shack in her third year and by now her memory was a bit blurred, but she remembered that it had apparently mostly been fear. That meant that the thing that turned Peter around had happened after Hogwarts, during the War, and she still had more than a year to make a plan.

An almost happy sigh left her lips. She would find a way.

At that moment someone knocked at the door. "Who is this?" She asked loudly.

"What do you think, m'love?" Sirius voice came from the other side of the door and sent a shiver down her spine. "Let me in, will you?"

"The door isn't locked." Hermione replied. But her boyfriend did not make a move to enter and, sitting up in her bed, she asked: "What's wrong?"

"Are you alright? You seem sad again. Do you really want me to come in?"

There was a genuine qualitly to his voice that made Hermione give up on her resolution of not wanting to see anyone. "Yes. Sirius, I do want you to come in."

The door creaked open and Sirius came in, closing it behind him before coming over to her bed and crawling under the covers with her. "You missed breakfast." He mumbled into her ear before placing a kiss on her neck.

"I wasn't hungry."

"No, you were too sad to eat." He corrected her, playing with a strand of her hair.

She couldn't help but snuggle closer into his embrace. "You know me quite well." When he placed another kiss on her temple before really lying down face to face with her, she thought of Ron for a split second, of the way his blue eyes would never stop wandering over her face as if he was taking in every single detail of her face time and time again. Then a wave of guilt and missing threatened to crush her so she just shut her eyes and kissed Sirius.

His lips, usually soft and unassuming on hers, grew more and more demanding while his one hand tangled in her hair and the other wandered down her side to rest on her hip, pulling her even closer until the the rise and fall of their chests matched each other.

When he pulled away to breathe, he brushed her hair back from her face. "Are you sure about this?"

Instead of replying, she sat up and with a wave of her wand locked the dormitory door before pulling him up into another kiss.

He was the second to take her and, unlike Ron, had experience. She felt in the way his body moved against hers that he knew exactly what he was doing, taking clues from her gasps and moans. Only when it became more and more he lost himself in her, letting go completely.

He mumbled her name again and again into her ear afterwards while she just lay under him, her hands on on his back, trying to breathe evenly.

Her head was placed on his chest, an arm slung around his midriff, while he drew patterns on her shoulder.

"That wasn't your first, was it?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No."

"Who was?"

She smiled ever so slightly against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Do you ask every girl that kind of question?"

He shook his head and squeezed her shoulder. "Just the one I like."

"So there wasn't a girl before that you liked?" She felt her cheeks getting heated.

"How did you get that idea?"

"You said "the one"."

He laughed, making her body revibrate with it. "Fair point. So. Who was it?"

"My childhood sweetheart and best friend. A red haired Muggle living in my street. His name was Ron. We had been friends since we were eleven and I had fancied him for almost a year before anything happened. Then we kissed and became a thing shortly before the whole mess with my parents started."

All of a sudden, Sirius said up, making her fall from his chest, and glared at her. "Are you telling me that you have a boyfriend somewhere, waiting for you?"

Shocked, she sat up, clutching a blanket to her chest. "No! I broke it off the day I took my parents to the border." It was a big, fat horrible lie because of course Ron was there, some twenty one years in the future, worrying about here, but that was one of the things she could never possibly tell Sirius about. He would certainly go mad if he found out that he was in a kind of – ish love triangle with one side not even born yet.

Falling back and looking at him, she wondered if love triangle was the right word when one side was a witch misplaced in time, the second side was not even born yet and the third side was at the same time dead and alive to the first one. And love triangle meant that she was in love with both of them and she was unsure if that was the right description of what she felt.

Of course she had loved Ron dearly, enough to see herself marrying him, but it had been four months since she had seen him the last time and her feelings were fading just like her memories of him. But she was not sure if love was the right word to describe what she felt for Sirius either, she cared a great deal about him and enjoyed his company, yes, but she did not have butterflies in her stomach or anything like that.

Maybe – probably – their relationship would not last if it was built on fickle ground like this, she realised.

But then Sirius leaned down and placed a kiss on her collarbone before lying down beside her. "Sorry. I didn't want to anger you." He mumbled.

"It's alright." Turning on her side to snuggle up to him again, she asked: "So. Your first time, then?"

With an exasperated sigh, Sirius whined: "Do I have to?" Seeing Hermione's face, he sighed in defeat. "But promise not to judge!"

Amused laughter bubbled from her. "Jugde? I know you're a tart, nothing you could possibly say can change that."

"Just so you know, Missy, boys can't be tarts."

"Well, I know you're a man of loose morals."

"A man of loose morals?"

"More of a boy of loose morals, I suppose." When Sirius tried tickling her as punishment, she swatted his hands away. "So, do tell. When was your first time?"

"Urgh... I was fifteen. In my fourth year at Hogwarts."

"Fifteen!" Hermione exclaimed, eyes wide with surprise. "Gosh! I mean, that's... that's really young." Shaking her head ever so slightly, she looked up to see an almost wounded expression on his face. "I mean, I had my first kiss in my fourth year and I was a bit proud of it because I was the first of my friends to get kissed, but then you go and tell me that you lost your virginity at that time."

"Oh, you know, I was always a boy of loose morals before I grew into a man of one." He took a straw of her bushy hair and started twirling it between his fingers. "So, first kiss?"

"He was seventeen and came to my school for an exchange program with our partner school up north. All the girls were after him, he was fit and clever and a bit famous because he did this sport thing he was really good at, but he was interested in me. I was really bookish, spent all my time in the schools library, but then there was this Christmas dance – it was really posh, all formal dresses and stuff – and he asked me to go with him. I said yes."

Sirius grinned cheekily. "A fit exchange student that asked you to a dance."

"Yeah. His name was Viktor." For a moment, she allowed herself to think of Viktor, another good friend she would never see again. But he was save, no harm had come to him during the war. "And yours?"

"Oh no, there is no way I am ever going to tell you about that."

Hermione sat up and started poking his side. "That's not how this works, Mister, so you better tell."

"Never! We made an agreement to keep it a secret!"

"So it's either really embarassing or could hurt someone's feelings..." Hermione mused. "Merlin, it wasn't Lily, was it?"

Sirius gasped in fake shock and she could barely stiffle a giggle. "Just so you know, I don't go for short – tempered ginger girls my best friend has been in love with since about third year."

She mirrored his gasp and emanating a low chuckle, Sirius place a kiss on her hairline. "Since about third year? Really?"

"Yeah. She punched him for hexing a little Slytherin girl. Broke his nose and the poor sod has been smitten with her ever since."

Hermione smiled again. "Still, you haven't told me who your first kiss was with."

"I can't." He whined. "He'd kill me."

"He?"

"Yeah and that's all the information you're gonna get, you nosy little beauty."

Later on, when she had fallen asleep curled up in his arms, her left arm still resting beside his head, fingers touching his hair, he looked down at Hermione's sleeping face.

There was a peaceful expression he barely ever saw on her. Her forehead was smoothed out, the creases worry etched into it had disappeared completely, her lips were relaxed and her eyes, always restlessly watching everyone and everything with a hint of worry behind whatever other emotion they expressed, were closed.

She really was a beauty, though not in the common, conservative sense of the word he had often gone for before she had shown up at the school. She wasn't a long – legged girl with delicate features and big breasts, but the freckles on her face and her soft brown eyes that sometimes looked too old for her face in combination with her thin – lipped mouth and the bushy brown hair were endearing and fascinating to watch. The slim, but curvy figure she hid under her robes was sexier than she normally showed and he wondered if it was due to the lack of confidence she had when it came to how she looked.

His eyes flicked back to the scar on her arm and he felt a deep rush of shame wash over him as he thought to how he called Lily the derogatory term one in first year, on their first day, and James had punched him for it. At that time he hadn't thought much about it, the word had been used so casually at the Nutty and Most Horrid House of Inbreds that he never had thought that it could be something one shouldn't use in an everyday conversation. The look of hurt in Lily's eyes, who, though a Muggleborn, had apparently been explained the meaning of the word, was still stuck in the back of his mind, just like the look of pure and utter disgust and violent anger on James face who had been clutching him by the front of his shirt, demanding that he should take that it back right this instant or Merlin help him, he would hex Sirius so much he wouldn't be able to leave the Hospital Ward for days. There were few things that made him as grateful as the fact that none of them ever brought it up again did.

That didn't help the gut – clenching knowledge that it had probably been one of his deranged relatives that had done it to her. Of course he couldn't really help wondering who it had been but while the thought of his cousin Bellatrix – who had completely flown of her broom after her second miscarriage when he was fourteen – turned him almost homicidal with anger, the thought of his cousin Narcissa doing something like this saddened him. He had always known that Bellatrix would sink very low, the trait of the inbred Black – madness had always shown in her eyes and the way her smile cruelly carved her face open, but Narcissa had been a kind, soft – spoken girl who he had been quite fond of in his childhood years. The four year older girl had never treated him with the contempt some of the older children had expressed to him. The thought that she could turn into someone who would carve a terrible slur into a young girl's fragile arm made his throat tighten.

Hermione stirred slightly and gave a low whimper. He turned towards her to pull her tighter against his chest, starting to trace patterns on the small of her back. Her skin was warm and soft against his own and, apart from the one of her arm, free from any scars. It was then that he made the decision to try his best and keep it that way. No one would hurt her again.


	15. Chapter 13: Mourning and Longing

_Lovely people! I am once more sorry for the long, long time it took me to upload this. As I said in the AN in the last chapter, I was traveling a fair bit for the last month and being home as little as I was, I found it extremely hard to write. To be honest, I've been hitting a bit of a writer's block and am not overly happy with this chapter or the next one, for that matter, which means I might go back and edit it or something. (I am sorry for the kind of bad chapter. I really am. Please, do forgive me.) It also means that I might have some trouble writing the 15th chapter which will postpone the uploading of new chapters even more. I am so extremely sorry for that and would be extremely grateful for any tips or suggestions how to deal with the block.  
On another note, I am so happy about having 47 reviews! YAY! Cookies for all of you!  
And that was my incoherent rambling for today, I'll let you get on with the chapter now.  
Love, ClaireFolie_

_**"For some, like hyacinths and crocus bulbs,**_  
_**left in a dark cupboard in the autumn of our grief**_  
_**to respond to time, and**_  
_**become at last**_  
_**themselves?"**_

_Michael Shepherd_

Chapter 13: Mourning and Longing

Lily didn't return until Wednesday. It had been four extremely bleak days for the Gryffindor girls, who had all quietly missed their friend, and the boys, whose spirits had been dampened by the sour mood James had been in ever since Friday. So naturally the joy at seeing the familiar flaming hair upon entering the Great Hall for breakfast caused them to sprint down the table and throw their arms around the girl.

"Dear God, let go of me. Let me breathe!" protested Lily when Dorcas was still clinging to her neck after almost five minutes. "Thank you." With that, she patted Dorcas hair affectionately before looking at the other girls who had seated around her. "So. How are you?"

"Happy now that you're back." Replied Marlene around a bit of toast. "Really, we all missed you terribly."

"Yeah, no one more than me." A deep male voice said from behind them and Lily threw her head back to look at James' upside – down face.

She smiled ever so slightly, even though it didn't reach her eyes, and James' heart leaped violently in his chest. "Oh, bugger off, Potter." But again it wasn't viciously said, more like a phrase friends threw at each other knowing full well that the other one didn't mean it.

"Only if I may kiss you." The words blurted out from his mouth before he had thought – something that happened to him quite often – and he was almost painfully aware of the way everyone withing hearing distance had stopped doing whatever they were doing to see what imaginative hex Lily would use on James this time.

She, however, only turned her attention back to her breakfast, shaking her red hair before saying: "You may not. Really, what would your girlfriend say?" She turned around again and made a shooing motion with her hand. "And now do me a favour and bugger off. There's a good lad."

Having turned back her head already, she missed the grin that looked like someone had told James that his birthday, Christmas and Easter had come early and he wouldn't have to see any of his annoying relatives for at least three years. When he was seated a bit further down the table with his friends, he beamed at them. "Well, that went fantastically. Soon she'll finally go out with me." None of them reacted and he happily started dishing himself up some breakfast.

At the same time, Alice placed her hand on Lily's and looked at her worriedly. "How are you, Lils?"

With a sigh, Lily placed her toast back on her plate. "I honestly don't know. The days at my parent's place where horrible, I cried so much. Everyone basically just cried, but my mother was the worst. My sister kept shooting me dirty looks when no one would see it and I... I don't know. I don't know, I mean there are probably people here who have Death Eater relatives or are Death Eaters and they could find out about my family, so I... I need to find a way to protect the rest of them. So it's good I'm here again because I can do some research and then do some warding when I go home for Easter."

Hermione, who sat next to Lily, gave her friend's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. She recognized the determination in her demeanour and wondered how bad it would still get.

When they were on their way towards the Potions classroom after breakfast, Lily stopped Hermione in a corridor and they let their friends wander out for a bit without them before Lily said in a low voice: "I saw Chris again. Just in passing and he didn't see me, but I saw him again when we were driving to the cemetry. And... I wrote him. So. Yeah. That was stupid."

"A bit, yes. But you'll figure something out." She patted her friend's arm reassuringly.

The Prefect, however, shook her head. "It gets more complicated. Because when I came into the Great Hall, I saw Bertram Aubrey sitting at the Ravenclaw table and he saw me and smiled as if he was so happy to see that I was back again, so I went over and... kind of agreed to go on a date with him." When she hard Hermione sigh, she wrung her hands in exasperation. "I was still so sad and I just... I needed something. Something light, something happy to distract me from all the stuff that has been happening lately and he... he's a nice chap. I think I could really like him." When her friend just made an odd, non – commital humming sound, she took it as a clue to keep on talking: "I only need to tell Marlene. She fancied him back at the beginning of fourth year, but he never looked at her twice."

Hermione bit her lip to stop herself from commenting. As if things weren't complicated enough just yet for James and Lily with James pining for her, but going out with another girl at the same time while Lily was still completely oblivious to how earnestly infatuated he was with her, she just had to go out with a Ravenclaw one of her best friends had fancied two years ago because the boy that she actually wanted was a Muggle who could never know who she really was. If this was not going to cause the people entangled in this mess some serious heartache, she'd be extremely surprised.

The next two weeks of January passed bleakly. Hermione spend her time either in the library with Remus or somewhere – in an empty class room, on the Astronomy tower under a heating charm, in one of their dormitories when every one else had other places to be at, in the empty Common Room after every one else has gone to bed – with Sirius, trying her best to be happy and sometimes she almost suceeded.

She knew that Lily, even though she was going out with Bertram Aubrey in a semi – serious way, was writing letters to Chris, the Muggle she had met over Christmas, but couldn't find it in herself to say anything about it because of the way Lily would smile when an owl landed before her during breakfast.

She also knew that James regarded Bertram Aubrey with a certain jealousy, but still went out with Emelia Tyler, using not every, but about every second or third given opportunity to flaunt her in front of Lily who had developed a certain animosity towards the blonde chaser, but acted as if it was inexistant.

She knew that Mary was still happily going out with Amos Diggory and squabbling with Dorcas about something she didn't know and that Alice was still missing Frank and happy with him, even though she didn't know that he was keeping secrets from her and that Marlene was burying herself in homework because there was something she wasn't willing to talk about and that Peter was still trying to impress the Hufflepuff fifth year he had been talking to at the New Year's Eve party.

They were all talking to each other, but it didn't feel quite right. It felt different from the way it had felt 1976, less effortless and less meaningless, as if there was something hidden between the jokes and stories they shared and they all knew that they were somehow waiting for the news of another attack in the paper that would have a relation to one of them.

And before long it was the evening of the third Saturday of the month and she had just dragged herself up the stairs back into the Common Room to find herself in the middle of an ongoing wild party where Sirius happily shouted her name through the room before coming over and kissing her full on to the background noise of wolf whistles and cheers.

She never really liked being made the centre of attention, but usually she wouldn't mind much, except that tonight she was exhausted from the training with Moody – they had gone to a clearing in the forest behind the hut and fought, turning the clearing into what looked like it had been the place a vicious battle between the Order and the Death Eaters had been fought – and dirty and tired. So she pulled away and ruffled his hair affectionately before saying: "Congrats on winning the game." Because naturally that's what this was about, a Quidditch game they won.

He smiled at her brightly and squeezed her against his chest. "Want a butterbeer, my love?"

Hermione shook her head. "I'd love to celebrate with you, but I'm incredibly tired. I'll just go to bed." When he pouted, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm sorry. I really am." With that, she turned out of his grasp and walked up the stairs to her dormitory, expectant to find it empty and disappointed when she saw that Marlene was sitting on the floor, legs crossed and surrounded what seemed like billions of bits of parchment and at least three very heavy books.

She looked up and a small smile passed over her lips. "Hey."

"Hey." Hermione fell heavily on her bed, knowing full well that she was probably allowing the dirt and twigs in her hair to be strewn all over it. Staring up at the ceiling, she finally asked: "What are you doing?"

"Oh, just... research stuff. For that essay for... Defence Against the Dark Arts." answered the blonde dismissively. "Where were you all day? I haven't seen you since breakfast."

With a sigh, she sat back up again. "I... sorry, but I can't tell you. Dumbledore has sworn me to keep it a secret." Her eyes flitted across the parchment on the floor and finally landed on one of the only closed books, one she recognized. "Moste Ancient and Potente Protective Enchantements... isn't that part of the Restricted Section?"

Marlene looked down at the book and nervously bit her lip. "Yeah, it is." She finally admitted. "But Dumbledore gave me permission to use it."

"Why?"

Sighing, Marlene bound her blonde curls back into a bun before answering. "I... well, my parents are Muggles. So."

It didn't take a single second for Hermione to register what Marlene was saying. "So you're trying to find something to protect them."

"Yeah. I just... I haven't been too successful so far, you know. I mean, I've found all these protective enchantements and magic wards, but I haven't... I don't know which ones to use. Some of them are really advanced and others would influence the lifes of my parents so much that they could barely go to work." She looked lost as she admited this. "And the ones that aren't that advanced or restrictive are all pretty basic and probably easily broken."

"Have you talked to Lily about this?" She asked, even though the wheels in her head were whirling.

"No, not yet. I know that she mentioned planing to do something to protect her parents, but she has been so busy with Aubrey and school stuff that it didn't seem like she had thought about it again." It sounded a bit resentful and all Hermione needed to do was raise an eyebrow to get Marlene to talk. "It's just... I don't know, this isn't about Aubrey or anything, because that was years ago, but it's just... I think that there are more important things at the moment than dating, you know. Like protecting our parents."

Hermione gnawed on her lower lip nervously, trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say without being stopped. "I... I think this isn't the worst yet. I think it might get worse and I think Lily knows that, so she's trying to... you know, live. Be happy. Distract herself a bit. And maybe that's a clever thing to do."

"You think it's going to get worse?" was all Marlene could ask after a long moment of silence, eyes wide with worry and fear.

"Yeah." And you're one of the people who is going to die because of that is what she thought but didn't say because this time around Marlene wouldn't die. She'd see to that.

The seat across from Remus, she noticed as she entered the library on the last Wednesday of January, was empty for a change and with a few strides she was seated and started to pull out the things she needed for the Charms essay.

He only looked up from his parchment for a second, but it was enough for her to notice the smile his lips formed. "Lily."

"Remus." He had already continued to write, but she placed her hand on his arm and squeezed once to get his attention back. "How are you? We've barely been speaking."

"I'm fine, Lily. Just... too busy with school work is all." He didn't even need to look at her to know that her eyebrows had shot up on her forehead and she was biting one of her nails in an attempt to decide if she was going to say what she thought. "Alright, spit it out already." He finally sighed, putting down his quill.

"Is it really just that? Because I've noticed that you seem to like being on your own at the moment and the way you always look at Herm..."

He interrupted her before she could get the name out. "I'm fine. I really am." Lily's eyebrows were still on her forehead and seemed to have no intention of moving down as long as he wasn't telling her the truth. "It's... the difference between wanting, needing and getting that's bothering me. But there's nothing anyone can do about it."

She looked at him for a long moment before letting go of his arm to take out her own quill, parchment and book. "I'm sorry, Remus."

Instead of replying or even turning his attention back to his essay, Remus stared at her for a long moment. At Lily Evans, who in first year befriended him and Severus Snape, before anyone else did, and called them her boys, who in second year hexed a Slytherin girl for making fun of his robes, who in third year begged him to tell James that he should stop bothering her, who in fourth year was caught under an enchanted mistletoe that wouldn't let them go until they kissed with him and who in fifth year spend all of their patrols asking him about girls she thought he might like.

Suddenly he was up on his feet and hugging her awkwardly across the table for a short second before sitting back down again and asking: "And how are you, Lily?"

With a sigh, the witch twirls her wand and her hair braided itself down her back. He couldn't help but grin, nifty little charms like that had already been her speciality in first year. "I really and honestly don't know." Looking down at her opened charms book, she sighed again. "It's been almost three weeks since... you know, and I can barely make myself say it. And I've been going out with Betram and he's quite nice and all that, but I don't know how much of it is just me trying to distract myself from reality and how much of it is me actually liking him."

"I can't really help you with that, you know." Remus said after a while of silent contemplation. "I mean, I wish I could, but I really can't help you sort through your own emotions."

She smiled at him, affectionately and honestly. "I know you can't. But it's good that you'd try." With that, she finally opened her book and started writing the date at the top left hand corner of her parchment. "So, my birthday's in four days... what are you going to get me?"

"I won't spoil the surprise by telling you, Lily, so there's really no point in asking."

She fake – pouted and begged, but he knew that she loved few things as much as surprises, so he turned his attention back to his essay and hoped that she'd stop asking at some point around. Eventually, she did and they sat in companionable silence and did their homework.

Lily had always liked her birthday and since she had found out that her seventeenth one would mean that she was off age a year earlier than she would have been if she was a Muggle, she had been especially excited for the 30th January 1977. But looking at the stack of parchment and noticing that there was a package wrapped in the trademark paper – beige with red lilies on it – her mother's parents had always used for her, the first thing she did was sneak off into the bathroom, extremely grateful for the fact that her friends were all still asleep, to have a good cry under the hot shower.

It was only afterwards that she found herself able to unwrap the gift to find a necklace with a silver ginko leaf hanging from it and a handwritten card, wishing her a happy seventeenth birthday and asking her to tell them if she liked the gift, it was a necklace her grandmother had worn on her first date with her grandfather and she had always thought that it would look nice on her.

She had to quickly put the card away, not wanting her tears to ruin her grandmother's neat writing by falling onto it.

"Hey, hey, hey, birthday girl, what's wrong? No crying on your special day, remember?" Dorcas voice finally reached her and then she found herself enveloped in her friend's arms. Then she noticed the wrapping paper with the lilies, neatly folded on her night stand and tightened her hug a bit. "Oh Lily, I'm so sorry."

After a while, she pulled away, hiccoughing slightly and trying to wipe her eyes. "It's ju... just that they wrote me this card and asked me to write them to... to tell them what I think of their present and I... I can't te... tell them anymore."

Dorcas started rubbing soothing circles into her back and whispered: "But you can. In a way. By... using it."

"We... wearing it." Lily corrected, half a smile on her face, and held out the necklace. "Can you help me put it on?"

Seeing her friend nod, Lily turned away and held her hair up to allow Dorcas access to her neck. "It's nice." She said. "I always wondered what it would be like to have a friend who understood what it feels like. You know, having lost a family member. But I never... I never wanted to have that kind of friend. And I'm sorry you understand now. I really wish you didn't."

Lily allowed for the words to sink in, her back still to Dorcas, eyeing the beds in which almost all of her friends where still sleeping. Until now she had not realized that Dorcas and she were the only ones in their room who had lost a family member, that they shared that pain, and that she wasn't alone with her grief. But she also realized something else. "They will as well, won't they? This... Dorcas, this is war. Out there, I mean. They'll all lose someone as well, won't they?"


End file.
